as many of you know I got a divorce recently, my question is how long does it need to be before my kids meet my new woman? they are 2 and almost 6 years old
divorce question about kids
- Thread starter hedgehog
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Couldnt agree more, but if you want an unqualified opinion I would say it depends on how serious you are about her. Certainly dont want potentially multiple women coming in and out of their lives during a time that will already be a huge adjustment for them. Confusion cant be a good thing for them now.
good answer, its going to be a long term relationship I think, hell, I do not know, she wants to meet them, we were friends for 11 years before dating :shrug:
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Bud I have been down this road and if you want to waste $$$ on a professional go right ahead. Unless they have been in this situation then it's a waste of time and $$$.
Your first mistake is even being involved with a woman after a divorce especially if you or her want it to be serious. Your gonna regret it. I could go on and on about this but your a grown man so thats for you to decide.
About the kids. They are young. They know 1 mommy and daddy. That is all they need to know. Bringing someone else into their lives is going to do nothing but add confusion, jealousy from your ex and many and I mean many phone calls, arguments, threats and hatred from your ex. Jealousy is a bitch.
Wait till your new found love :142smilie tells the kids what to do etc. It will happen trust me. Kids will tell their mother.Fireworks will go off like never before.
I have seen this happen to many.
Now as far as what I did. I got my kids every weekend. When I had my kids it was just that me and the kids. No beer, no golf, no friends. Nothing else..just me and the kids. I never brought a woman around until nearly 8 years after the fact. Guess what even after 8 years my ex got jealous and she became an even bigger bitch. 14 years later and guess what. I still have the same issue with my ex regarding my current wife. Go figure.
Best advice is to leave the pussy alone and spend as much time as you can with the kids. If you don't you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Your first mistake is even being involved with a woman after a divorce especially if you or her want it to be serious. Your gonna regret it. I could go on and on about this but your a grown man so thats for you to decide.
About the kids. They are young. They know 1 mommy and daddy. That is all they need to know. Bringing someone else into their lives is going to do nothing but add confusion, jealousy from your ex and many and I mean many phone calls, arguments, threats and hatred from your ex. Jealousy is a bitch.
Wait till your new found love :142smilie tells the kids what to do etc. It will happen trust me. Kids will tell their mother.Fireworks will go off like never before.
I have seen this happen to many.
Now as far as what I did. I got my kids every weekend. When I had my kids it was just that me and the kids. No beer, no golf, no friends. Nothing else..just me and the kids. I never brought a woman around until nearly 8 years after the fact. Guess what even after 8 years my ex got jealous and she became an even bigger bitch. 14 years later and guess what. I still have the same issue with my ex regarding my current wife. Go figure.
Best advice is to leave the pussy alone and spend as much time as you can with the kids. If you don't you will regret it for the rest of your life.
- Feb 26, 2001
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Not a bad place to ask for advice. When you need answers to important life questions, ask a bunch of alcoholics (self proclaimed or actual) who are also gambling degenerates that will wager on a wheelchair race. A group of individuals that participate in the all time problem solving solution of saying "fuck it" and striding over to the fridge and hitting countless cold ones. Your advice seeking on these boards could be met (most likely) with sarcasm and comments made in jest.
On the other side, but good luck with your play.
In all seriousness, do not introduce them until you can both admit you are in a serious relationship and you have had a deep discussion about what it means to bring your kids into the relationship. I speak from the viewpoint of a child who grew up in a single parent home. Good luck. I'm off to down a cold one and //ignore my crying twins.
jealousy is a bitch, I know, my exwife could not be a bigger bitch than she is right now :scared she has no idea I have a girlfriend, I heard thru the grapevine she has a boyfriend and quite frankly, good luck to him, he will need it I guarantee you:142smilie I am going to just have my kids by myself, I know what you mean no golf, drinking, etc when you have your kids.
thanks for your perspective of a single parent home, I grew up with parents who argued all the time, and that was bad too
There are support groups now for single dads etc. dealing with parenting and divorce. Look around in your area. Not saying you need to attend but it would be a good place to get some real life answers from single parents who may be dealing with this issue. I can gaurantee they will all say the same thing. Leave the woman out of their lives for now.
Ask some friends or family as well and see if they know of anyone as well who has dealt with this. Ones who have their lives together though. Not the many who could care less about their kids once they divorce.
No matter what anyone says it will be you who makes the choices and decisions. I have no idea about who or what you are but now would be a great time to take a step forward in life and grow up if needed.....instead of going backwards.
Kids are like sponges they absorb eveything around them.
Just my 2 cents.
Thanks man, very good advise, my kids are going through a tough time right now, especially my daughter, think it needs to be more time after thinking about it
Not sure hedgy but I do know it's been long enough to post the ex in the Amateurs With & Without thread :0corn
- Feb 12, 2000
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Wait until you no longer need to ask this question, because it is still too early even then. Trust me, I made this mistake and it affects kids more than you can realize. Angela was 2nd to meet them and after 1 year it was time. My kids were older when meeting, but it went well. Angela had 2 as well. Her oldest still cannot stand me, no matter what positive we put into his life. I replaced "Dad" and that was not going to happen on his watch. I didn't want to replace him, but he did not see anything but black and white with it. I was the "bad " guy taking his Mom's time. Very sad. His Dad's new wife faces the same issues. Just angry.
Your divorce just ended, chill the fuck out with your kids and leave women out of their lives. Women do not validate you, you validate yourself with the things you do with them directly.
Your divorce just ended, chill the fuck out with your kids and leave women out of their lives. Women do not validate you, you validate yourself with the things you do with them directly.
My daughter is now 26 years old and never felt her mother's touch until her 13th birthday, and they have been able to establish some semblance of a relationship since but not a typical relationship. I was twenty when she was born and I remarried when she was 11. She met my fiance after we had dated around three years. Granted she was older than yours however the only thing I could think every time I tried to thing about introducing them is "what if". In other words, there is no clear answer for this question and it is completely dependent on your specific situation and your priorities.
Let's break it down a bit.
A 2 year old can barely walk or keep from wetting the bed, meaning they don't even have the mental capacity to take care of themselves to the point of normal body functions. Taxing them now with a new gf or what not isn't necessarily the wrong thing to do nor is it the right thing to do. It's a thing that you simply don't do. The little one's stomach is as barely as big as your fist at this point. So when they get hungry, which is often, they count on you to make everything better. To a 2 year old, hunger is a crisis. Think about the magnitude of trying to understand something that not only have they no idea what to think or even how to fathom what is going on with this. My suggestion is to do like I did. My daughter was introduced to my ex wife as a planned happenstance meeting. Then I let her ask the questions and it worked out great.........well for those two at least............for me it sucked that bitch was nuts.
Let's break it down a bit.
A 2 year old can barely walk or keep from wetting the bed, meaning they don't even have the mental capacity to take care of themselves to the point of normal body functions. Taxing them now with a new gf or what not isn't necessarily the wrong thing to do nor is it the right thing to do. It's a thing that you simply don't do. The little one's stomach is as barely as big as your fist at this point. So when they get hungry, which is often, they count on you to make everything better. To a 2 year old, hunger is a crisis. Think about the magnitude of trying to understand something that not only have they no idea what to think or even how to fathom what is going on with this. My suggestion is to do like I did. My daughter was introduced to my ex wife as a planned happenstance meeting. Then I let her ask the questions and it worked out great.........well for those two at least............for me it sucked that bitch was nuts.
