[Felonious Monk]

Alright all you Big 12 fans out there, the season's finally over and we have a long boring wait until August rolls around again but let's talk about your teams and briefly summarize the returning and incoming talent.

dr. freeze, DNOMYAR, Combato, Red Raider and whoever else I forgot to mention...give me your input as well.


Based on the returning talent of the major powers in the Big XII, I believe Texas is poised to dominate the conference. I'll do my best to start a thread with some basic analysis (I'm very ignorant of our competition's 2-deep charts, so hopefully the above mentioned names can fill in with more useful info).

Nebraska:

Major losses - Eric Crouch, Fonoti, Craver

Replacements - Lord, a bunch of beefed up redshirted linemen, ?

Summary - Lord is no Eric Crouch. He's not even Carlyle Holliday. They will hurt at QB next year. They should be able to replace any losses on the OL respectably. Their defense, which was AWFUL against decent offenses this past season, will be even worse next year. Without Craver, they will have big problems stopping the pass.

Colorado:

Losses - just about damned near everybody. Hopefully a Buff fan can shed some light on details, but they lose 3/5 of their line, their AA TE, Pesovento, Sykes, their All-B12 safety, and Cortlen Johnson.

Replacements - the cubbard is bare behind the departing Neuheisel recruits. If they intend to fill in holes with their "top 5" recruiting class, then they'd better use the remaining 2 scholarships to sign a couple of super-blues (they don't have a single player in the top 10 at his position)

Summary - The Buffs were the most over-hyped and over-rated team at the end of the season. They beat the stuffing out of an overrated NU. We exposed them for a drive and a half, and then proceeded to hand them the Big 12 title on a silver platter. Anyway, they will be pretty bad next year.

KSU:

I have no idea, but it wasn't pretty this season. All I know is that Snyder is toying with moving Ell "next Michael Bishop" Roberson to WR. That can't be good news.

OU:

Key Losses - Roy Williams, Rocky Calmus, Wilkerson(?)

Replacements - They had a talented, well-rounded recruiting class last year that should start filling in the holes, but they'll only be sophomores and RS frosh.

Summary - They lose 2 top stars, and the heart of their defense. I expect Tommie Harris to pick up some of the slack on D, but he can't do it all. They should be little improved on offense, and their defense will take a step back.

A&M:

Major losses - Gamble (not much else to lose)

Replacements - nobody

Summary - the Ags were mediocre this year, and will be just as mediocre next year. They no longer have the most talented defense in the South, and sure as hell don't have any talent on offense. They will continue to decline to the point that every other year A&M will be bowl ineligible.

Texas:

Major losses - Q. Jammer, A. Brooks, Mike Williams, Antwan K-H, Applewhite, DD Lewis, E. Rawls, T. Jones

Replacements - Griffin or Ross, Pearson, Garr or Scott or Bates, Simms, DJ, Lee Jackson, Satchell, OJ McClintock

Summary - Texas loses a lot, but has very talented replacements. The biggest losses will be Q. Jam, who will be replaced with a talented but untested player, and the linemen. I think we will feel early growing pains on the offensive line next year. Our most talented players at that position are very young. We lose all 3 "starters" at LB, but DJ and LJ were arguably 2 of the 3 best LBs last season anyway. I wouldn't be surprised to see 2 true freshmen in the LB rotation next season.

Basically, although Texas loses a LOT of talent next year, it can replace it better than anyone else in the conference. Colorado loses about as much as the Horns, but has no one to fill in the holes. NU and OU lose 3-4 of their premier players each, with no superstars ready to fill in the void. A&M had nobody to begin with, but won't improve on last year. The wild card is KSU, who could have restocked with JUCOs without anyone noticing (that's how they built that program in the first place)

Thoughts?

[hellah10]

gonna have to say that KSU will win the conf.

[hawkeye]

i agree that texas "should be" the cream of the crop next year--but don't count out colorado--still have ochs, running backs and half the line--back up tight end is very good-defense shykes might be back and the other lbers are very good--i see them challenging again--i also see k-state beng greatly improved--will be an interesting year--will keep you informed the more i hear about cu--since okla has moved chuck long to oc i see them having a better offense

[dr. freeze]

Texas will once again be the most talented team in the conference.......but.........Mack Brown is there.........big game Mack takes them out of being the favorite IMO.......OU, Col, and K-State should be back and who knows about Neb......I think Solich is ruining their program.......

[Felonious Monk]

Damnit freeze! Quit talking about Mack all the damn time! I want you to speak on behalf of your team like hawkeye did on behalf of Colorado...I don't understand the obsession with Mack Brown all the time. It's nice when information can be exchanged without bitter words. I for one am glad OU is back. I still want to beat you and I think we will win our share (I think our share is 60 to 70 % of the time) but I know that each year it will be a tossup.

