Lawyer Haskell & Doctor Freeze

[buddy]

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night.

The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes.

When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."

 

[buddy]

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.

"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."

The attorney replied, "I'll take it".

 

[buddy]

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God?s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

 

[gardenweasel]

buddy....you knew this was irresistable....you fiend....



You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?"

"Absolutely! What's the second question?" ...........rimshot...

 

[gardenweasel]

"It was so cold last week that I saw several lawyers with their hands in their own pockets."
...another rimshot....

 

[gardenweasel]

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.............

two rimshots...

 

[THE KOD]

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.............

......................................................................

gw

good ones.

I just made this one up.

Whats the differance between a dick and a lawyer ?

Nothing !

 

[gardenweasel]

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

 

[Eddie Haskell]

The weasel I understand but, et tu buddus?

Eddie