headlines from year 2029

Chopsticks

Fish Head
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Feb 15, 2002
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Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,

they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hey! I just sent it. I didn't write it!)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines
 

ripken8

yankee hater
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Jul 1, 2004
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I can see alot of those happening chopsticks, but it's still funny.
 

beantownjim

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Jun 29, 2001
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THE NOW 65 YEAR OLD AND TIRED JACK WOODEN HAS DECIDED TO BAN VINNIE THE WISE ARSE GARLIC SNAPPER FOR THE 200TH TIME WHILE 71 YEAR OLD BEANTOWNJIM FINALLY WHACKED HIS YOUNG RUSSIAN NEIGBOR YURI WITH HIS CANE.WHEN THE POLICE AXED BEANTOWNJIM WHY HE BROKE THE CANE OVER THE RUSSIANS HEAD ALL BEANTOWNJIM COULD SAY WAS I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS 30 YEARS AGO WHEN HE LET A NIGERIAN STEAL MY LAWNMOWER.BOYS I DONT LIKE TO LOOK INTO THE FUTURE SO MAYBE TOMORROW I WILL WHACK THIS F-CKER OVER THE HEAD WHY WAIT 24 YEARS.I JUST HOPE I AM STILL AROUND IN 2029 I WANT TO MAKE A SCORE AT THE BINGO PARLORS WITH ALL THE OTHER OLDTIMERS
 

freelancc

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beantownjim said:
THE NOW 65 YEAR OLD AND TIRED JACK WOODEN HAS DECIDED TO BAN VINNIE THE WISE ARSE GARLIC SNAPPER FOR THE 200TH TIME WHILE 71 YEAR OLD BEANTOWNJIM FINALLY WHACKED HIS YOUNG RUSSIAN NEIGBOR YURI WITH HIS CANE.
:mj07: :mj07:
 

kosar

Centrist
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Nov 27, 1999
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President Jeb Bush II dares the opposition in Iraq to 'bring it on' and cites numerous examples of progress in Iraq.

3 more key Al-Qeada leaders arrested, which makes 1345 high-level terrorists captured since 2003. On the lam terrorist Bin-Laden, known to be on dialysis, is thought to be sick and possibly dying. In his latest video, he looked gaunt and weak. The CIA is trying to authenticate the video.

15 Marines killed by lethal unmanned drone that George W. Bush warned us about in 2003.

White House consultant Rumsfeld, 98, recommends drawing down troop level in Iraq to 350,000 by 2040.

Rich kids dodge draft to avoid Iraq and Korean wars.

Admin outraged that 26 years after the start of the Iraqi war, Syria still refuses to stop flow of terrorists across their border with Iraq. Sanctions threatened.

Marking the ten year anniversary of the 'massacre of Tehran,' students in Iran hold vigils to honor the 15,000 protesters killed during the uprising of 2019.
 

FUZZY NUTZ

I LUV KOD
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Feb 10, 2002
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THAT DISGUSTING FAT SLOB YYZ CALLS A GIRLFRIEND STOPS BEING SO CHEAP AND THEY GO TO VEGAS AGAIN AND USE A SHIT LOAD OF EARLY BIRD / BLUE PLATE SPECIAL SENIOR CITIZEN COUPONS.
 

ripken8

yankee hater
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Jul 1, 2004
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HEADLINES FROM 2029

someone sends a maid to clean the beer off taoist's monitor :mj07:
 

taoist

The Sage
Forum Member
I'll be damned, that crazy bastid Scott-ATL has already sent one over here!!!! :scared :scared


...and I took a picture for the forum!!! :scared





..............





..............






French%20Maid%20Dingo.JPG


:mj07: :mj07:
 

ripken8

yankee hater
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Jul 1, 2004
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taoist,

that's funny. but where the heck did you get a picture of mrs. btj. :scared
 

worm44

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Nov 20, 2002
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Headlines for 2029..

Buffalo Bills and Sabres win respective Championships in same year-Freelanc gives up sufing and moves to Buffalo...

Scott-Atl follows Freelanc because he wants to learn to shovel snow...

Jack posts 1,000,000th thread asking for no more bashing...

Taoist continues to track Worm44 record looking for any "creative math"....

Poster bets his testicles for the 100,000th time

Nick Douglas wins two wagers in a row

Poster finally realize there is a ton of money being won in the "off the wall" forum

MOre to come.................................
 

ripken8

yankee hater
Forum Member
Jul 1, 2004
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worm,

that would be so great if your first headline came true.

what did you think of the Rigas getting convicted?
 

worm44

Registered User
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Nov 20, 2002
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well-I have a very good friend who works for Adelphia(very good job) and what they did to that company and to the Sabres is pathetic---we should be a lot tougher on corporate criminals in my opinion.....
 
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