Conservative vs Liberal:

[RAYMOND]

Truth is usually the basis of the best humor!

Conservative vs Liberal:

If a conservative doesn?t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn?t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don?t like be taken off the air.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn?t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion
silenced. (Unless it?s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it,
or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

 

[Skulnik]

Thanks Ray, Liberals EXPOSED.

:toast:

 

[hedgehog]

THANKS Ray, you always speak the truth

 

[Trampled Underfoot]

The three stooges together at last. I only have one question. Who is the pivot man?

 

[RAYMOND]

The three stooges together at last. I only have one question. Who is the pivot man?

:lol2

 

[Eddie Haskell]

I always said I was a conservative Raymond as i would take "your" state conservative position in most of the replies above (except of course for the slip and fall one). Most liberals and/or progressives I know don't take the black and white positions you postulate above. Instead they think it through.

I think you and your cohorts represent the extreme right fringe and not the true conservative position. It is unfortunate for the republican party that the extreme right fringe aka nut cases like Hannity, Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Palin have taken over the leadership of your party. Unfortunate, for everyone, that is, other than the democrats who are assured of another majority in the next election.

Keep it up. I have no problem keeping a centrist majority in Congress.

Eddie

 

[Trench]

Raymond is a conservative.

This morning Raymond was awoken by his alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

Raymond then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility.

After that, Raymond turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

Raymond watched this while eating his breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, Raymond got into his National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

On the way out the door, Raymond deposited any mail he had to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill him because of the USDA, Raymond drove his NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to his house which has not burned down in his absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal?s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

And then Raymond logged on to the internet ? which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration ? and posted on Madjack's about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can?t do anything right.

 

[THE KOD]

President Barack Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize
By MATT MOORE

The Associated Press

OSLO ? President Barack Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," the Norwegian Nobel Committee said, citing his outreach to the Muslim world and attempts to curb nuclear proliferation.

Enlarge photo Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, left, shakes hands with Zimbabwe's Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai, before a meeting at the Moncloa palace in Madrid Thursday, Oct. 8, 2009. (AP Photo/Arturo Rodriguez)

Enlarge photo File - Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., speaks during a rally in this Feb. 16, 2008 file photo taken at Northcentral Technical College, in Wausau, Wis. President Barack Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. (AP Photo/Rick Bowmer, File)

Enlarge photo File - U.S. President Barack Obama addresses the 64th session of the United Nations General Assembly, in this Sept. 23, 2009 file photo. President Obama on Friday Oct. 9, 2009 won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," the Norwegian Nobel Committee said. (AP Photo/Richard Drew, File)

Enlarge photo File - President Barack Obama speaks in the East Room of the White House in Washington, in this Oct. 7, 2009 file photo before presenting 2008 medals of Science and medals of Technology. The Norwegian Nobel Committee says U.S. President Barack Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." (AP Photo/Alex Brandon, File)

The stunning choice made Obama the third sitting U.S. president to win the Nobel Peace Prize and shockedNobel observers because Obama took office less than two weeks before the Feb. 1 nomination deadline. Obama's name had been mentioned in speculation before the award but many Nobel watchers believed it was too early to award the president.

Speculation had focused on Zimbabwe's Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai, a Colombian senator and a Chinese dissident, along with an Afghan woman's rights activist.

The Nobel committee praised Obama's creation of "a new climate in international politics" and said he had returned multilateral diplomacy and institutions like the U.N. to the center of the world stage. The plaudit appeared to be a slap at President George W. Bush from a committee that harshly criticized Obama's predecessor for resorting to largely unilateral military action in the wake of the Sept. 11 terror attacks.

Rather than recognizing concrete achievement, the 2009 prize appeared intended to support initiatives that have yet to bear fruit: reducing the world stock of nuclear arms, easing American conflicts with Muslim nations and strengthening the U.S. role in combating climate change.

"Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future," Thorbjoern Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Committee said. "In the past year Obama has been a key person for important initiatives in the U.N. for nuclear disarmament and to set a completely new agenda for the Muslim world and East-West relations."

He added that the committee endorsed "Obama's appeal that 'