Here's some good news and some bad news.

First the good news.

Mandalay Bay a beautiful casino! In fact, it's my favorite of all the casinos in Las Vegas. The hotel is magnificent. The layout is spacious -- not cramped like so many other Strip casinos. The décor is exquisite. The Shark Reef is one of the best aquariums I've ever seen. There are many excellent dining and entertainment options (any casino with a "House of Blues" has my vote). This is the best Poker Room in the city of Las Vegas -- in terms of customer service. I have played at Mandalay Bay at least 60 times in the last three years and have always been impressed with the professionalism of the staff and dealers. The parking area is conveniently located less than a minute's-walk away from the Poker Room and Sports Book -- which means it's one of the few casinos where it's actually advantageous to self-park instead of valet.

Now, the bad news.

The sportsbook sucks!

 

This is the worst-managed sports book in the city. I base this on many visits and lots of personal exposure to the sports book. What makes this truly appalling is that the rest of the casino is so impeccable that it makes the sports book stand out like an ugly mustard stain on a black tuxedo, by comparison.

I've watched dozens of games inside the Mandalay Bay sports book. I usually wandered over from the Poker Room (it's adjacent) when I had a bet on a game. But since I moved to Las Vegas, I have come to Mandalay SPECIFICALLY to watch a game and have left disappointed and angry on at least two occasions.

Here's one story that sums up my Mandalay Bay experience.

(Note: I came in dressed in nice slacks and a starched button-down shirt, with polished dress shoes -- not cutoffs and a t-shirt, so I clearly fit in with the upscale casino crowd).

I arrive before the start of a Monday Night Football game. I go up to the counter and make a wager (a $220 bet). I then go take a seat and parse over some of the lines on the tote board for next week's games. The cocktail waitress comes by, announcing "Drinks?"

I perk up and ask for a coffee with cream only (Note: No alcohol). The waitress gives me a funny look.

"You need a drink ticket," she says.

I show her that I have made a wager and expect her to just nod and move on. But, no. The waitress explains rather curtly that I must have a comp drink ticket to place any drink order. I object saying that it's "just coffee" I am ordering. After all -- in the Poker Room I am used to ordering (and receiving without getting in lip service) top of the line drinks. The waitress moves on and I half-expect her to bring me my coffee anyway.

Ten minutes goes by and the waitress comes back. She walks past me like I'm the invisible man stuck in a tar pit. No dollar tip for this bitch.

Okay, fine.

Now, it's getting personal. I want my coffee!

I walk up to the counter where there are two sports book tellers -- and a man who looks like a supervisor standing directly behind them. There is an Asian man standing in front of the teller. Here's a bit of the conversation:

Asian Man: (In broken English) I want to bet Philadelphia for one hundred.

Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller: You want to win or lay one-hundred?

Asian Man: Huh?

Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller: The line is Eagles -3 at -120. You want to win or lay one hundred?

Asian Man: I thought the cost was -110?

Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller: It's minus $120.

Asian Man: I don't understand. It's always -110.

Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller: (Getting impatient) Look, it's gonna' cost you -120 to play Philadelphia. If you want Washington it's "even."

Asian Man: (silence -- look of confusion)

Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller: Next in line! (there is only one other person in line to make a wager). The man comes, places a bet, and leaves)

Asian Man: So, what it cost me to bet Philadelphia?

Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller: Minus 120.

Asian Man: But what if I only want to bet $110.

Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller: Then, bet $110! (looking to the supervisor like he's talking to an idiot -- supervisor looks straight ahead and says and does nothing to help the situation.)

Asian man looks confused, gives up, and finally walks away.

Now, here's where things get even more interesting.

Put off by what I have seen (the staff being unhelpful to a novice gambler), I am determined to keep this short and to the point. I ask the same "Fat-Ass Sports Book Teller" for a drink ticket. The teller (whom I just saw 15 minutes earlier) asks if I've made a bet on the game. I say "yes." He says, "Let me see the ticket." I show this buffoon the ticket and then the teller suddenly realizes that he has no more tickets in his stash.

"Talk to the man behind me," the teller barks. The teller then looks off in the distance, as if daydreaming.

The man behind the teller is now busy talking on the phone. Fair enough. I understand that things can get busy when there's JUST ONE football game going. After a minute or so, the supervisor asks "What do you need?"

