Dogs That Bark

[Handi Capper]

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over here and you're putting?'

'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly, 'they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'.

'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?

'No time at all', says her husband. 'Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'.

 

[Agent 0659]

:mj07: :mj07: :mj07:

Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.



The
usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has
been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their
names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually
fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I
think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she
w ent out again and I decided to really check on her.
Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I
could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night

out with "the girls". When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her
blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and
slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I
noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline
crack right by the club head.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop
where I bought it?


Signed,
Perplexed

 

[no pepper]

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around,
he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

"I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.
"I'm on number 14, and you 're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.

"No, I won't," he replied.

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.

"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

 

[Morris]

Good ones!! :mj07: :mj07:

 

[DOGS THAT BARK]

---Groundskeeper at Agents local course comes running up to him out on course--"we got a problem Chad --one of our lady members got stung by those hornets between the 1st and 2nd hole--what should I do"
Chad: "Tell her that her stance is too wide."

 

[RollTide72]

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden .... POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm
Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any
butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"

THEN, POOF .... she was gone. After Dave got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. "Fred, where are you?"

Fred yelled back, "I'm over here, in the pussy willows."

Dave yelled back, "DON'T SWING, FRED!! For the love of God, DON'T SWING!!!

 

[Handi Capper]

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden .... POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm
Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any
butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"

THEN, POOF .... she was gone. After Dave got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. "Fred, where are you?"

Fred yelled back, "I'm over here, in the pussy willows."

Dave yelled back, "DON'T SWING, FRED!! For the love of God, DON'T SWING!!!

:00x12 :00x12 :00x12 :00x12

 

[SixFive]

:142smilie :142smilie

 

[boilermaker]

:142smilie :mj07: :00hour