The hot air baloon

larryowen

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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don?t know where I am!" The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You?re in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude." She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you guess?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I?m still lost. Frankly, you?ve not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well" said the man, "You don?t know where you are or where you?re going. You?ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You?ve made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You?re in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it?s MY fault."
 

Master Capper

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Jan 12, 2002
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How do you keep a republican busy all day?
Put him in a round room & tell him to wait in the corner.

Why do republicans wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.

What do republicans do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.

Why did the republican state at the forzen juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said "concentrate."

Why don't republicans have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.

Why do republicans work 7 days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What's the difference between Elvis & a smart republican?
Elvis has been sighted.

How does a republican commit suicide?
He gathers all his hate into a pile & jumps off.

What's every republican's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White & learn the alphabet.

What are the worst 6 years in a republican's life?
Third grade

How do you make a republican laugh on Monday mornings?
Tell them a joke on Friday night

Why do republicans hate M&M's?
They're too hard to peel.
 

Master Capper

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Al Gore, George W. Bush, & Rush Limbaugh are riding in a helicopter together. Rush decides to make one person happy & drops a dollar bill out of the helicopter. Bush wants to make five people happy, & drops five dollar bills out of the helicopter. Al Gore decides to do something to make everyone in the States happy, and drops Bush & Limbaugh out of the helicopter.
 

Palehose

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Jun 22, 2005
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Bwahahaha even the Republicans jokes are a lot better than The Dems :mj07:
 

spibble spab

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Apr 16, 2004
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Master Capper said:
How do you keep a republican busy all day?
Put him in a round room & tell him to wait in the corner.

Why do republicans wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.

What do republicans do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.

Why did the republican state at the forzen juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said "concentrate."

Why don't republicans have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.

Why do republicans work 7 days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What's the difference between Elvis & a smart republican?
Elvis has been sighted.

How does a republican commit suicide?
He gathers all his hate into a pile & jumps off.

What's every republican's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White & learn the alphabet.

What are the worst 6 years in a republican's life?
Third grade

How do you make a republican laugh on Monday mornings?
Tell them a joke on Friday night

Why do republicans hate M&M's?
They're too hard to peel.

every polish joke ive heard in grade school and you just switch it with "repbulican" your wit astonishes me :mj07:
 

spibble spab

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Apr 16, 2004
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Concord, Michigan
Master Capper said:
Al Gore, George W. Bush, & Rush Limbaugh are riding in a helicopter together. Rush decides to make one person happy & drops a dollar bill out of the helicopter. Bush wants to make five people happy, & drops five dollar bills out of the helicopter. Al Gore decides to do something to make everyone in the States happy, and drops Bush & Limbaugh out of the helicopter.


very original, son. i have the book
 

Palehose

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Jun 22, 2005
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spibble spab said:
every polish joke ive heard in grade school and you just switch it with "repbulican" your wit astonishes me :mj07:


Exactly ! But than again its a Democrat so about par for the course .
 
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