Do you mean that I know more about your team than you? Give me some positive and negatives about OU 2002.

I know that OU's D will still be stout, but Williams is a Heupelesque special player whose absence will be missed. I think their defense will more than hold its own, but can it single handedly win games like this year? Not sure about that.

Defensive line will improve. Linebackers will depend on the play of Pasha Jackson but will be thin either way. Secondary strong but will miss Williams.

Your two best offensive linemen graduate. That is a huge question. How will your line improve as I believe it was the basis of a lot of your O's problems this year. The effectiveness of the offense depends on this as you need a running game desperately......

[DNOMYAR_5791]

Real quickly

I don't think anyone will ever be as talented as Texas ever again now that they have awaken that sleeping Giant. But as long as Mack Brown continues to wear that headset they are going to be 10-2 every year.

Kansas State: They are in big trouble. They don't have a QB in that system who can hit the side of a barn. Losing DC Phil Bennet is really going to hurt them for a few years. Scobey and Sproles are not cutting it. They have not recruited well the last couple of years and are continually counting on JUCO'S. They lose 2 great defenders in Leber and Togoai. Eventually this is gonna backfire. Kinda already did this year.

A&M: They play hard and always have a great defense but their offense is lackluster. Dino Babers is not the answer as a QB coach and OC. Farris went 2 steps back this year. They did have a lot of injuries on the OL. They play a touch NC sched next year with Pitt and Va Tech on the dockett, so they better get Farris unphucked. However they do get Neb and OU at home. 17 returning starters can't hurt thier cause either.


Oklahoma: If Jason White did not get hurt they probably beat Nebraska and find a way to go undefeated until the Bowl. Look for Harris, Lehman and Wilkerson to soften the losses of Calmus and Williams. They still have 15 returning starters coming back. Their O-line will be greatly improved. I would put these guys in my preseason top 5. Need to improve the running game and Q Griffin is not the answer. I would not be suprised to hear from QB Brent Rawls --he is their future.

Texas: One of the most talented teams in the country next to maybe Tennesee and Miami. SHould be very explosive again on offense. Will have some questions with their O-line early on however. LB'S Johnson and Satchell are going to be studs as they return their D-line fully intact. Nebraska scrwed up by letting them get Vasher, who will probably switch to CB. Can't say enough about that kid. Secondary may slip a little but overall this is going to be a scary team. However, Mack Brown will find a way to screw up a game or 2. Will Simms finally deliver the goods in a big game???

Save the best for last....


Nebraska: Insiders tell me that next year could be one of their worst in recent memory. I hate to agree. QB Jamaal Lord has been inconsistent but has all the talent in the world. Solich's reluctance to get him some snaps this year is really going to hurt next year, just bc he wanted to pad Crouch's numbers. The O-line is really going to be the biggest question mark. Losing Fonoti does not help. This group as a whole is not very talented with the exception of RSFr Richie INcognito (remember that name) . He is going to be a monster. But they have not done a very good job of getting talented players for the line the last 3 to 4 years!!!! Unheard of!!!!! Diedrick is solid but not the gamebreaker that Ahman Green was. Thunder Collins is underused. Frank Solich really needs to hire an OC or turn the reigns over to QB coach Turner Gill. Belive it or not Nu has a tremendous group of WR's in Thomas, Zajicek, incoming German sprint champion Fluellen and Brye. Huskers will also be missing the impact TE that has been a staple of their offense as well.

Believe it or not their defense ought to be very good if they unphuck their personeel issues. The bottom line: NU has refused to play their more talented players under Solich and it has killed them. I can respect his loyalty system but some of the guys this year should not have been playing.

Belive me, they have tremendous speed and athleticism on this side of the ball that they just are not using. Little Birdie told me that Craig Bohl was forced to resign but given one last chance. Very bad blood between him and Solich for a variety of reasons.

2 of the hugest liabilities on the defense don't even wear uniforms. They are RE coach Nelson Barnes (waste of a salary) and DT coach Jeff Jamrog. He is also horrible. NU has had some very taleneted RE the last few years really underachive and hit it big in the NFL (VandenBosch, Rucker to name a couple). NU lost out on mega DT recruit Haloti Ngata. Very shady situation there. that guy is going to be an animal for BYU.

Very good incomign class gives NU some hope, but they need to play these youngsters who are in the mold of their 93-97 style of defenses: Ruud, Bland, Hollowell, Hopkins, J. Smith to name a few.

I would not be at all suprised to see them lose on the road to Penn State, A&M, Iowa State and Texas. If NU wins 9 games next year Solich should be coach of the year.

Colorado: Gary Barnet is a schitty coach. Until they find some defenders chalk this year up as a fluke. Colorado is real good every 10 years. They will be lucky to win 6 games next year. They have not recruited well lately.


If anyone wants me to break a team down further I can and will.

