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An elderly retired Marine Fighter Pilot moved into a retirement community where eligible men were at a premium. After he had been there for a week, he went to confession and said. . . "Bless me Father for I have sinned. Last week I was with seven different women." The priest replied, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing." "Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?" "No," said the priest. ."but it will wipe that shit-eatin' grin off your face."
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Subject: Deer Hunters!!
It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, What are you up to? Alice smiles, I'm going hunting with you! Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot. Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, Get away from my deer! Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, Get away from my deer! followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!
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A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
An elderly retired Marine Fighter Pilot moved into a retirement community where eligible men were at a premium. After he had been there for a week, he went to confession and said. . . "Bless me Father for I have sinned. Last week I was with seven different women." The priest replied, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing." "Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?" "No," said the priest. ."but it will wipe that shit-eatin' grin off your face."
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Subject: Deer Hunters!!
It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, What are you up to? Alice smiles, I'm going hunting with you! Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot. Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, Get away from my deer! Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, Get away from my deer! followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
