NEED HELP !!!

[Hooks]

finemail, since her mothers since leaving her mom in 1995, i'm now with my 3rd girlfriend. The girls had an up and down relationship with the 1st 2.
I finally have met the most wonderful person that both my girls ( especially the younger one ) love.
It's great to see this finally, so YES, before my oldest left she had a totally positive role model - friend. AND we're all wanting her home NOW!!!

Thanks for your help, Hooks

 

[Hooks]

Mac., Thanks, and i'm sorry your going thru this also. If she gets pregnant, OMG! I have her on birth control. That pissed me off taking her to get it, but probably the right thing to do.

 

[mcgruder]

Hooks,
Between you and I, we have done what we could and at that age, they have to decide their future and whatever we say, it doesn't mean a thing. Just tell them you still "love them". Good Luck to you.

 

[Blazer]

Man Hooks,

I have racked my brain for something to say that would help. This is the best I've come up with...

A new Marketing campaign in Montana that is directed to keep kids off of meth is taking a different approach. They discovered thru focus groups that teens do not respond to authority figures. They respond to peers. In all of their adverts they do not have any cops,docs, or parents. They only have kids telling stories, kids who are like the kids they are trying to reach.

I think she will ignore you. She thinks you do not realize what is going on.

I think you should try to get an attractive boy to help. Have him talk to her. Maybe a friend that has experience.

According to the research done by this Montana Ad Agency the cops wont help, it has to come from a "snowbording fan" or maybe someone in the "industry" she wants to pursue.

good luck friend.












Full Story here

 

[OSUCOWBOYS]

Hooks,

I was that kid 15 years ago. I left home at 17. Quit high school the second semester of my senior year(I had a 3.5 GPA at the time). I started running with the wrong crowd, doing "hard" drugs, drinking heavily, and heading down the wrong road. I got busted by the law for possession of stolen property four days before I turned 18. I was given a choice by the D.A., go to an inpatient drug rehab for 30 days or he would charge me as an adult in the crime(s). I chose the drug rehab. I went with NO INTENTIONS of changing my life whatsoever. But, while I was there something happened.

I spent the next 30 days in group therapy and AA / NA meetings. There was a transformation in my life. I left that rehab center a different person. It took 5-6 meetings 12 Step meetings a week to keep me from "going back out" but I just gave a little effort and it worked. That was 2/21/92. I just celebrated 14 years of sobriety.

There is hope Hooks. I know it looks bad now, and it may get worse, but there is hope. Don't try to force her to do anything but go to treatment. I would make her go to treatment no matter what. She may not "get it" immediately but it will be in her head, and if somewhere down the road she wants to change she will know there are tools there to help her. AA / NA meetings really screw up future drinking and drug use.

God Bless and good luck!!

Travis

 

[Hooks]

I just want to thank each and everyone of you who have wrote to me to offer your help. I love you MJers
still waiting to hear from Vince at her work and will ask ?s to her girlfriend. Talked to the police again this morning and still there's not much they can do.They just suggest I find out where she is staying. Letting her know she is welcome home. And that she is loved.
She knows this but i'm sure she doesn't want to live with me anymore.
I just totally worry about what she's going to do with herself and her life.Her high school is going to withdraw her. Meaning she will have to go to 11th grade again! And I certainly don't want her to go back to that "new" h.s. again, nor do I want my other daughter to go there next year!

 

[mode the lode]

HAD SOME PROBLEMS WITH MY YOUNGEST GAUGHTER, TO A LESSER DEGREE, TODAY SHE IS DOING GREAT , 4 YR. DEGREE, DEANS LIST EVERY YR. AFTER HER FRESHMEN YR. GOT A GREAT JOB, MAKING GOOD $$$$$ , THEY LOVE HER AT WORK, COUNT ON HER KNOWLEDGE. LOOK UP TO HER, GETTING MARRIED THIS YR. TO SOMEONE VERY DIFF. FROM ANY WILD ONES SHE DATED WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG. HOW WOULD HAVE THUNK IT.

 

[Hooks]

Update:
Went with the kindness approach and bought her a miss you type card. Dropped it off at her work.
Brit called me soon after getting to work, thanking me and saying it brought tears to her eyes.
My girlfriend and I went to see her at work and stayed around with her for a couple hours. It felt great to hug her and see Cheryl and Brit hugging and talking.

last night around 12 midnight I got a call from LVMPD saying they picked her up and that I needed to get her. I asked them to take her for the night ,hoping that would scare her even more. Of course they couldn't, so I took my time getting there. She was in the front seat and cuffed.
So she is now back home, she stated she wasn't having such a great time living how she was living. We'll see where this goes now. Again, thannks for all your help. Hooks

 

[Blitz]

Good Luck

 

[ripken8]

good luck hooks,

wish I knew how to help. I guess always trying to be there for them and letting them know that they weren't always going to make the right choices in life, but that you'd love them either way and help them learn from their mistakes is the way I went. It makes me feel very fortunate in my life that my kids turned out the way they did. just lucky, I guess. hope everything works out...