[hawkeye]

i'll take the bet on colorado winning 6 games next year--sounds like a poor nebraska loser to colorado this year?? nebraske says cu is not a rival or big game to them--hummmm-i don't believe it

[DNOMYAR_5791]

This has got nothing to do with being a sore loser. I think my breakdown was objective. The cupboard is very bare in Boulder right now IMO.

[Felonious Monk]

DNOMYAR, great breakdown and this was exactly the input I was looking for.

I did wonder why Lord didn't get alot of playing time this year and how detrimental it could be to the team next year but I'm guessing that one reason was that not too many games were in hand throughout the season. I would say that the secondary was the biggest surprise this year in that they gave up so many yards and big plays that hurt them. I watched the US Army High School All-Star game last weekend and Ngata absolutely tore it up. I would say he impressed me the most out of any player. Did you also see that he had 19 blocked PAT's? Holy shit! I don't know the complete details of why he chose BYU (mormon?) after verballing to you guys but it must really suck that he got away.

Another thing I want to touch on is the Nebraska fanbase. I think they're probably the best fans in all college football. I remember when we broke their 47 game home winning streak in Lincoln, instead of being bitter assholes, they actually gave our team a standing ovation at the end of the game. Unbelievable. Oh, they bitch, and there will be considerable criticism of Solich, but they manage to do it with some civility and out of the limelight.

I was particularly embarassed at some of our fans at the Big 12 Championship game. Don't think for a minute that the stalwart support NU fans give their team isn't integral to the team's success. The excuse of those "Longhorn Fans" who demean players, coaches, & staff is that such pressure is needed to prod those so demeaned on to greater efforts. ("The minute we start to settle for, etc"). What a load of self-serving, self-congratulatory bullshit. The success Coach Brown has experienced at the University of Texas has come despite the antics of a legion of poltroon fans who turn on the coaches, the players, and the team in their greatest hour of need.

In point of fact, if Mackhas demonstrated one shortcoming as a coach, it has been his inability to convert a pack of howling, ignorant, arrogant fans, into a gang of diehard fanatics who have enough heart to stand with the players and staff in time of need come what may. It hasn't been for want of trying on his part. God knows, he has harped on this point. The problem here, I think, is the quality of the fan being coached. Too bad he can't recruit fans. Too bad he can't cut fans. None of those who booed Chris Simms or have called for Davis' job would be asked to suit up.

Just another thing to ponder about.



check out the sea of red

[DNOMYAR_5791]

Thanx monk. Glad to see that you are an objective guy as well.
I will be honest, I use to hate Texas----with a passion. They took 2 National Titles away from the Huskers 96 and 99. However I have realized that the sleeping Giant woke up. I think the Big 12 was most beneficial to them out of any team in this thing. They would have continued to flail if the SWC continued to operate. NU does have some great fans. I think CU fans have you guys beat though LOL (again not a grudge thing)
One thing I will give Mack credit for is that he brought immediate high expectations to that program which IMO is good. Some folks fail to realize that these are 18-21 year old kids sometimes.

I watched that all-star game with NGATA too and became sick to my stomach. He still wants to come to NU to play football. Vai Sikahema is his uncle and badly wants him to go to BYU. He has been talking to him and this is one of the major reasons he has decommited. His mother does as well. He is going on a mission and a nasty rumor floats around that NU will not let players go on a mission and we are heathens is total BS. Oregon has made a late push for him, becasue they have a Mormon center on campus but the distance is also a factor. Recievers Coach Ron Brown is a minister and gives the kids every opportunity to let kids have Religion first. Vai Sikahema is now a sportscaster over here in Philly.

You know, Nu had Vasher signed sealed and delivered and pulled his offer late in the game? They felt they had a chance to sign Holiday and pulled his offer at the last minute.

Aurmon Satchell also verbaled to NU but that has an ugly story behind it as well. (guy named Garvin is on our death wish list)

Believe it or not Nu did not play that many close games. Texas Tech was not as close as some guys think. They had 1 punt return for a TD. Nu also had numerous turnovers and moved the ball at will. They almost choked at the end but they were the first real "0ffense" Nu saw last year. The problems they had with the secondary were not Groce and Craver. Great DB's. it was lack of pass rush. It was pitiful. I don't know why TO wanted to Hire Nelson Barnes awway from you guys, but it to me was no coincdence that he coached there when you guys had some of the worst Defenses in the country. He also coached Tony Brackens --perennial underachiver in college and look what he did by the time he hit the pros.

At one time, Lord was thougt to even be good enough to take the job away from Crouch. Crouch quit the team for a day back in 99 when Solich gave the job to Newcombe. He went to Omaha and was going to transfer to Ohio State. He talked things over with his HS Coach and they kind of cut a deal with Solich in the HS coach's office. Lord is big, strong and deceptively fast. He can throw the ball very well. I hate to say it, b/c EC is a friend of mine but Newcombe would have been the better QB. And that is a scary statement. Newcombe had an absolute rocket for an arm. Crouch played his whole career hurt. He could actually throw well until they started banging up his shoulder which was never truly right his whole career and you would see him with good passing #'s early that would fade. He played the last 3 games with bruised ribs and a slight shoulder separation that was not publicized.

I think this would be a great thread to keep open and other conference insiders should open one up about their respective conferences. This would be very helpful for the upcoming year.

If you want to discuss any other teams or Nu in depth lemme know!!!!

[Felonious Monk]

DNO, wow I didn't know that about Vai Sikahema being his uncle and the persuasion of him to go to BYU because of the missionary thing. That has to eat at you because of the simplicity of the matter. Well, good thing we won't be facing him for the next few years!

David Garvin! LOL Let me first say that I follow recruiting religously and I know alot about this guy. David Garvin is a boom-boom-two-dollar recruiting whore whose opinion is for sale to anything willing to buy. The past few years Garvin ran his recruiting board with emphasis on UT. This year with the new site he almost acts like an a-hole. Seems to hate UT. Horn fans alike have disowned this guy ever since an "incident" went down with him and the coaches, not exactly sure what but he is now anti-Texas and is said to be pretty tight with the OU staff. In my experience, he has sprung and confirmed some valuable UT recruiting news almost verbatim from sources like Rivals and various other fan sites which might have led to his so-called demise in the Horn community.

I'm not sure if you were in the recruiting circles at this time but I want to share a funny little story with you about Garvin that took place right after John Mackovic was canned. It's kind of long but you should enjoy it.

It seems like it was a Thursday or Friday night on the first big recruiting weekend after Christmas break ended. With the holiday doldrums mercifully over, the austin360.com recruiting board was hopping pretty good that night because lots of key recruits were coming in. Early recruiting was essentially unknown in those days, and we were going to entertain 10, maybe 12 uncommitted guys that particular weekend. We had to do well that weekend or the Aggies might kick our ass with their annual January recruiting bash later in the month. It was a big, big weekend.

So Texas recruitnik's hearts beat fast, the adrenaline was flowing, and we were posting up a storm. We all thought that if we posted about the recruits long enough, we could just will them into committing. It was that kind of a night. Know what I mean?

Anyhow, here's everyone posting, comparing notes, and otherwise getting generally revved up over our important upcoming weekend when this new post pops up. Jayakris, a well respected poster out of CA, puts up this new post entitled "Gotch Yarbrough".

The post itself was like others of the type we read all the time except it dealt with this new exotic guy out of, I think, Ontario, Canada. Excellent stats -- though not outlandishly impossible -- that made you think, "Wow, we've got some interest from a new stud out of Canada and he's coming in this weekend! Cool!" Plus the new out of state guy with the funny first name played at a then "need" position at DE. The post was written in a standard informational type prose that was unassuming and disarming.

Recruiting junkies kept posting through the evening about the guys coming in that weekend, "has so-and-so been sighted yet?", and so forth, and now I, and others, are also talking about the unknown guy out of Canada coming in. You know, stuff like, "Hey this Yarbrough kid out of Canada had 18 sacks his SR year and he seems to have some real interest in us, plus all the West Coast clubs like him, so maybe he can play DE", etc.

In these days the 900 number business was still going pretty strong. Garvin had one.

About 10:30 pm or so, after everyone's all hyped up over Gotch Yarbrough, here comes jayakris, posting, "hey, guys, I got ya, bro -- just kidding." It took me 20 minutes to figure out what the hell he was talking about, and other posters had to literally spell it out to me, dense as I am. Whooosh! -- "got ya, bro" went completely over my head at the time.

Pretty funny, huh? Yea, it was. Fooled us all. A lot of "fuck you jayakris -- dick" type stuff, mirthful hilarity all around. Funny, but now done, right? Well, not exactly. In fact, not done at all.

About an hour later or so -- good grief -- guys are posting saying, "Garvin's talking about Gotch Yarbrough on his 900 number -- Can you believe it!" Everyone heads to the phone, and sure enough, here's Garvin reciting jayakris' post seemingly word-for-word like it's Garvin's "scoop." The entire 360 bbs family is suddenly stunned at their keyboards, collectively wondering, "WTF??", eyebrows furrowed, and then . . . .

Let the howling and peals of derisive laughter and posts begin. And did they ever.

It takes Garvin a couple hours to figure out it's just a frickin' internet bbs joke post, but it's too late: Garvin's running with the "breaking news" -- for pay, mind you -- over his telephone 900 number. When Garvin finally realizes he's disseminated joke garbage he got off of a bbs over his pay service, he panics. Instead of just admitting his "scoop" was bogus and apologizing, Garvin gets his panties all wadded up in a knot, acting like somebody done him wrong, adopting this incongruous holier-than-thou attitude.

