The Stella Awards

[The Boys]

Stella Awards


It's time once again to review the winners of the annual "Stella
Awards." The Stellas are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case
inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous,
successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by
a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who
was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr.Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the
wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a
house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able
to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door
connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The
family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a
large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming
the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the
tune of $500,000.

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500
and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door
neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have
been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed
over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a
pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania , $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and
broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the
owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the
ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded
$12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of
Oklahoma City ,Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot
Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football
game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70
mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make
herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed
and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the
owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her
$1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their
manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other
other complete morons around.

 

[Keyser Soze]

Those are last years............

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Thats okay Keyser. Bias's need to be continually fed and embellished so pre-conceived prejudices and other stupidities can be re-enforced.

Eddie

 

[DOGS THAT BARK]

Several of the Stellas are fiction--

However here are some on the classaction side--Who's best interest is at heart here??


Class action lawsuits are increasing at an alarming rate. In Texas, the backlog of these cases have increased eight-fold in the past decade. Some of these class actions have provided real gains for "Class actions should provide restitution for consumers and not just foraging for attorney fees."
consumers by forcing product changes or recalls or stopping discriminatory behavior. Others, however, represent the worst examples of lawsuit abuse, producing pennies, coupons or offers of service for victims but huge fees for lawyers. Only changes in the law, which the U.S. House of Representatives passed September 23, or appropriate discretion by judges can correct these abuses.
Of the growing litany of class action abuses, the recent ?offer of service? settlement with Southwestern Bell InLine subscribers is one of the most cockamamie. The supposed gain for consumers is that they get a $15 one-time, credit or three-month access to one of three optional Southwestern Bell services, at no cost. The lawyers pocket $4.5 million in fees.

About six million Southwestern Bell customers are automatically parties to the suit unless they opt out in writing. Those who choose the free three months of service will quickly learn there is a catch. In the fourth month, and forever more, these folks will be getting a bill unless they call Southwestern Bell and tell them to turn off what was previously a free service. Many customers will come to realize they would have been better off had the suit been dismissed.

A recent class action suit was settled against Dell Computer and others regarding claims made about the sizes of their computer monitors. Class members received a $13 rebate toward the purchase of $250 in new computer equipment or the right to a $6 rebate next year ? enough to cover the cost of a mouse pad. The lawyers make do with $5.8 million in fees.

Blockbuster--Attorneys 9.25 million--the plaintiffs $1 off coupons

In a recent escrow abuse lawsuit, class members received 23 cents per year up to a maximum settlement of 83 cents. The lawyers received $150,000 in fees.

"A court's decision to certify or approve a class of plaintiffs creates enormous pressure to settle, regardless of the merits of the case."
In many class actions, defendants pay more money to lawyers and the post office than they pay to the class members themselves. Class actions should provide restitution for consumers and not just foraging for attorney fees