Week 1 predictions
Perhaps you?ve heard: it?s the first week of college football. And that means you can finally start spending that morsel of your bankroll you?ve been clinging to since the end of basketball season.
Or, perhaps for those who?ve been unaffected by the new economy, it means it?s time to put a big number back in that cavernous account of yours and attack another season with blissful, misguided hope.
Normally I would be just like you. I would be hyperventilating over the first week of collegiate action. But this is no normal year.
Lately I am seeing some seriously disconcerting stuff that is making me question things. Foofy stuff. The kind of stuff that is making me think this isn?t your grandfather?s college football anymore.
Just this week, for example, Rich Rodriguez broke down crying ? crying! ? at the Big Ten coaches press conference all because a few sloth players accused him of working them too hard.
The only one of the accusers who is still playing who would identify himself was Toney Clemons, a receiver who transferred to Colorado. Yeah, that Colorado. The official party program of the West that has seen more rape allegations over the past 10 years than it has Big 12 North titles.
C?mon Rich, you don?t cry. You lash out.
Mike Gundy style. Gary Hawkins style. Go find your women?s basketball coach, Kevin Borseth, somewhere on campus and get a lesson from him on how to throw a tantrum if you have to.
Anything but cry. Keep that stuff in the powder room.
But that?s not all. No ladies, there?s more.
If you go to The Oregonian?s website, you can play a little game of dress up dolls with the Ducks? uniforms. You simply click the arrows to pick the colors and design of each part of the uniform and find out what goes best with Jeremiah Masoli?s eyes.
Did you know there are over 160 possible combinations? How special!
It gets worse.
Apparently the University of Central Florida is changing their tailgating policy this year to ban the consumption of alcohol on campus prior to 8 a.m. on game day when games are played after 6 p.m. When games are held before 6 p.m., you can?t start boozing on campus before noon.
Needless to say, the fans are outraged. Many are threatening to cancel their season tickets and pull their donations. There is even a Facebook group which has grown to about 1000 members.
Like these folks, I have never heard such lightweight nonsense in my life. More importantly, home-field advantage just lost about two points for UCF in the eyes of oddsmakers.
But perhaps the biggest hike-up-your-skirt issue of all comes from the slate of games itself this week. Out of 78 games, 37 of them are Division 1-A teams against D 1-AA teams. (I refuse to get into this FBS stuff.)
That means we won?t be able to bet on about half of this week?s action ? or watch it for that matter because I saw enough road kill on the side of the highway this summer to last me until Christmas.
And don?t even get me started about this pregame handshake deal that?s going to take place between opposing teams this weekend. I?ll throw up all over my keyboard if I get into that.
But I digress. We are degenerates and college football is our game. So without further delay, let?s move on to the picks and hope this season develops a little more testosterone once we get a few hits under our belts.
In case you?re new to Four-play, you can catch me every week throughout the season. If recent years are any indication, it?s pretty much a guarantee I?ll fall somewhere around .500 so don?t plan the early retirement just yet.
Oregon vs. Boise State (-3.5, 63.5)
So we know the Ducks are going to be pretty this year with yet another new uniform thrown into the mix. But I also happen to think they?re going to be pretty good.
I also have to give them a little respect for a schedule that is so tough, I would actually forgive coach Chip Kelly if he sobbed uncontrollably at his press conference this week.
It all begins for Oregon on the Blue Turf in Boise and Oregon is Duckin? pissed coming into this one. Besides losing a heartbreaker in Eugene to the Broncs last year, players felt the game was full of cheap shots.
And I?m not talking about the kind you get at the campus pub.
Pick: Oregon +3.5
Virginia Tech vs. Alabama (-6.5, 38)
It?s always fun when a fishing trip becomes the biggest story of the biggest game of the first Saturday of the season, isn?t it?
Looks like the NCAA didn?t catch anything, so to speak, so Bama?s top two offensive threats - Julio Jones and Mark Ingram - will play for the Tide. If you need further reasons to take Bama, check out this great blog by Josh Nagel.
Pick: Bama
Colorado State vs. Colorado (-10.5, 54)
Have you heard Coach Hawkins? team motto for this season?
?Ten wins. No excuses.?
Colorado athletic director Mike Bohn is working on a motto of his own. It goes a little something like this: ?Hey Gary. You?re fired.?
Pick: Colorado State +10.5
Miami vs. Florida State (-5.5, 48)
Let?s just go ahead and stretch this column out until Monday, shall we? Call me a man-whore for page views if you must.
There are a bunch of reasons I like Miami here but let?s go with this one: the Noles haven?t decided on a starting place kicker yet. There?s a little phrase that begins with ?wide? and ends in ?right? that has to make FSU fans just a little nervous about that.
