I've been doing this for years. I got a couple of connections down at a few of the local funeral parlors, and they let Ol' Clem know when a guy with money sells the buick. I go get a shave and a haircut and get the old suit pressed. Now Uncle Clem can clean up pretty good as long as the Seahag ain't around. So after a quick bite I'm out the door for the wake, but not before a couple of belts and a few sprays of Aqua Velva. (The women love that shit)
When I get downtown for the festivities I park the freshly waxed Pontiac and head inside. I look around to make sure noone I know is around and when the coast is clear I start to work the room. Bumping elbows with all of the revelers and sharing a few laughs, making everybody feel a little better about the poor scmuck on display checking out. People got me figured for a cousin or something and are just coming up to me to bend my ear. I let them know that Old Jack in the Box made a few bets before he cashed in the chips and owes the book a few dimes. I tell them I can't afford to cover the whole thing and say I'm gonna ask his queen for some green. You'd be surprised how quick these guys go to the moneyclip and pull back a benjamin or two, just to spare old Jack a little final wrath from the queen. This even works on the women. What can I tell you I guess I got an honest face, that and the chicks dig me. As I finally make it to the box I shed a tear and say a quick word to the Old chap and then it's time for the feature presentation.
I go up to thie Lady who's husband or brother checked out and offer my condolences and a quick story to lighten the mood. I let her know in passing about Jack in the Box's outstanding debt and how I don't know where I'm going to get the money. Wouldn't you know it 9 times out of 10 the grieving widow has me over to the old homestead before the weeks out to settle the unfortuanate transgression. Sometimes she is alright looking for an older broad and I feel like taking her for a spin. But that just wouldn't be right. So I take my cash and go home to rough up the subject. If it was a real good score I go visit the "niece" down in AC to get the Ol' fire hat polished.
I usually get at least 5 dimes foir this service I provide, and always tip the Ushers at the dead shack. Without them none of this would be possible.
When I get downtown for the festivities I park the freshly waxed Pontiac and head inside. I look around to make sure noone I know is around and when the coast is clear I start to work the room. Bumping elbows with all of the revelers and sharing a few laughs, making everybody feel a little better about the poor scmuck on display checking out. People got me figured for a cousin or something and are just coming up to me to bend my ear. I let them know that Old Jack in the Box made a few bets before he cashed in the chips and owes the book a few dimes. I tell them I can't afford to cover the whole thing and say I'm gonna ask his queen for some green. You'd be surprised how quick these guys go to the moneyclip and pull back a benjamin or two, just to spare old Jack a little final wrath from the queen. This even works on the women. What can I tell you I guess I got an honest face, that and the chicks dig me. As I finally make it to the box I shed a tear and say a quick word to the Old chap and then it's time for the feature presentation.
I go up to thie Lady who's husband or brother checked out and offer my condolences and a quick story to lighten the mood. I let her know in passing about Jack in the Box's outstanding debt and how I don't know where I'm going to get the money. Wouldn't you know it 9 times out of 10 the grieving widow has me over to the old homestead before the weeks out to settle the unfortuanate transgression. Sometimes she is alright looking for an older broad and I feel like taking her for a spin. But that just wouldn't be right. So I take my cash and go home to rough up the subject. If it was a real good score I go visit the "niece" down in AC to get the Ol' fire hat polished.
I usually get at least 5 dimes foir this service I provide, and always tip the Ushers at the dead shack. Without them none of this would be possible.
