When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
MARK TWAIN, The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.
MARK TWAIN, Letters from the Earth
What's the use you learning to do right, when it's troublesome to do right and ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?
MARK TWAIN, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
All kings is mostly rapscallions.
MARK TWAIN, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN, Following the Equator
To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.
MARK TWAIN, "How to Tell a Story"
The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn't detect.
MARK TWAIN, Joan of Arc
In order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.
MARK TWAIN, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
MARK TWAIN, The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebook
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
MARK TWAIN, editorial in the Hartford Courant, Aug. 24, 1897
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear.
MARK TWAIN, The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebook
Government is merely a servant – merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn’t. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.
MARK TWAIN, The Bible According to Mark Twain
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebook
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
MARK TWAIN, Autobiography
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
MARK TWAIN, The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebooks
The elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.
MARK TWAIN, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
MARK TWAIN, "How to Tell a Story"
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
MARK TWAIN, Greatly Exaggerated: The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain
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