Incredulously, before the night is over, Garvin is so distraught he actually threatens to sue jayakris. And he's serious as hell. Which brought about a second round of laughter and merriment even more jolly than the first. In those days, Garvin was, I think, still associated with Robert Heard, lawyer, and, for reasons associated with Heard, I suspect, Garvin kept the fiasco alive for several days preaching to the bbs about the dangers of the big bad courtroom.

Garvin didn't sober up for about a week before he figured out the best thing to do was shut the fuhk up and move on. To Garvin's credit, though, he finally settled down and after several months he actually could laugh about the now infamous "Gotch Yarbrough Affair" himself. But it took him a long time to get there.

Gotch Yarbrough -- Texas Longhorn interent legend.

[Felonious Monk]

Regarding Satchell, I'm not sure what took place regarding his recruiting or even if/how Garvin had to do with anything but all I remember is him saying that he had a great visit and all of a sudden committed to the Huskers. We were pretty shocked but wished him the best. I believe it was the next day or so that he switched saying, "I just didn't sleep well the night after I committed to Nebraska, something didn't feel right. So when I talked to the Texas coaches today, I committed to Texas."

He might be our starter at the MIKE postion next year. He's big and fast at 6'2 220 4.6 and is a superb tackler. His Senior year, he was second in the state in tackles with 180+ with 7 sacks. His coach was quoted as saying, "He’s the best player in Colorado. He’s the best defensive player period, regardless of position." This comment is even more impressive when you realize that national top 100 LB Lacy McDonald -- a Michigan commit -- was a teammate at Denver Jefferson, as well as superstar RB Marcus Houston.

As far as Vasher goes, I remember he came into the picture rather late. He started raising eyebrows at the Texas 7-on-7 tourney, playing tourney star Vontez Duff better than any other player. I never saw any video of him before he got to campus so I didn't know what to expect but he's greatly exceded any expectations I've had for him. I mean he is a highlight show every time he touches the rock. We haven't seen that kind of excitement in many many years here in Austin.

[wigs]

funny shit, Monk. hilarious post. dont know much mroe than what i see UT recruiting, havent watched any of them, just hear stories(dont we all) very excited about the new class, but then again you should be able to recruit the hell out of UT and the city of Austin i think. take care buddy

[Felonious Monk]

wigsta, thx man....I still get a kick out of that story.

Regarding our recruiting, gurus are saying that this will be in all probability the single best class ever assembled (point system wise) since the scholarship limit evolved.

I believe Vincent Young will lead us to the promised land!

Anyone else wanna contribute to the thread with some good info on their team?

[taoist]

…hey guys, if there’s anything I love in this world….it’s college football!!! I mean, look around…. How many folks visitin’ tha CFB forum in late Jan??? Let me tell ya somethin’…. If you’re here in late Jan, (…and baby, I’m here!!!) then you are a college football addict!!! I absolutely love the insite I get on this forum!!! You guys are the best!!!! I wish there were more of us....

I thought I’d post this for you big 12 fans…. I’m sure that you’ve already seen it passed around on your e-mail, but I thought I’d post it for the few that haven’t seen it…. It’s long…real long, but absolutely hilarious!!! Keep in mind that…I mean no disrespect in this post…. It’s all in good humor, baby…and, if you’d ever met me…you’d know that this has been me on game day in K-town.

p.s. I’ll work up somethin’ on tha “real” UT and post it after exams in February…. Keep up the great work guys….


This is an e-mail from some guy named (can't say), who, according to the
> messages that were attached to this, is not a 21 year-old frat boy, but
> an attorney of indeterminate age. He sent it to his friend (won't tell)
> and it got forwarded around the country. You have to give the guy some
> props for being self-deprecating...but I hope I never meet him on game
> day…. Especially in Knoxville…

>
> A chronology of events for Saturday, December 4, 1999, and the early
> morning hours of Sunday, December 5, 1999:
>
> 6:00 Arise, play the Eyes of Texas and Texas Fight at full-freaking blast
>
> 6:20 Get in car, drive to New Braunfels
>
> 7:30 Tee off (me and a buddy were the FIRST tee-time of the morning)
>
> 8:50 Turn 9 (crack open first beer)
>
> 8:53 Crack open second beer
>
> 8:58 Crack open...(you get the idea)
>
> 10:30 Finish 18 (holes, as well as beers), sign scorecard for a
> smoooooth 95
>
> 10:35 Headed for San Antonio
>
> 10:50 Buy three 18-packs for pre- and post-game festivities
>
> 11:10 We decide we don't have enough booze, so we double-back to a liquor
> store and buy the good ol' 750 ml plastic bottle "Traveler" Jim Beam
>
> 11:50 Arrive at the tailgate spot. Awesome day. Not a single cloud in the
> sky. About 70 degrees.
>
> 11:55 I decide that we're going to kick the shit out of Nebraska.
>
> 11:56 I tell my first Nebraska fan to go fuck himself.
>
> 12:15 The UT band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. We're on the
> second floor of a two-story parking garage on the corner (a couple
> hundred of us). We're hooting and hollering like wildmen. The band
> doubles back to the street right below us and serenades us with Texas
> Fight and The Eyes of Texas. AWESOME MOMENT.
>
> 12:25 In the post-serenade serendipity, 50-100 grown men are bumping
> chests with one another, each and every one of them now secure and
> certain of the fact that we are going to kick the shit out of Nebraska.
>
> 1:00 The Nebraska band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. Again,we
> hoot and holler like wildmen. Again, the band doubles back and stops
> right below us to serenade us, this time, however, with the Nebraska
> fight songs. *Although somewhat impressed by their spirit and verve, we
> remain convinced that we are going to kick the shit out of Nebraska.
>
> 1:30 I begin the walk to the Alamodome, somehow managing to stuff the
> "Traveler" and 11 cans of beer into my pants.
>
> 1:47 I am in line surrounded by Nebraska fans. They are taunting me. I am
> taunting back, still certain that we are going to kick the shit out of
> Nebraska. I decide to challenge a particularly vocal Nebraska fan to play
> what I now call and will forever be remembered as "Cell-Phone Flop Out."
> Remember flop out for a dollar? The rules are similar. I tell this
> Nebraska jackass that if he's so confident in his team, he should "flop
> out" his cell phone RIGHT NOW and make plane reservations to Phoenix for
> the Fiesta Bowl. And then I spoke these memorable words: "And not those
> damn refundable tickets, either! You request those non-refundable,
> non-transferrable sons-of-bitches!" He backs down. He is unworthy. I call
> Southwest Airlines and buy two tickets to Phoenix, non-refundable and
> non-transferrable. Price: $712. He is humbled. He lowers his head in
> shame. I raise my cell phone in triumph to the cheers of hundreds of
> Texas fans. I am KING and these are my subjects. I distribute the 11
> beers in my pants to the cheering masses. I RULE the pre-game kingdom.
>
> 2:34 Kickoff. Brimming with confidence, I open the Traveler and pour my
> first stiffy.
>
> 2:45 I notice something troubling: Nebraska is big. Nebraska is fast.
> Nebraska is very pissed off at Texas.
>
> 3:01 The first quarter mercifully ends. 9 yards total offense for Texas.
> Zero first downs for Texas. I'm still talking shit. I pour another stiffy
> from the Traveler.
>
> 3:36 Four minutes to go in the first half: the Traveler is a dead
> soldier. I buy my first $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. While I am
> standing in line, a center snap nearly decapitates Major Applewhite and
> rolls out of the end zone. Safety.
>
> 3:56 Halftime score: Nebraska 15, Texas 0. I wish I had another Traveler.
>
> 4:11 While urinating next to a Nebraska fan in the bathroom at halftime I
> attempt to revive the classic Brice-ism from the South Bend bathroom:
