LMFAO!! :mj07: Those questions made me laugh hard!
Their breathing is weird when they sleep. They also whine and cry a lot in their sleep, and they jerk around and dream too.
He's liable to stand in his water dish, stand in his poop, eat his poop, etc.
The chewing, you can break. Make sure he has a puppy toy to chew on. The synthetic bones are really good because they have a taste they like, and they are nearly indestructable. Only scold him for chewing on innappropriate things when you can catch him in the act, and then, do not spank him with your hand. The best thing is to swat him easily with a rolled up newspaper while saying a stern "NO". People who swat their dogs with an open hand all the time get those dogs that cower down when you try to pet them as they see the open hand as a negative even when you're going to pet them, and you don't want that.
A couple of more things. This dog needs to know you are the master, so you need to show that to him in dog terms. Get him down on the ground, growl at him, and bite the bridge of his nose (not enough to make him cry, but hard enough to make him yip and feel it). That's what dogs do, and he'll innately understand that a whole lot better than telling him no 5,000 times a day.
Teach him one word commands. When you take him out to do his business, teach him "OUTSIDE" and say it as soon as he squats and praise him, and repeat that one word every time he goes out. In a month or so, you can take him out and say OUTSIDE, and he'll go. It's terrible to chase a puppy around forever waiting for it to crap especially when they think you are just playing. I also think it sounds silly when people are saying "pee-pee" and "poo-poo" to a dog, lol.
Other good one word commands I have used are "COME", "SIT", "SHAKE", "STAY", "NO", "GOOD", and you do a lot more advanced commands as he gets older.
Lastly, if you don't already have one, get a portable kennel for him that's big enough to accomodate him as an adult. While he's a puppy, you can leave him in his kennel for several hours, and he won't mess in it. You can get him out, carry him out to the grass, say your "OUTSIDE" word, and he'll go. You can do this until he's trained well, then he can sleep between you and the missus :142smilie A kennel is also great for puppies when you need to go somewhere so he's not running wild in your house chewing up stuff (at least until you have him trained well). He'll see this kennel as a sanctuary, and use it up through adulthood. Put some nice cedar bedding in there so it's comfortable for him. That will also help with the dog smell and keep him from shedding all over your carpet or wherever he chooses to sleep.
Have fun with your puppy, and make sure you are the master and not him.
