Alzheimer advice needed

[buddy]

Friend of mine is in a difficult situation.

Her mom is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers and she wants to persuade mom to move in with her and hubby so they can sell the house before things become unmanageable.

Her mom is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers / at times, delusional / taking Aricept

Mom lives 60 miles from daughter.

Anyone have a similar experience? I'd imagine communication is nearly impossible as the disease progresses. Is there a way to favorably handle this given her mom's current condition?

I really don't know what kind of questions to ask because this is not my situation.

Just looking for some nugget of information that might work to her benefit.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Mickstr68]

My family is in a similar situation with 2 Grandparents (upper 80's). My grandfather is in the beginning of Alzheimer's and Grandma (who's mind is strong) runs herself ragged to keep things "normal" almost to the point that she is placing an unhealthy amount of stress on herself.

Grandpa goes in and out of memory and is very delusional at times. Other times he is sharp as a tack. Unfortunately the disease state occurs more often than the sharp times. He sometimes gets lost just walking down the stairs in the house and then cries because he doesn't recognize where he is. It's a very cruel disease. His body is extremely healthy, his mind is not.

The grandparents live 350 miles from any family members. They live in a large home on a lake where they wanted to spend their final days at. Unfortunately the disease has made that impossible.

After 1 year of dealing with too many negative life experiences to list due to the Alzheimer's, grandma was given the ultimatum, that either she move closer to family or Grandpa will have to go into a home. It was an ugly ultimatum but something that had to be done.

Thankfully grandma recognized that she couldn't take care of grandpa the way he needed to be cared for and decided to move closer to family. They will still live together (which is important to grandma) and will only live 2 miles from family that can help her daily.

The advice I can give is the instant you notice that the person cannot really care for themself like they once could, it is time to make a change for them. Many times this change is not favorable in the minds of the person with alzheimer's, or the person that has to care for them- It's hard to take care of a person who is not all mentally there anymore. That role is not for everyone.

My grandfather used to to declare that there was no way in hell he would ever leave his lake home, he loved it and wanted to live the rest of his life there. Now, he honestly doesn't know (and in my opinion doesn't care) that he won't be living there much longer.

Like I said previously, it's a cruel disease- but if you're looking for an easy or favorable way out- we haven't found any and I don't think that many people do. Any other experiences with this disease with recommendations that could help our family would be more than welcomed.

 

[SixFive]

the best thing you can do for people who have Alzheimer's and are still physically fit is to have them in a routine and keep them in a familiar setting. Although they will probably forget, familiar is better than new. Routine is very, very important. Anything out of the ordinary makes it harder on them.

I highly recommend an adult day "care" type of situation if the parent with Alzheimer's is going to live with a child. There's usually no cost or it's only minimal, and it keeps them occupied for several hours a day. A caretaker has to have breaks and respite care, or they will go crazy and get physically ill from the stress.

You also need to be in charge of their meds which are left somewhere they can't get to them.

Very tough situation, and I wish your friend the best. Have her to check into the adult day care things in your area.

 

[buddy]

Mickstr68,

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

One thing you wrote I picked up on was YOUR GRANDMA RECOGNIZED SHE COULD NO LONGER TAKE CARE of grandpa the way he needed to be cared for.

I realize your grandma is not the one afflicted, BUT I was just wondering if it makes a difference to an elderly person if the child, rather than ask the parent to move in WITH THEM, uses a reverse psychology kind of technique and can somehow make it seem that the child "wants to be with the parent" rather than the parent being made to feel they "have to be with the child".

You know, a "mom, I miss you so much and I want to be with you. Life would be so grand if I could be with you every day."

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. Who knows if words even work. I know this is a tough ordeal and I'm just typing out loud.

Thanks again.

 

[buddy]

6/5,

Thanks for the reply. I'm going to pass your reply on to her and I know she'll be grateful.

 

[buddy]

I encouraged her to contact an Alzheimer Support Group in her area. There are several. They meet at different times on different days. Kinda' like AA meetings. From what I found, they appear to have different groups for different stages of the disease.

May God abundantly bless those who have gone through this before and are now willing to help those in need.

 

[djv]

In our family it's my wife's Mom. We had no choice but to go with the nursing home. Started slow but then went faster. Caught everyone by surprise. Doc said each case different. Family must come together there is no choice really. By that I mean some in family just could not bring themselves to believe what was happening
and everyone has to be on same page to see patient gets right care. The Best Of Luck To Them.

 

[gardenweasel]

we took my mother in.....i don`t know whether it`s actually alzheimer`s or just a lesser form of dementia....

asks the date over and over...can`t keep track of meds or finances....gets very frustrated.....lots of notes on napkins....

one thing seems to actually help her alot....an inhaler called "advair diskus".....she has some emphysema and it seems that every day when she takes the advair that she straightens out quite a bit...feels much more alert and with it....

her breathing with the advair is amazingly improved, to boot...

it`s an anti-inflammatory steroid,i believe...i believe it reduces the inflammation in the lungs....

i don`t think it`s my imagination....it actually seems to make some difference.....

of course,i doubt that mom`s condition,if early alzheimer`s,has progressed as far as those mentioned in this thread....

good luck...i`ll say a prayer...

 

[Jake DeNiro]

the best thing you can do for people who have Alzheimer's and are still physically fit is to have them in a routine and keep them in a familiar setting. Although they will probably forget, familiar is better than new. Routine is very, very important. Anything out of the ordinary makes it harder on them.

SixFive....along with everything else you wrote, you're also right on with the above. I know that from a personal experience. An aquaintance of mine who had Alzheimer's and who used to be an ex-pro fighter was in an adult home for ?? I don't know if it was all Alzheimer's patients on his floor or the all the housing was just Alzheimer's. Just know that he had walked into a room that wasn't his and being confused/frustrated he hit the lady who was in her room and killed her. He was getting more agrresive as time went on. It's a real sad disease for everyone involved. My thoughts go out to those involved and their loved ones.

 

[saint]

Another thing I'm not sure was mentioned is to have them enjoy life and do things they want to do before they can't. My wife's dad has early onset alz. and he is only 55. He's now getting to the point where he will need full time care from a home, but up to this point my mother in law basically cut work down and they traveled and did everything he had wanted to before he wasn't able to comprehend things. It's a cruel disease, that's for sure.

 

[buddy]

Saint,

Given all the replies, I think the best initial advice is to contact an Alz Support Group and listen to what they have to say.

 

[Terryray]

J

8

K

3

freind of mine's mother Alzheimer'd and best thing was to break old routine and remove all familiar things and patterns! The home they moved her to recommended this.

the familiar surroundings and things (like purse, favorite chair, etc) sorta reminded her, during rare kinda lucid moments, that she's lost it and troubled her and caused stress. Move to home with nothing familiar and her concern and stress went away with new routines. She was smiling alot again.

 

[saint]

Saint,

Given all the replies, I think the best initial advice is to contact an Alz Support Group and listen to what they have to say.

Is this a dig at my reply? Did I say I had the best advice for you? You asked a question and I replied with my family's experience. We let him enjoy life to the fullest before he became incapacitated. If this wasn't what you were looking for, well, sorry for that. But you asked a question on a general forum and I shared our experiences. Not sure what rubbed you the wrong way but pull that stick out of your ass.

 

[buddy]

Sorry Saint. No dig intended. I do appreciate you taking the time to respond and I sincerely apologize if I said something that offended you. I can understand how my last reply could have been misunderstood and I'm sorry I wasn't a little more thoughtful in posting.