Sunday night ESPN announcers are brutal
December 22, 2004
Have you noticed who?s playing in the Sunday night ESPN game this week? It?s the 3-11 Cleveland Browns against the 3-11 Miami Dolphins. Thank goodness.
For once I won?t have to watch the Sunday night game and be bombarded by the incessant chattering of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann, Paul Maguire and sideline reporter Suzy Kolber. These four screamers have succeeded in ruining a pleasurable experience with their constant hype and hyperbole.
For the love of God can?t someone tell these four to TONE IT DOWN. Please, my eardrums can?t take anymore. I still haven?t recovered from the Steelers-Jaguars game three weeks ago. Yes, it was entertaining, but it was not the most fantastic game ever played.
I am so sick of hearing Patrick gushing over ?great? three-yard runs and ?booming? 35-yard punts, while saying a player is one of the best in the NFL when there are at least 10 others at his position who are better.
Can Patrick ever start a sentence without saying, ?YOU TALK ABOUT ?? or ?I?LL TELL YOU WHAT ?? or ?YOU WANNA SEE ??
Forget about bookmakers putting up over/under totals on the score. They should put an over/under on how many times you lower the volume.
Theismann is one of those guys who is not real bright, but always has an opinion he?s panting to express. He?s not exactly ?Norman Einstein.? Throw out enough opinions and a few will hit the dart board. Most fall flat. Some are just plain moronic such as what Theismann said last week on a special Saturday night ESPN game after the Falcons were penalized 10 yards from the two-yard-line to the 12 with under two minutes left needing a touchdown to tie the Panthers.
He said the Falcons were actually in better shape because Michael Vick now had more room to operate. Yes, Vick did manage to dive into the end zone from the 12, but where would you rather try to score from the 2 or 12?
Maguire has nothing going. He?s neither funny nor knowledgeable. Maybe his shtick is to come across as some kind of poor man?s John Madden. Instead he sounds pompous. His favorite word, especially on instant replays, seems to be ?watch,? like we would be doing anything else with the TV on.
Their excessive ass-kissing of Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, Ray Lewis and any other superstar they happen to be covering that night is the worst kind of fawning. It almost makes you want to root against these players, even if you have a bet on their team.
The crew is going to face their greatest challenge Sunday, though, trying to come up with enough superlatives for A.J. Feeley, Luke McCown, Sammy Morris and William Green.
Listening to Patrick, Theismann and Maguire is like being in a crowed bar next to three noisy, obnoxious drunks. You feel like the tormented soul in Edvard Munch?s painting ?The Scream.?
And Suzy Kolber. What has gotten into her? Forget Barry Bonds. It?s Suzy who must be on steroids. She is so amped. Earth to Suzy, you don?t have to scream EVERY word and HYPE every player.
Maybe Joe Namath wanted to kiss Suzy in order to get her to shut up. Now if Patrick, Theismann and Maguire can just go interview Namath.
Stephen's Picks
NFL - Football
December 22, 2004
Have you noticed who?s playing in the Sunday night ESPN game this week? It?s the 3-11 Cleveland Browns against the 3-11 Miami Dolphins. Thank goodness.
For once I won?t have to watch the Sunday night game and be bombarded by the incessant chattering of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann, Paul Maguire and sideline reporter Suzy Kolber. These four screamers have succeeded in ruining a pleasurable experience with their constant hype and hyperbole.
For the love of God can?t someone tell these four to TONE IT DOWN. Please, my eardrums can?t take anymore. I still haven?t recovered from the Steelers-Jaguars game three weeks ago. Yes, it was entertaining, but it was not the most fantastic game ever played.
I am so sick of hearing Patrick gushing over ?great? three-yard runs and ?booming? 35-yard punts, while saying a player is one of the best in the NFL when there are at least 10 others at his position who are better.
Can Patrick ever start a sentence without saying, ?YOU TALK ABOUT ?? or ?I?LL TELL YOU WHAT ?? or ?YOU WANNA SEE ??
Forget about bookmakers putting up over/under totals on the score. They should put an over/under on how many times you lower the volume.
Theismann is one of those guys who is not real bright, but always has an opinion he?s panting to express. He?s not exactly ?Norman Einstein.? Throw out enough opinions and a few will hit the dart board. Most fall flat. Some are just plain moronic such as what Theismann said last week on a special Saturday night ESPN game after the Falcons were penalized 10 yards from the two-yard-line to the 12 with under two minutes left needing a touchdown to tie the Panthers.
He said the Falcons were actually in better shape because Michael Vick now had more room to operate. Yes, Vick did manage to dive into the end zone from the 12, but where would you rather try to score from the 2 or 12?
Maguire has nothing going. He?s neither funny nor knowledgeable. Maybe his shtick is to come across as some kind of poor man?s John Madden. Instead he sounds pompous. His favorite word, especially on instant replays, seems to be ?watch,? like we would be doing anything else with the TV on.
Their excessive ass-kissing of Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, Ray Lewis and any other superstar they happen to be covering that night is the worst kind of fawning. It almost makes you want to root against these players, even if you have a bet on their team.
The crew is going to face their greatest challenge Sunday, though, trying to come up with enough superlatives for A.J. Feeley, Luke McCown, Sammy Morris and William Green.
Listening to Patrick, Theismann and Maguire is like being in a crowed bar next to three noisy, obnoxious drunks. You feel like the tormented soul in Edvard Munch?s painting ?The Scream.?
And Suzy Kolber. What has gotten into her? Forget Barry Bonds. It?s Suzy who must be on steroids. She is so amped. Earth to Suzy, you don?t have to scream EVERY word and HYPE every player.
Maybe Joe Namath wanted to kiss Suzy in order to get her to shut up. Now if Patrick, Theismann and Maguire can just go interview Namath.
Stephen's Picks
NFL - Football
