Funny Things That I've Learned About Texas

Chopsticks

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Feb 15, 2002
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Arlington, TX (But a Missourian at heart)
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.

The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25, then it stops totally until October 2.

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.

A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

Onced and twiced are words.

Coldbeer is one word.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Green grass DOES burn.

When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.

Fix-n-to is one word.

A TANK is a dirt hole that holds water for irrigation, watering the cows, or swimming.

There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there's supper.

"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?"

! You don' t have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

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You Know you are from Texas if:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

4. You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.


5.You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store. (note: in the portion above "fix-n-to" is one word....)

6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables for your own car.

9. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

l0. You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco.

11.. You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.

12.. You think sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

13.. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football.

14.. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

15.. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

16.. You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.

17.. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.

18.. You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.

19.. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world".

20.. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

21.. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand of flavor.

22.. You understand these jokes. If you do, forward them to your friends from Texas or others so they'll understand Texans...
 

Mjolnir

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as a born an raised Texan, i resemble those remarks.
good stuff. i think the high school football one was the most accurate.
:D
 

Box and one

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Feb 26, 2000
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Hudson Valley area.....NY
Went to college in Texas.Married a Texan.Have a daughter who has become a Texan.
But my favorite being a new yorker is...Many native Texans have had a relative die at the Alamo.Someone generations ago.
But if you add all those up.Travis would have had about 25,000 soldiers defending to Santa Anna's 3,000
 

loudog

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Mar 13, 2002
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Re: Funny Things That I've Learned About Texas

Chopsticks said:
You Know you are from Texas if:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.


Just got back from texas and can relate..

1. We asked for directions to a night club and the girl says: 25 minutes down that route.

2. Was wearing shorts in 80 degree weather at noon, and had to wear a jacket out the same night.
 

beantownjim

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THE ONLY THING I KNOW ABOUT TEXAS IS IF YOU SEE A BIG OLD COWBOY WEARING A FAG COWBOY HAT YOU BETTER NOT BEND OVER.THESE GOOD OLD BOYS DONT ONLY LOOK GAY 75% ARE SO NEXT TIME YOU ALL DOWN IN TEXAS AND A COWBOY ASK'S YOU IS THAT YOUR DOLLAR ON THE GROUND BE CAREFULL HOW YOU BEND OVER TO PICK IT UP:moon: HEE HAW (KEEP THEM HOGGIES MOVING RAW HUMP) THE ONLY THINGS IN TEXAS ARE STEERS AND QUEERS OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN AND I BELIEVE IT:moon:

ALWAYS SLEEP WITH YOUR HANDS ABOVE THE COVERS THIS WAY YOU WONT BE TEMPTED TO TOUCH YOUR WEINER;)
 

Simply In The Red

is broke.
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Oct 14, 2001
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Lost in Texas
13.. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football

Fox Sports channel even has a special segment on it. How do you raise your football kids? :thefinger
 
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