> "Hey, buddy, niiiiiiiiice cock." He is unamused.
>
> 4:21 I buy my 2nd and 3rd $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. I share
> my beer with two high school girls sitting behind me. Surprisingly, they
> are equipped with a flask full of vodka. I send them off to purchase
> Sprites, so that we may consume their vodka. I have not lost faith.
> Nebraska is a bunch of pussies.
>
> 4:51 No more vodka. The girls sitting behind me have fled for their
> lives. I purchase two more $5 beers from the Alamodome merchants.
>
> 5:18 Score is Nebraska 22, Texas 0. I am beginning to lose faith. This
> normally would trouble me, but I am too drunk to see the football field.
>
> 5:27 I call Southwest Airlines: "I'm sorry, sir. Those tickets have been
> confirmed and are non-refundable and non-transferrable."
>
> 5:37 I try to start a fight with every person behind the concession
> counter. As it turns out, the Alamodome has a policy that no beer can be
> sold when there is less than 10 minutes on the game clock. I am enraged
> by this policy. I ask loudly: "Why the fuck didn't you announce last call
> over the fucking PA system??!!"
>
> 5:49 Back in my seats, I am slumped in my chair in defeat. All of a
> sudden, the Texas crowd goes absolutely nuts. "Whazzis?," I mutter,
> awaking from my coma, "Iz we winnig? Did wez scort?" Alas, the answer is
> no, we were not winning and we did not score. The largest (by far) cheer
> of the day from the Texas faithful occurred when the handlers were
> walking back to the tunnel and Bevo stopped to take a gargantuan shit all
> over the letters "S", "K", and "A" in the "Nebraska" spelled out in their
> end zone. I cheer wildly. I pick up the empty Traveler bottle and stick
> my tongue in it. I am thirsty.
>
> 6:16 Nebraska fans are going berserk as I walk back to the truck. I would
> taunt them with some off-color remarks about their parentage, but I am
> too drunk to form complete sentences. With my last cognitive thought of
> the evening, I take solace in the fact that if we had not beaten them in
> October, they would be playing Florida State for the national
> championship.
>
> 6:30 Back in the car. On the way back to Austin for the 8:00
> Texas-Arizona tip off. We can still salvage the day! I crack open a beer.
> *It is warm. I don't care.
>
> 7:12 We have stopped for gas. I am hungry. I go inside the store. I walk
> past the beer frig. I notice a Zima. I've never had a Zima. I wonder if
> it's any good. I pull a Zima from the frig. I twist the top off and drink
> the Zima in three swallows. Zima sucks. I replace the empty bottle in the
> frig.
>
> 7:17 There is a Blimpie Subs in the store. I walk to where the
> ingredients are, where the person usually makes the sub. There is no one
> there.I lean over the counter and scoop out half a bucket of black
> olives. I eat them. I am still hungry. I lean further over the counter
> and grab approximately two pounds of Pastrami. I walk out of the store
> grunting and eating Pastrami. The patrons in the store fear me. I don't
> care.
>
> 8:01 We are in South Austin. I have been drinking warm beer and singing
> Brooks and Dunn tunes for over an hour. My truck-mate is tired of my
> singing. He suggests that perhaps Brooks and Dunn have written other good
> songs besides "You're Going to Miss Me When I'm Gone" and "Neon Moon" and
> that maybe listening to only those two songs, ten times each was a bit
> excessive. Perhaps, he suggests, I could just let the CD play on its own.
> I tell him to fuck off and restart "Neon Moon."
>
> 8:30 We arrive at the Erwin Center. My truckmate, against my loud and
> profane protestations, parks on the top floor of a nearby parking garage.
> I tell him he's an idiot. I tell him we will never get out. I tell him we
> may as well pitch a fucking tent here. He ignores me. I think he's still
> pissed about the Brooks and Dunn tunes. I whistle "Neon Moon" loudly.
>
> 8:47 I am rallying. I have 4 warm beers stuffed in my pants. We're going
> to kick the shit out of Arizona.
>