I ask for a drink ticket. This is becoming like the begging game. I'm a paying customer in a $500 million casino and I'm being treated like I'm asking for full RFB and a bottle of 1962 LaFite Rothschild.

The supervisor walks to the end of the counter (it's a long counter that extends all the way into the horse and race area). He comes back about a minute later and I am standing there looking straight at him. Meanwhile, another man comes up to the sportsbook window about midway down and ask the supervisor a question. The supervisor HANDS THE MAN (who looks absolutely nothing like me) MY DRINK TICKET!

The supervisor then walks BACK the other way and goes behind the wall. I'm standing there with my hands on my hips, just knowing I have to be on the fucking Candid Camera Show. I mean, this can't be real. All I want is a god damned coffee!!!

Wait, there's more.

Now, it's to the point where I'm going to get my coffee if I have to get half a dozen people fired doing it. Ever know what it’s like to be violated so many times that now it becomes total war? That's the stage I was nearly at.

The supervisor comes back out. He walks towards the sports area and I interrupt him as he strolls by (totally oblivious to me or anything going on in the customer area).

"I'm still waiting for my drink ticket," I say (still being polite).

"I just gave you a drink ticket," the supervisor protests.

"No, you gave that ticket to SOMEONE ELSE that doesn’t look anything like me. I was standing over here waiting and watching you the whole time."

The supervisor looks at me and stares silently ahead. I feel like I'm bluffing at a $5,000 pot and am getting the eye. Will he think I'm lying? Will he thinking I'm conning him out of a drink ticket? Will he think I'm actually a scatterbrain off the street who just looking for a freebie?

At this point, I just about can't take it anymore. I say -- "Just forget it!" The supervisor walks off and couldn't care less. Nice job. Customer service, my ass. Prick.

Now, to part two. Because I was to meet some friends at the Mandalay Bay, I am obliged to stay at this high-dollar clip-joint for the rest of the night. Naturally, I would have stormed out at the way I was treated and to borrow the Al Pacino line, preferred to "PUT A FLAME THROWER TO THIS PLACE!.

So, I go up to the area adjacent to the sports book where there are several empty chairs and tables. I sit down, my friends join me soon thereafter, and we order a round of drinks. No freebies up here. Beers are $4.50 a pop (in a casino!). A glass of rock-gut shit wine that comes out of a box costs $7.00. We run up a $50 bar tab. I never did get my coffee.

Now, to the sport book review. The best thing about the Mandalay Bay sports book is the giant TV screen. This is the biggest screen in the city -- perfect for watching one game in primetime -- like Monday Night Football. Other than that, the viewing situation is very average. There are six screens on the sports side of the room, which are decent, but there's nothing exceptional in terms of viewing. Horseracing gets way too much space here (In 50 visits, I've never seen the race area anywhere even close to capacity) -- which is the mark of a poorly designed facility. Bathroom access is excellent, with the restroom conveniently located just a few steps away. The coconut odor is everywhere.

Needless to say, the staff in this establishment is atrocious. It’s like the rest of the casino staff went to charm school and this bunch in the sports book was hired out of a salvage yard. I have made many NBA wagers here (and watched many games) and have consistently been appalled at how unhelpful these people behind the counter are. I'm also fed up with snooty cocktail waitresses (several bad experiences -- and yes, I'm a good tipper). Funny how you can get a drink at any dive in town, but this upscale shit box forces you to hand over a comp ticket like the Gestapo asking for "papers." In terms of sports and handicapping promotions, this place gets a total ZERO. They do absolutely nothing for the sports gamblers here (hell, you can’t even get a cup of coffee!!!). The nearby snack bar on the left side of the room is ridiculously overpriced ($9 for a hamburger and chips -- before tip). The sports book does a poor job of providing up-to-date linesheets with odds and offers absolutely no helpful handicapping information (unlike the Stardust and Palace Station which offer seminars, contests, plenty of materials, etc.). If it were not for that giant TV, this sports book would get my lowest possible rating.

The bottom line: This is the armpit of what is otherwise a magnificent casino. Bring on the flame thrower!

ATMOSPHERE: B

COMFORT: C

TV SCREENS: B

STAFF: F

COMMITTED TO SPORTS GAMBLING: F

OVERALL: D