NEED HELP !!!

[Hooks]

I'm dealing with a 17 yr. old daughter who lost her mother about 3 yrs. ago.
She knows it all, hasn't been home for 5 weeks ( although i know where she works) she's missed 20 days in a row of school,they finally call concerned of her whereabouts!
I have made a police report. She's doing drugs, drinking, wants to be a stripper, everything a single father does not want to hear.
I've contacted help only to be put through the runaround.
My only option is to have the police meet me at her job and take her to get help.
If any of you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it. HOOKS

 

[DeDe]

wow, sorry to read this..rehab & couseling
gl hope she gets the help

 

[vinnie]

.
My only option is to have the police meet me at her job and take her to get help.

I would do it

tough love is the way to go

 

[Hooks]

Thanks DeDe, it's amazing the non-help you get when it comes to our children! I just can't be with her 24-7.

 

[Hooks]

Vinnie, i'm waiting to hear from Vince , my friend and the head chef, tomorrow as he will ask some of her coworkers if they know anything. She's called in sick monday & Tues. and is to be there Friday. Friday may be the worst day of her life , next to losing her mother.

 

[DeDe]

hooks, losing her mother is devasting to a young girl; she needs counseling; drugs help her excape

gl

 

[Hooks]

She's had it, doesn't want to talk to anyone.

 

[ez$]

baker act her its your only other option..
but usually a person in that state of mind can only really be fixed when they decide its time..

good luck and you are your daughter will be in my prayers...god bless you

 

[Hooks]

ez$, thank you my friend. Hooks

 

[vinnie]

Vinnie, i'm waiting to hear from Vince , my friend and the head chef, tomorrow as he will ask some of her coworkers if they know anything. She's called in sick monday & Tues. and is to be there Friday. Friday may be the worst day of her life , next to losing her mother.

This is not going to be easy for her but you know it needs to be done. Hopefully if you get her to people than can help they will open her eyes.

My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Blazer]

I have no idea.

My prayers are with you hooks.

 

[Clem D]

Yes you need to find an outside influence who she respects who can tell her where she is headed. She needs to do this for her though as stated. If she is forced she will leave and it may get worse.

In my prayers. I saw my sister an absolute hopeless case get on a plain to go to rehab 8 years ago. 30 years old and 72 pounds. 8 years later she has a family and leads a clean life.

 

[pinky]

I am sorry to hear about your loss and the troubles you are going through. My thoughts on your situation are

1) It is hard to help someone who does not want help. Even if the police take her to rehab she will not be there for long and chances of a relapse or worse are quite high. Also she will have a pretty good idea that you called the police, which will cause a further gap between the two of you
.
2) I think guilt is one of the greatest forms of motivation or force for change. Instead of yelling at her (not sure what you do). I would suggest being overly nice. Try and plan something you know she would like. At least for the first while do not directly talk about the bad things that she may be doing. Little things like a small gift with a simple card are great. It just reaffirms your love for her, which may help her to make smarter decisions in the future.

3) Girls at this age or any age for that matter do not respond well to sit down discussions or angry conversations with their fathers. She knows all of things she is doing are wrong she doesn?t need you to tell her ?go to school, don?t do drugs, make a smarter career choice?.? Talking about this with her will cause further frustration.

I am not sure if this has been any help?.but I do wish you and your daughter the best.

 

[Hooks]

pinky, I think she, in a weird way, may be mad at me because I'm still alive and her mom is gone.
I like the #2 idea. I thought about simply going to her job and telling her to come home where she belongs, and that we love her dearly.
Sounds harsh but I just want her to reach her 18th birthday. May 12, 2007 then SHE will have to answer to her own mistakes.
I'll always be here for her. She is beautiful and she's my 1st. born.

MTV SUCKS - RAP SUCKS - HIP-HOP SUCKS ETC.
P.S. She's very lucky my fathers not her father!

 

[treyburn]

My personal experience tells me you need to do whatever it takes now. I raised a nephew after he lost both parents at 14 and he has been in and out of trouble since. He is now 22 and for years I cut him too much slack because of his situation. I now realize he was going down the path he chose with or without parents. It all came down to the friends he chose to hang with.His younger brother took a different road and is a sophmore at Auburn and on the deans list.I regret not being tougher on the oldest when I had the chance.

 

[pinky]

Hooks,
In the end you will do what you think is best?I do not know your daughter or the situation all that well, but I strongly believe now is not the time for tough love. She is almost 18. I think that there will be a very small chance she will respond to it. She hasn?t been home for 5 weeks. Being tough on her now will create a larger gap and make her reluctant to come home even if she was up happy where ever she is staying.

My advise?.a ?thinking of you card? with a gift card to a store she may like with a simple ?I miss you Love Dad? Leave it at her work tomorrow so she will receive it on Friday. Leave her alone with it for a day or two. It will force her to think and maybe talk to some friends. If she is hanging around a bad group chances are they do not have someone who loves them that much and that will be brought to her attention. What do you have to lose by trying a different approach just as a trial?

Do you think she has a drug or alcohol addiction or is she just acting out?

PS: 17, 18, 25?.you will still be part of her ?mistakes? but that is one of the joys of parenthood

 

[Munson]

tough love is the only way to go...my dad's daughter ( I refuse to refer to her as my sister anymore ) is hooked on drugs (meth) and while he puts on that he is not helping her financially, I tend to think he is because he always has because she's his favorite...he is only an enabler to her and she uses him...tough love...at least you are open to it...

m

 

[pinky]

There is a time and place for tough love?I think it is too late in her life for it to be effective and too early in the problem to go down that path....atleast not prior to trying the alternative

How is the tough love for your SISTER going? When she cleans up will it be in part due to your actions, would she call you for help with her problem when she wants to change?. I am not sure what good it is doing.





Sometimes it is harder to standby than to dismiss

 

[finemail]

I'm dealing with a 17 yr. old daughter who lost her mother about 3 yrs. ago.
She knows it all, hasn't been home for 5 weeks ( although i know where she works) she's missed 20 days in a row of school,they finally call concerned of her whereabouts!
I have made a police report. She's doing drugs, drinking, wants to be a stripper, everything a single father does not want to hear.
I've contacted help only to be put through the runaround.
My only option is to have the police meet me at her job and take her to get help.
If any of you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it. HOOKS

hey hooks,
it sounds like your daughter is in a lot of pain and is possibly trying to get your attention in doing this. she could also not know how to express how she is feeling so she is acting out as a way to deal with her emotions. i would definately get the school she is going to involved. you stated that you are getting the runaround with agencies. be aggresive and as proactive as you can. go to her school and meet with the school social worker in person ask him or her to get involved. also, is there a positive female influence that she has in her life. possibly an aunt, cousin, or family friend that could guide her into the right direction? my opinion on getting the police involved - yes absolutly especially while she is still a minor. tough love will go a long way! good luck

 

[mcgruder]

Hooks,
Hang in there for now. I'm going through the same with my daughter (19) & she had a baby at 16. Now my son (23) has her baby and he is single and stepping up to the plate. Hopefully your daughter & mine will find their way through this. I'm in the same boat and I know where you are coming from. I've been told by "many" that they will find their way. Hopefully for us, they will. Good luck to you and try to get some sleep at night.