Whats my problem? (rant/vent)
- Thread starter tpaine07
- Start date
Update.... After no contact for her with approx 5-6 weeks now. Im talking absolutely no contact. No AIM/seeing in person/phone, ect. She decided she would send me a instant message (probably drunken) 2 nights ago. It said "I just wish you could what its like." and nothing more. This was sent at 351am. I stupidly texted her the next morning asked what that incomplete sentence was all about and got no response.
Anyways, for some reason I'm feeling somewhat shitty about this whole situation after getting that IM. I have been doing really well lately (past 2 weeks or so) after about a month of just feeling extremely depressed. I ended up losing my summer job over this situation ect because it got so bad. I was seeing a counseling/therapist which ended up helping me alot to get past this kind of stuff. I guess when it comes to losing someone I love I figure Im slightly weak in that department since my mother passed when I was 17, thats why all of this hit me so hard.
I figure the only reason why she would IM me is that her life is going down the shitter with her new POS boyfriend, or shes just trying to get some reaction of out me. Either can't be good and im going to just go back to getting past all of this.
Just figured i'd give you guys an update since so many of you chimed in with advice and such that was very helpful to me and I really appreciate that.
Anyways, for some reason I'm feeling somewhat shitty about this whole situation after getting that IM. I have been doing really well lately (past 2 weeks or so) after about a month of just feeling extremely depressed. I ended up losing my summer job over this situation ect because it got so bad. I was seeing a counseling/therapist which ended up helping me alot to get past this kind of stuff. I guess when it comes to losing someone I love I figure Im slightly weak in that department since my mother passed when I was 17, thats why all of this hit me so hard.
I figure the only reason why she would IM me is that her life is going down the shitter with her new POS boyfriend, or shes just trying to get some reaction of out me. Either can't be good and im going to just go back to getting past all of this.
Just figured i'd give you guys an update since so many of you chimed in with advice and such that was very helpful to me and I really appreciate that.
Just a minor setback. Don't worry about what she was thinking and why she messaged you. Get her off your message list ASAP so she has NO WAY of contacting you
- Apr 28, 2006
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She is likely just one of many times you will fall in love during your life. Unfortunately, there is no switch you can hit to expedite the hurt you feel. I will say that I think for most this lessens as you age. You just realize that sometimes things aren't meant to be and you move on. You still feel really crappy for a while, there's no way around it if you had true feelings for the person. My advice is to stay busy and focused on all the other areas in your life. Eventually, the hurt will dissipate and you will find someone new. I agree with others to completely cut her out of your life. The roller-coaster crap won't help your emotional state. You just have to try and be rational about it and know that you will eventually find someone else that brings as much, if not more, happiness than she did. Life is full of pain and learning coping strategies is very important, so I think it's good that you're seeing someone for it. Good luck.
Maybe you should date one of your buddies and if this doesn't work out at least you have someone to watch the ball game with. If not go read what yyz said 500 times and after you get done read it another 300 times. Your 21 and seeing a therapist? I wonder if this broad knows this? You text message her back? You are doing what girls eat up. Showing weakness. This hooch can play you anyway she wants and she knows it.
In order to have any type of good relationship, "one shouldn't be pursuing or retreating"...:nono: and "grief is the price we all pay 4 love" and if you want to feel pain make sure it's being in love, because "love hurts, love hurts"...all together now..."love hurts"
GL tpaine07
GL tpaine07
Bro:
Girls love attention... and you aren't giving her any and she knows all it takes is one text message and your back to wondering what if and why... change your number, get on with life, put 15% in your 401K and worry about you. I went through 5girls I thought I was head over hills with before I realized until you know who you are spiritually, mentally, and financially you're just spinning wheels... Go have fun with the boys and
If you really want to get her attention and are still in that "Can't live without her" stage, be indifferent... say youre busy and you'll call later... Asshole persona works best...
And don't try to give her advice about her partying, she quit listening to you when you guys broke up... like trying to give advice to your parents or an ex wife...