 

[RAYMOND]

rehab & couseling is a must or nothing going to change!
now getting her there going to be hard if she does not want help!

alittle tip next time she goes on a run , go to the police station and get 302 papers, to put her away for help!

i wish you all the luck in the world

 

[Jake DeNiro]

I am sorry to hear about your loss and the troubles you are going through. My thoughts on your situation are

1) It is hard to help someone who does not want help. Even if the police take her to rehab she will not be there for long and chances of a relapse or worse are quite high. Also she will have a pretty good idea that you called the police, which will cause a further gap between the two of you
.
2) I think guilt is one of the greatest forms of motivation or force for change. Instead of yelling at her (not sure what you do). I would suggest being overly nice. Try and plan something you know she would like. At least for the first while do not directly talk about the bad things that she may be doing. Little things like a small gift with a simple card are great. It just reaffirms your love for her, which may help her to make smarter decisions in the future.

3) Girls at this age or any age for that matter do not respond well to sit down discussions or angry conversations with their fathers. She knows all of things she is doing are wrong she doesn?t need you to tell her ?go to school, don?t do drugs, make a smarter career choice?.? Talking about this with her will cause further frustration.

I am not sure if this has been any help?.but I do wish you and your daughter the best.

I totally agree with your take. I believe in tough love and have had to use it but under different situation which would have led to major problems if I hadn't. At this stage though, I think your advice in this thread and your following threads is the right way to handle it. No matter what someone is doing they have to want to stop 1st off, then accept help coming their way. :mj09:

GL

 

[Trossi3389]

Uggh !! Hope everythng works out Hooks.

 

[Hooks]

Hey Ramond, thanks bro. What do you mean by 302 papers???

And again thank you to each and everyone of you who have written back! Hooks

 

[RAYMOND]

you tell the cops she trying to kill herself , and they will get her help . they take to the hospital and they will find she need a rehab


let say taking the back door for help

 

[fatdaddycool]

Hooks,
Let me first just say that my most heartfelt sympathies go out to you and your family for the difficulties you are experiencing. That being said, I feel that I need to provide what insight I may have, having raised my 21 year old daughter without Mother.
Girls are different the boys insomuch that they react differently to situations when presented. I am sure that you still think of her as your little girl at times and am also quite certain that you are questioning where you "went wrong". I assure you this does not apply. If you are certain that she is on drugs and not just pot or beers but heavier than you must take action. I feel that this is not only your duty as a father but also your best course of action. I do not say that to be harsh but help explain the roles you may take.

A seventeen year old is a baby in the big picture of life and she is still extremely vulnerable. I would sit her down and simply tell her of your predicament in the most calm and adult manner you can. Explain to her that you are struggling with what to do, not because you want to punish her or run her life but that you love her dearly and always have and everytime she leaves or you pick her up from the police that a piece of you suffers twice as much because you don't know how to make things better for her. Tell her even though you are her father that you made mistakes too when you were young. Ask her if she is using drugs and why, what does it do for her? In other words start to estabish a relationship of trust. Reassure her that you will not stand idly by and watch her piss her life away to a life of probaton or jail. Be honest and personable and open and ask her what your solution should be. Inform her that you are willing to do whatever it takes to re-establish yourself as the father figure that she so desires and if that means rehab then so be it and then tell her you will go with her if need be. Let her know that you miss her mother also but that you cannot stand to lose her too. Tell her about the dread that is tearing you apart and the struglles you are having on your own. Confide in her, assure her that you want to take a larger role in her life if she will let you. Remember Hooks, this is the same girl that couldn't get enough of the swing at the playground or whatever when little, only now she is reaching out in the only way she knows how. I am confident you will respond the right way.

I do not intend this to be harsh or demeaning of your relationship only to give you my advice as I had to do the same some time ago. Remember she is insecure, depressed and sad and is reacting how many would considering the pressure she is under. She needs guidance, and you are just the guy to give it to her, again, try to establish the best relationship you can. Good luck

 

[bear]

Hooks,
1. Read Travis post again.............WOW!!!
2. AA (to me) is the most VALUED organization in the USA helping more people than I could ever have imagined.......
3. Have faith (literally).....pray and put this in the hands of a higher power...then continue to do your very best!
4.It takes a little time to get with the program (AA)...I have a nephew who it brought back (drugs) and he told me that initially they say just "fake it till ya make it" MILLIONS are MAKING IT!!!!!
5. I can tell that you have the Love... You may want to see a priest or minister....with your daughter if possible???
6. LOVE...Communication...and eventually a plan...for school etc.
Your daughter needs to see light....and have hope! She needs to feel the love in spite of anything that has happened........A GOOD doctor and a Good counselor are important as well.. fwiw

bear

 

[mcgruder]

Hang in there Hooks. One day at a time.

 

[Hooks]

Well, This morninig,took Britt. back to her high school and they said she's not to far gone from still being able to graduate next year. However, she will still have to go to school the rest of this year but she will not be getting any credit for the 2nd half! She said " i'm not going to listen or do anything in those classes if i'm not going to get any credit". I tok
l told her, you are going and because you need to still learn and stay in the flow. You will go to summer school and make up what you can. She will end up with a prtty tough schedule her senior year.
She is going to have to sigh in every morning and when she leaves. They are also going to have an older guy do random checking to see if she is in her classes every day.
It's 10:00 pm, she's in her room crying like a baby. I told her you tried it your way , it didn't work. Time to do it the right way and you will have a second chance later. She's crying because she has to go back to school, has no cell phone, can't party like she was , has no freedom anymore, etc. I have Cheryl in there right now talking with her. But this makes me feel like shit.
I told her this is what you brought on for ypurself. You can turn it around.
I don't have much confidence right now that this is going to work out.

 

[Hooks]

Again, thank you all for the responces, i'm going to lay down now!