Giving your school age children independance

[PAChicky]

I'm curious to know when you gave your children freedom to stay home alone during the day in the summer or after school? What are their ages? What kind of rules do you have?

Seeing as how I live 4 houses from my kids schools, my ex hubby, his wife and I have come up with a plan that we hope works. During my weeks (we share weekly 50/50 custody) they will walk to the house instead of me driving to town to pick them up after school and bring them back out to work with me for another hour and a half. On their dads weeks we are also going to have them walk to my house and then they will get picked up by one of them after they get off work. Bre would have to wait at her school for Kolby to walk down (the schools are all next to each other and have sidewalks provided) and then they would walk to the house together. Bre is almost 12, and Kolby turned 9 in June. We live in a pretty decent small town.

Of course they would have to call to check in when they get to the house. There will be a set of rules like no horsing around, sit down and get your homework started and or done, chores done if there are any that day, etc. I'm not sure about letting them have a snack for fear of them choking. Then if everything is done they can play the Wii or DS until I get home or they get picked up.

So if this is something you do with your kids how do you have it set up? I'm looking for some input to make things go as smoothly as possible. :0008

 

[airportis]

guess this place is turning into a parenting forum too

 

[Sportsaholic]

guess this place is turning into a parenting forum too

Hedgie will be along soon with sound parenting advice.........opcorn2

 

[hedgehog]

Hedgie will be along soon with sound parenting advice.........opcorn2

my kids are only 7 and 4 they can't stay by themselves yet, however I would say 11 or 12 to stay home by themselves and a set of rules for sure :0008

 

[The Joker]

It depends on the kids. Not the age.

 

[Mr. Poon]

my kids are only 7 and 4 they can't stay by themselves yet, however I would say 11 or 12 to stay home by themselves and a set of rules for sure :0008

But going shopping with strangers, errr I mean your lady friends, is acceptable. Makes sense.

 

[hedgehog]

But going shopping with strangers, errr I mean your lady friends, is acceptable. Makes sense.

SHE WASN'T A STRANGER I KNEW HER FOR 10 YEARS :shrug:

 

[Sportsaholic]

SHE WASN'T A STRANGER I KNEW HER FOR 10 YEARS :shrug:

I assume this means she no longer likes you.........:shrug:

 

[The Boys]

I watch my neighbors 24 year old daughter after school.........pictures to follow.

 

[PAChicky]

It depends on the kids. Not the age.

That's why we are going to try this on a trial basis. No horsing around will be tolerated. I have already talked to them about being responsible, making the right decisions, and thinking things through because there are always consequences to consider. I think it's that whole maternal instinct thing that I am so worried that I need to protect them but at the same time I want to give them freedom. Plus it means my babies are growing up.

 

[fatdaddycool]

For fucks sake, someone makes a post seeking a little friendly advice and it goes straight to the fucking useless bullshit Jaek asked to be stopped in a few posts. Christ!!!


Chicky,
I was a single parent and had this same issue when my daughter was the same age. My solution was to have her walk from the bus stop to the house where either I or her grandparents would pick her up about two hours later. This is what I learned and what worked for me.

The time alone could not be idle time, it simply didn't work out. She was a good kid but idle time leads to bad decisions, so I tried to remove any situation from that two hours in which she would have to make a decision.

She had to have her homework complete by the time she was picked up every day. I had a snack available that was put in a ziploc bag in the fridge and it was clearly marked. Any deviation for something other than what was in that bag was not allowed. She had to let the dogs out as soon as she got home, then immediately go change out of her school clothes.
I guess what I am saying is that at this age, it takes surprisingly few tasks for kids to perform on their own to take up that hour and a half of after school time that doesn't include turning on the television. For me it was all about presenting Kristyn with increasingly difficult tasks to perform that would help lead her towards ultimate self sufficient freedom. When presented with any issue in which she was rewarded with additional freedoms and liberties, whether it be in the form of accolades or additional trust, she started to excel. All of it served a purpose that benefited both of us. She quickly realized that her actions when home alone were directly proportional to her social freedoms. She started to make good decisions, assume responsibility, and learn that a little effort goes a long way. Within a relatively short time she started watching other kids after school and readily accepted the added responsibility and she extended that structure to the two other kids she watched.

Hope this helps,
FDC

 

[Sportsaholic]

Sorry dad........

 

[Agent 0659]

For fucks sake, someone makes a post seeking a little friendly advice and it goes straight to the fucking useless bullshit Jaek asked to be stopped in a few posts. Christ!!!


Chicky,
I was a single parent and had this same issue when my daughter was the same age. My solution was to have her walk from the bus stop to the house where either I or her grandparents would pick her up about two hours later. This is what I learned and what worked for me.

The time alone could not be idle time, it simply didn't work out. She was a good kid but idle time leads to bad decisions, so I tried to remove any situation from that two hours in which she would have to make a decision.