For what its worth...
Girls love attention... and you aren't giving her any and she knows all it takes is one text message and your back to wondering what if and why... change your number, get on with life, put 15% in your 401K and worry about you. I went through 5girls I thought I was head over hills with before I realized until you know who you are spiritually, mentally, and financially you're just spinning wheels... Go have fun with the boys and
If you really want to get her attention and are still in that "Can't live without her" stage, be indifferent... say youre busy and you'll call later... Asshole persona works best...
And don't try to give her advice about her partying, she quit listening to you when you guys broke up... like trying to give advice to your parents or an ex wife...
For what its worth...
I'll admit sending her a text asking what the deal is with her stupid ass instant message was a bad call. However, before this I cut cold turkey speaking with her... I didnt try to talk to her anymore or give her any advice... she turned into trash somehow and chose some huge tool over me. Several mutual friends even confronted me about how much of a toolbox her new bf is, but I already knew that.
As for keeping busy and focusing on stuff thats important, I started really getting into training for hockey with my buddy and we've been doing that 4-5 days a week. Also spending time with my buddies who I somewhat neglected at times when were dating is something i've done a ton this summer.
I didn't want to talk to her because of what she did to me, and I figured since she had a new bf she wouldn't bother to talk to me, that went well for about 5 weeks til the other day. Im goijng to continue what I was doing before I got this stupid message that didnt even make sense and just work hard at hockey and hanging out with my friends.
As for seeing a therapist goes, it isn't just for this situation, I basically got extremely depressed after I went away to school to play hockey and injury prevented me from doing so and then when I would try to get back i'd just reinjure myself and my self confidence was pretty low without being able to play the game that I loved. Combing that with getting shit on by someone I had loved for 2 years and the passing of my mom a few years ago, I figured that it would be best to go see someone and develop some coping skills some of you guys were talking about.
As for keeping busy and focusing on stuff thats important, I started really getting into training for hockey with my buddy and we've been doing that 4-5 days a week. Also spending time with my buddies who I somewhat neglected at times when were dating is something i've done a ton this summer.
I didn't want to talk to her because of what she did to me, and I figured since she had a new bf she wouldn't bother to talk to me, that went well for about 5 weeks til the other day. Im goijng to continue what I was doing before I got this stupid message that didnt even make sense and just work hard at hockey and hanging out with my friends.
As for seeing a therapist goes, it isn't just for this situation, I basically got extremely depressed after I went away to school to play hockey and injury prevented me from doing so and then when I would try to get back i'd just reinjure myself and my self confidence was pretty low without being able to play the game that I loved. Combing that with getting shit on by someone I had loved for 2 years and the passing of my mom a few years ago, I figured that it would be best to go see someone and develop some coping skills some of you guys were talking about.
Listen to Kelly, she speaks from the heart and from
the opposite perspective. :SIB
Okay bro i will give you a pass for the therapist since an injury was involved. Nothing will drive you more nuts then trying to get back on your feet and an injury keeps reappearing as well as the passing of your mom(sorry to hear that). Look you are on the right track by ignoring her and i guarantee if the two of you ever get back you are gonna find out that you don't like her as much. It just happens that way. Just try to ignore her. Its hard we all have been there and the day she comes back see how you feel then. TP i know what you are going thru and its the most sickening feeling in the word but you'll make it. We all do. Except those nut cases that can't handle it and start shooting up the situation. Time my brother heals all wounds.
Somehow I missed this back when it started but it looks like you've been getting some good advice and have been working at resolving your feelings. It's okay to let yourself get sad over the loss of a relationship. It's a form of grieving and will put you through a roller coaster of emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually you will gain acceptance. As many have said, it takes time, and you will probably go back and forth between the stages before you reach full acceptance, but trust us, it will come.
Seeking the help of a therapist when you felt overwhelmed by the emotions was an insightful decision. I'm sure your therapist will help you find your own answers to your original question.