Pick: Miami +5.5
Perhaps you?ve heard: it?s the first week of college football. And that means you can finally start spending that morsel of your bankroll you?ve been clinging to since the end of basketball season.
Or, perhaps for those who?ve been unaffected by the new economy, it means it?s time to put a big number back in that cavernous account of yours and attack another season with blissful, misguided hope.
Normally I would be just like you. I would be hyperventilating over the first week of collegiate action. But this is no normal year.
Lately I am seeing some seriously disconcerting stuff that is making me question things. Foofy stuff. The kind of stuff that is making me think this isn?t your grandfather?s college football anymore.
Just this week, for example, Rich Rodriguez broke down crying ? crying! ? at the Big Ten coaches press conference all because a few sloth players accused him of working them too hard.
The only one of the accusers who is still playing who would identify himself was Toney Clemons, a receiver who transferred to Colorado. Yeah, that Colorado. The official party program of the West that has seen more rape allegations over the past 10 years than it has Big 12 North titles.
C?mon Rich, you don?t cry. You lash out.
Mike Gundy style. Gary Hawkins style. Go find your women?s basketball coach, Kevin Borseth, somewhere on campus and get a lesson from him on how to throw a tantrum if you have to.
Anything but cry. Keep that stuff in the powder room.
But that?s not all. No ladies, there?s more.
If you go to The Oregonian?s website, you can play a little game of dress up dolls with the Ducks? uniforms. You simply click the arrows to pick the colors and design of each part of the uniform and find out what goes best with Jeremiah Masoli?s eyes.
Did you know there are over 160 possible combinations? How special!
It gets worse.
Apparently the University of Central Florida is changing their tailgating policy this year to ban the consumption of alcohol on campus prior to 8 a.m. on game day when games are played after 6 p.m. When games are held before 6 p.m., you can?t start boozing on campus before noon.
Needless to say, the fans are outraged. Many are threatening to cancel their season tickets and pull their donations. There is even a Facebook group which has grown to about 1000 members.
Like these folks, I have never heard such lightweight nonsense in my life. More importantly, home-field advantage just lost about two points for UCF in the eyes of oddsmakers.
But perhaps the biggest hike-up-your-skirt issue of all comes from the slate of games itself this week. Out of 78 games, 37 of them are Division 1-A teams against D 1-AA teams. (I refuse to get into this FBS stuff.)
That means we won?t be able to bet on about half of this week?s action ? or watch it for that matter because I saw enough road kill on the side of the highway this summer to last me until Christmas.
And don?t even get me started about this pregame handshake deal that?s going to take place between opposing teams this weekend. I?ll throw up all over my keyboard if I get into that.
But I digress. We are degenerates and college football is our game. So without further delay, let?s move on to the picks and hope this season develops a little more testosterone once we get a few hits under our belts.
In case you?re new to Four-play, you can catch me every week throughout the season. If recent years are any indication, it?s pretty much a guarantee I?ll fall somewhere around .500 so don?t plan the early retirement just yet.
Oregon vs. Boise State (-3.5, 63.5)
So we know the Ducks are going to be pretty this year with yet another new uniform thrown into the mix. But I also happen to think they?re going to be pretty good.
I also have to give them a little respect for a schedule that is so tough, I would actually forgive coach Chip Kelly if he sobbed uncontrollably at his press conference this week.
It all begins for Oregon on the Blue Turf in Boise and Oregon is Duckin? pissed coming into this one. Besides losing a heartbreaker in Eugene to the Broncs last year, players felt the game was full of cheap shots.
And I?m not talking about the kind you get at the campus pub.
Pick: Oregon +3.5
Virginia Tech vs. Alabama (-6.5, 38)
It?s always fun when a fishing trip becomes the biggest story of the biggest game of the first Saturday of the season, isn?t it?
Looks like the NCAA didn?t catch anything, so to speak, so Bama?s top two offensive threats - Julio Jones and Mark Ingram - will play for the Tide. If you need further reasons to take Bama, check out this great blog by Josh Nagel.
Pick: Bama
Colorado State vs. Colorado (-10.5, 54)
Have you heard Coach Hawkins? team motto for this season?
?Ten wins. No excuses.?
Colorado athletic director Mike Bohn is working on a motto of his own. It goes a little something like this: ?Hey Gary. You?re fired.?
Pick: Colorado State +10.5
Miami vs. Florida State (-5.5, 48)
Let?s just go ahead and stretch this column out until Monday, shall we? Call me a man-whore for page views if you must.
There are a bunch of reasons I like Miami here but let?s go with this one: the Noles haven?t decided on a starting place kicker yet. There?s a little phrase that begins with ?wide? and ends in ?right? that has to make FSU fans just a little nervous about that.
Pick: Miami +5.5