She had to have her homework complete by the time she was picked up every day. I had a snack available that was put in a ziploc bag in the fridge and it was clearly marked. Any deviation for something other than what was in that bag was not allowed. She had to let the dogs out as soon as she got home, then immediately go change out of her school clothes.
I guess what I am saying is that at this age, it takes surprisingly few tasks for kids to perform on their own to take up that hour and a half of after school time that doesn't include turning on the television. For me it was all about presenting Kristyn with increasingly difficult tasks to perform that would help lead her towards ultimate self sufficient freedom. When presented with any issue in which she was rewarded with additional freedoms and liberties, whether it be in the form of accolades or additional trust, she started to excel. All of it served a purpose that benefited both of us. She quickly realized that her actions when home alone were directly proportional to her social freedoms. She started to make good decisions, assume responsibility, and learn that a little effort goes a long way. Within a relatively short time she started watching other kids after school and readily accepted the added responsibility and she extended that structure to the two other kids she watched.

Hope this helps,
FDC

Dude,

Who the fuck wrote this?:shrug:

:mj07:

 

[Sportsaholic]

Dude,

Who the fuck wrote this?:shrug:

:mj07:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/zMRrNY0pxfM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[fatdaddycool]

Sorry dad........

No apology necessary Sports. Especially to me, I am not any authority here. Besides, I wasn't addressing anyone in particular. I just think that Chicky was actually looking for a little friendly advice a little bit more than she was looking for a rehashing of another Hedgey bash.


It happens.

 

[Sportsaholic]

No apology necessary Sports. Especially to me, I am not any authority here. Besides, I wasn't addressing anyone in particular. I just think that Chicky was actually looking for a little friendly advice a little bit more than she was looking for a rehashing of another Hedgey bash.


It happens.

Understood, I am trying to change my ways.....But it's damn hard.....:0008

 

[fatdaddycool]

Dude,

Who the fuck wrote this?:shrug:

:mj07:

I read it in a magazine at the doctor's office. :toast:

 

[fatdaddycool]

Understood, I am trying to change my ways.....But it's damn hard.....:0008

Please don't change brother!!!!

You're one of the best posters on here. I mean that whole-heartedly.

:0008

 

[hedgehog]

I assume this means she no longer likes you.........:shrug:

she is a golddigger :sadwave: I broke it off with her last summer and we haven't spoken since :sadwave:

back to the original question, I was in the 5th grade and my parents let me stay after school for a couple hours by myself

 

[PAChicky]

For fucks sake, someone makes a post seeking a little friendly advice and it goes straight to the fucking useless bullshit Jaek asked to be stopped in a few posts. Christ!!!


Chicky,
I was a single parent and had this same issue when my daughter was the same age. My solution was to have her walk from the bus stop to the house where either I or her grandparents would pick her up about two hours later. This is what I learned and what worked for me.

The time alone could not be idle time, it simply didn't work out. She was a good kid but idle time leads to bad decisions, so I tried to remove any situation from that two hours in which she would have to make a decision.

She had to have her homework complete by the time she was picked up every day. I had a snack available that was put in a ziploc bag in the fridge and it was clearly marked. Any deviation for something other than what was in that bag was not allowed. She had to let the dogs out as soon as she got home, then immediately go change out of her school clothes.
I guess what I am saying is that at this age, it takes surprisingly few tasks for kids to perform on their own to take up that hour and a half of after school time that doesn't include turning on the television. For me it was all about presenting Kristyn with increasingly difficult tasks to perform that would help lead her towards ultimate self sufficient freedom. When presented with any issue in which she was rewarded with additional freedoms and liberties, whether it be in the form of accolades or additional trust, she started to excel. All of it served a purpose that benefited both of us. She quickly realized that her actions when home alone were directly proportional to her social freedoms. She started to make good decisions, assume responsibility, and learn that a little effort goes a long way. Within a relatively short time she started watching other kids after school and readily accepted the added responsibility and she extended that structure to the two other kids she watched.

Hope this helps,
FDC

THANK YOU! That helps give me some reassurance that we aren't making a bad choice in at least trying to do this. I agree about idle time. They will have their homework, then chores, and anything else I can conjure up. The snack thing I still worry about. lol When I picked them up at school today I pointed out all the spots where they would cross and where she was supposed to stand to pick him up. I am still going to do a run through with them tonight after supper though. Letters have been written to their homeroom teachers which will then get forwarded to the office so they are aware. Our schools are really good about posting teachers and adults at various locations and I can honestly say I have NEVER heard of a child getting hurt in our school district walking home from school. Although right now there is a town wide detour on our street which means our street is now "Main" street and there is about 3 times more the amount of traffic until November. Even then so far no injuries. So tomorrow we will see how the first day goes. :shrug: