NEED HELP CHARLIE

pd1

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Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for my daughter? How much are you asking for yours?


3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?


5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees'of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this: 27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

102

Sincerely,

A fellow member of The Moral Majority
 

larryowen

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I will see if I can answer a stupid question. Lets throw out the old testament becuase if we didn't I would like to see how many of Gods law you have broken.

1. Have you ever stolen if so you should give your hand.

2. Have you ever hated look on someone with evil, maybe someone cut you off while driving then you should be put to death.

3. How about looked on a another woman with lust then you are guilty of adultry and should be put to death.

4. But we live in a time of grace thank God.

5. So lets go back to your question. God invented marriage in the Garden of Eden, not man, not George Bush. God made marriage to between man and woman Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Therefore it is against Gods law to have a sexual relationship with anyone other than your spouse. So since marriage is ordained by God sex between 2 men is against Gods law because 2 men can't be married in the sight of God.
 

kosar

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larryowen said:
God invented marriage in the Garden of Eden, not man, not George Bush. God made marriage to between man and woman Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Therefore it is against Gods law to have a sexual relationship with anyone other than your spouse. So since marriage is ordained by God sex between 2 men is against Gods law because 2 men can't be married in the sight of God.

Things are becoming a lot clearer now. Thank you Larry.
 

smurphy

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pd1 said:
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for my daughter?
How old is she and what is her race? Is she hot or if still pre-teen does she look like she will become hot eventually? (ie, what does her mother look like?)

I've been looking for a reliable long-term investment and may be interested. Let's talk.
:)
 

CHARLESMANSON

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pd1 said:
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

I think you have the wrong Charlie. I hate religion but thanks for thinking of me. Who's Leviticus anyways?
 

smurphy

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ferdville said:
For once, I am on the same page as Smurphy.
great - now we'll have a bidding war :cursin: . was thinkin i may be able to get a bargain.
 

CHARLESMANSON

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penguinfan said:
As well brains, intelligent thinking, honesty, forsight and a list of other things.

Thanks once again for the personal attack. It's no wonder you never mention a peep about politics. You are obviously in here to be a dick right?

You up for a debate or are you too smart for me??
 

MrChristo

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Sexlexia...
larryowen said:
. God invented marriage in the Garden of Eden, not man, not George Bush. God made marriage to between man and woman Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Therefore it is against Gods law to have a sexual relationship with anyone other than your spouse. So since marriage is ordained by God sex between 2 men is against Gods law because 2 men can't be married in the sight of God.


Yeah, but in that same case he also advocated marrying your sibling. :shrug: (well...until he seemed to change his mind sometime around the Moses era....changing the rules half way through, ey?...who said God can't be a woman ;))


pd1...Absolute classic. Very funny stuff. :clap:
 

CHARLESMANSON

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Larry please don't tell me the libs planted you in here to give the rest of us conservatibes a bad name lol. I think Heaven's Gate is calling you.

I'm picturing God "inventing marriage" in the garden of Eden. What did they have at the reception...ribs?
 

larryowen

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CHARLESMANSON said:
Larry please don't tell me the libs planted you in here to give the rest of us conservatibes a bad name lol. I think Heaven's Gate is calling you.

I'm picturing God "inventing marriage" in the garden of Eden. What did they have at the reception...ribs?

The fact a person is born gay is absolutely absurd if that is the case my nephew is about to turn 1 on Sunday is there a gay test we can run. Charles I am just as conservative as anybody but if God didn't we will say create marriage who did?
 

djv

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Amen Moses even tho he may have made a mistake. It is strange how some conservatives want those old days back when all was so pure. With a whore house in every little town in America.
 

kosar

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larryowen said:
Where do you see that?

It's in the bible. He had this stone tablet and from the top of a monutain he gave a sermon outlining the basic tenets of marriage.

It was later refined by Peter Corinthian and the Leviticus twins.
 
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