Breakups can be real bitches and so can young women. It's a power trip knowing that you can manipulate someone else's emotions and until she grows up a bit, she'll likely pop in and out of your life trying to take advantage of your feelings for her. Keep up the positive activities and don't beat yourself up for slipping occasionally. It's normal and natural to want things to be as they were when things were good but, it seems, you're recognizing that that chapter of your life is over. Good luck with moving on!
Accept a "virtual hug" from this old gal who's been in your shoes and hates to see anyone else suffer it. From the things you've shared, I'm sure your Mom would be giving you lots of real ones to help you get through. Who knows.... maybe she's divining her emotions through our posts and giving us guidance in helping advise you! (At least most of us, anyway.... somehow I doubt she's channeling Agent's suggestions!)
Seeking the help of a therapist when you felt overwhelmed by the emotions was an insightful decision. I'm sure your therapist will help you find your own answers to your original question.
Breakups can be real bitches and so can young women. It's a power trip knowing that you can manipulate someone else's emotions and until she grows up a bit, she'll likely pop in and out of your life trying to take advantage of your feelings for her. Keep up the positive activities and don't beat yourself up for slipping occasionally. It's normal and natural to want things to be as they were when things were good but, it seems, you're recognizing that that chapter of your life is over. Good luck with moving on!
Accept a "virtual hug" from this old gal who's been in your shoes and hates to see anyone else suffer it. From the things you've shared, I'm sure your Mom would be giving you lots of real ones to help you get through. Who knows.... maybe she's divining her emotions through our posts and giving us guidance in helping advise you! (At least most of us, anyway.... somehow I doubt she's channeling Agent's suggestions!)
sounds like she`s a very attractive young lady...congrats.......that`s the main thing......if she is,i say get a little while she`s still do-able.... not everybody has a great looking woman,my young friend.......
for instance,i recall smurph telling me about the time his girlfriend was nude sunbathing ......and a group of hell`s angels came along and viciously "gang-dressed" her.....
that`s not good...so go for the gusto...you only live once....
for instance,i recall smurph telling me about the time his girlfriend was nude sunbathing ......and a group of hell`s angels came along and viciously "gang-dressed" her.....
that`s not good...so go for the gusto...you only live once....
TPaine,
Ok, first of all you have absolutely NO IDEA how hard this is not to ruin whatever shred of self confidence you have left but alas I am too nice of a person and am going to help you.
First, realize one thing about relationships and this is true for all of them. They all hurt. NO MATTER WHAT, they all hurt at some point. When ended they have a tendency to hurt more. The issue at hand is how to cope with it. Understand one thing, there can be no feeling of love lost without the euphoria of love once realized. In other words as bad as you feel today is equally as good as you felt at some point in the relationship. The lows are directly proportional to the highs, so enjoy it. Learn from it, let it hurt, its supposed to. Know that at one point as low as you feel you had an equally good high point. That is the good that you take out of all of this. Not how much you love her now, because it's over, you can't anymore she won't let you. Don't harp on all the good times and how hot she was because you can't, its over now. Don't worry about who she is with because you can't, it's over now. Don't make any attempt to block the mental anguish that you suffer with thoughts of her or hold on to some shred of hope that she still loves you because, you can't, it's over now. Here is what you can do.............
Look up and say thank you God or Yahweh, or John Travolta or whoever for giving me the capacity to love so hard, I was good at it. Thank you for letting me be healthy enough to know the range of my emotions, and most of all thank you for letting me out of a relationship that was doomed from the start with my health and sanity. I learned many things about relationships and will parlay all that knowledge into my next one, which most likely will end miserably for one of us also, but at least you know a little bit more what you want. She isn't going to come back to you and just give you her heart again, she cannot, because if she does and you accept it, she will walk all over you for the rest of your life. I guarantee even she knows that. Stay away from drugs and alcohol and let that shit dig deep, let it hurt, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it, it will only help you to feel better faster and become a better man out of it. More relationships are on the horizon for you and you WILL meet another woman that you will potentially love, will you be ready for it when it happens? Or will you still be sniveling over love lost that can't be regained? I am sorry for your loss may that relationship rest in peace, but my God dude look around you for a minute........is the sun out? Is there a dollar in your pocket? Life is good chief.........life is damn good.
Ok, first of all you have absolutely NO IDEA how hard this is not to ruin whatever shred of self confidence you have left but alas I am too nice of a person and am going to help you.
First, realize one thing about relationships and this is true for all of them. They all hurt. NO MATTER WHAT, they all hurt at some point. When ended they have a tendency to hurt more. The issue at hand is how to cope with it. Understand one thing, there can be no feeling of love lost without the euphoria of love once realized. In other words as bad as you feel today is equally as good as you felt at some point in the relationship. The lows are directly proportional to the highs, so enjoy it. Learn from it, let it hurt, its supposed to. Know that at one point as low as you feel you had an equally good high point. That is the good that you take out of all of this. Not how much you love her now, because it's over, you can't anymore she won't let you. Don't harp on all the good times and how hot she was because you can't, its over now. Don't worry about who she is with because you can't, it's over now. Don't make any attempt to block the mental anguish that you suffer with thoughts of her or hold on to some shred of hope that she still loves you because, you can't, it's over now. Here is what you can do.............
Look up and say thank you God or Yahweh, or John Travolta or whoever for giving me the capacity to love so hard, I was good at it. Thank you for letting me be healthy enough to know the range of my emotions, and most of all thank you for letting me out of a relationship that was doomed from the start with my health and sanity. I learned many things about relationships and will parlay all that knowledge into my next one, which most likely will end miserably for one of us also, but at least you know a little bit more what you want. She isn't going to come back to you and just give you her heart again, she cannot, because if she does and you accept it, she will walk all over you for the rest of your life. I guarantee even she knows that. Stay away from drugs and alcohol and let that shit dig deep, let it hurt, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it, it will only help you to feel better faster and become a better man out of it. More relationships are on the horizon for you and you WILL meet another woman that you will potentially love, will you be ready for it when it happens? Or will you still be sniveling over love lost that can't be regained? I am sorry for your loss may that relationship rest in peace, but my God dude look around you for a minute........is the sun out? Is there a dollar in your pocket? Life is good chief.........life is damn good.
OK that was the good post. I couldn't let it go without one little
Buck up Nancy my God so someone else is all up in her guts so the fuhk what...............haven't you pulled those panties down before.........and now you're sniveling like a little wimp and she is pulling your panties down!!! My God man, get a rope with some big knots in it a Fillipino whore and find a stabbin cabin somewhere and give her a good rogering. If not go gay..............do something manly your nuts are ready to go on strike for chrissakes. Damn kids, my girl left me whaaaaaa, of course she left you........there is more than one penis in the neighborhood, all women are on a penis taste test program until they are at least 29 and even then they get a sampler in the mail every once in a while so quit you sniveling and go cull the herd.
Phew, that feels better............... I almost started crying watching Sportscenter a minute ago after that first post Sheesh.
Buck up Nancy my God so someone else is all up in her guts so the fuhk what...............haven't you pulled those panties down before.........and now you're sniveling like a little wimp and she is pulling your panties down!!! My God man, get a rope with some big knots in it a Fillipino whore and find a stabbin cabin somewhere and give her a good rogering. If not go gay..............do something manly your nuts are ready to go on strike for chrissakes. Damn kids, my girl left me whaaaaaa, of course she left you........there is more than one penis in the neighborhood, all women are on a penis taste test program until they are at least 29 and even then they get a sampler in the mail every once in a while so quit you sniveling and go cull the herd.
Phew, that feels better............... I almost started crying watching Sportscenter a minute ago after that first post Sheesh.
FDC, I teared up a bit during that first, amazing post. Who knew you were the dear abby type? Man, that was some good advice!
As for the 2nd post.............:mj07:
Good stuff!
As for the 2nd post.............:mj07:
Good stuff!