[taoist]

...sorry guys, had to post in 2 threads....


> 9:11 Halftime score: Texas 31, Arizona 29. I am pleased. I go to the
> bathroom to pee for the 67th time today. I giggle to myself because of
> the new opportunity to do "the bathroom Brice." There are no Arizona fans
> in the bathroom. I am disappointed. I tell myself (out loud) that I have
> a "Niiiiiice cock." No one is amused but me.
>
> 9:41 I walk to the bathroom while drinking Bud Light out of a can.
> Needless to say, they do not sell beer at the Erwin Center,much less Bud
> Light out of a can. I am stopped by an usher: "Where did you get that,
> sir?" I tell him (no shit): "Oh, the cheerleaders were throwing them up
> with those little plastic footballs. Would you mind throwing this away
> for me?" I take the last swig and hand it to him. He is confused. I
> pretend I'm going to the bathroom, but I run away giggling instead. I
> duck into some entrance to avoid the usher, who is now pursuing me. I
> sneak into a large group of people and sit down. The usher walks by
> harmlessly. I am giggling like a little girl. I crack open another can of
> Bud Light.
>
> 9:52 I am lost. In my haste to avoid the usher, I have lost my bearings.
> I have no ticket stub. I cannot find my seats. Texas is losing.
>
> 10:09 Texas is being screwed by the refs. I am enraged. I have cleared
> out the seats around me because I keep removing my hat and beating the
> surrounding chairs with it. A concerned fan asks if I'm OK and perhaps I
> shouldn't take it so seriously. I tell him to fuck off.
>
> 10:15 After the fourth consecutive "worst fucking call I have EVER
> seen,"I attempt to remove my hat again to begin beating inanimate
> objects. However, on this occasion I miscalculate and I thumbnail myself
> in my left eyelid, leaving a one-quarter inch gash over my eye. I am now
> bleeding into my left eye and all over my shirt. "Perhaps," I think to
> myself, "I'm taking this a bit seriously."
>
> 10:22 I am standing in the bathroom peeing. I'm so drunk I am swaying and
> grunting. I have a bloody napkin pressed on my left eye. My pants are
> bloody. I have my (formerly) white shirt wrapped around my waist. I look
> like I should be in an episode of Cops.
>
> 10:43 Texas has lost. I put my bloody white shirt back on my body and
> make my way for the exits. I am stopped every 20 seconds by a good
> samaritan/cop/security guard to ask me why I am covered in blood, but I
> merely grunt incoherently and keep moving.
>
> 10:59 With my one good eye, I have located the parking garage. I walk up
> six flights of stairs, promise that when I see my friend I will punch him
> in the face for making me walk up six flights of stairs, find the
> truck,and collapse in a heap in the bed of the truck. I look around and
> notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole
> flights, and no one is moving. I take a nap.
>
> 11:17 I awake from my nap. I see my friend in the driver's seat. I lift
> my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined
> up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is
> moving. I am too tired to punch my friend. I call my friend a "Stupid
> cocksucker."
>
> 11:31 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that
> traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and
> no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid cocksucker."
>
> 11:38 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that
> traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and
> no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid cocksucker."
>
> 11:47 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that
> traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and
> no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid cocksucker."
>
> 11:58 I am jostled. The truck is moving. I lift my head to look out the
> bed of the truck and notice that traffic is beginning to move on the
> second floor. I jump out of the truck, walk to the edge of the parking
> facility, and pee off the sixth floor onto the street below. My friend
> looks at me like I just anally violated his minor sister. I turn around
> and pee on the front of his truck while singing the lyrics to "Neon Moon."
>
> 12:11 We are moving. We are out of beer. I jump from the truck and go
> from vehicle to vehicle until someone gives me two beers. I am happy. I
> return to my vehicle.
>
> 12:26 We have emerged from the parking facility. We make our way to my
> apartment and find Ed sitting on the couch with a freshly opened bottle
> of Glenlivet on the coffee table in front of him. We are all going to die
> tonight.
>
> 12:59 We have finished three-quarters of the bottle of Glenlivet. We
> decide it would be a wonderful idea to go dancing at PollyEsther's. Ed
> has to pee. He walks down the hall to our apartment and directly into the
> full length mirror at the end of the hall, smashing it into hundreds of
> pieces. We giggle uncontrollably and leave for PollyEsther's.
>
> 1:17 The PollyEsther's doorman laughs uncontrollably at our efforts to
> enter his club. "Fellas," he says in between his fits of spastic
> laughter, "I've been working this door for almost a year. I've been
> working doors in this town for almost 5 years. And I can honestly say
> that I ain't never seen three drunker mother fuckers than you three.
> Sorry, can't let you in." We attempt to reason with him. He laughs harder.
>
> 1:44 We find a bar that lets us in. We take two steps in the door and
> hear "Last call for alcohol!" I turn to the group and mutter: "See, dat
> wasn't that fuckin' hard. Day don't fuckin' do that at the Awamo...the
> awaom...the alab...fuck it, that stadium we was at today..." We order 6
> shots of tequila and three beers.
>
> 2:15 Back on the street. We need food. We hail a cab to take us the two
> and one half blocks to Katz's. The cab fare is $1.60. We give him $10 and
> tell him to keep it.
>
> 2:17 There is a 20 minute wait. We give the hostess $50. We are seated
> immediately.
>
>
> 2:25 We order two orders of fried pickles, a Cobb salad, a bowl of
> soup,two orders of Blueberry blintzes, two Reuben sandwiches, a
> hamburger, two cheese stuffed potatoes, an order of fries, and an order
> of onion rings.
>
> 2:39 The food arrives. We are all asleep with our heads on the table.The
> waiter wakes us up. We eat every fucking bit of our food. Most of the
> restaurant patrons around us are disgusted. We don't give a fuck.
> The tab is $112 with tip.
>
> 2:46 I'm sleepy.
>
> 9:12 I wake up next to a strange woman. She is the bartender at Katz's.
> She is not pretty.
>
> HOOK 'EM HORNS, BABY!!! Out-
> __________________________________________________ _____________

[Felonious Monk]

taoist,

Yes, I have read that story numerous times and it is the funniest shit I've ever read! Thanks for posting it because it never gets too old for me.

My favorite line:

9:41 I walk to the bathroom while drinking Bud Light out of a can. Needless to say, they do not sell beer at the Erwin Center,much less Bud Light out of a can. I am stopped by an usher: "Where did you get that, sir?" I tell him (no shit): "Oh, the cheerleaders were throwing them up with those little plastic footballs. Would you mind throwing this away for me?" I take the last swig and hand it to him. He is confused. I pretend I'm going to the bathroom, but I run away giggling instead.

This guy actually reminds me of myself, a die hard fan and always ready for a good time.

[Red Raider]

Ahhhh college, the good old days.... been a long time since I had a day like that (OK I never had a day quite like that, but you know what I mean)

I've been out for 12 years and every year gets a little more tame!

Thanks for the story, it was great.

RR

[wigs]

funny story, went to that UT/Nebraska game myself, wish i wouldnt have..

here is a link from dallas paper, looks like one of ags OL had to retire(back problems), too much bending over when feeding the pigs or bailing hay i suppose

http://www.dallasnews.com/sports_day...an.82d05b.html



:p

[Mr. Steve]

i agree