Along the lines of Chuck Norris facts...
Jack Bauer
Top Thirty Facts
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fuking hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
If Jack Bauer worked in the Human Resources Department at CTU, there would be no moles working there.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fuking do it.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuk have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer is as cool as Edgar is fat.
Jack Bauer
Top Thirty Facts
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fuking hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
If Jack Bauer worked in the Human Resources Department at CTU, there would be no moles working there.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fuking do it.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuk have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer is as cool as Edgar is fat.
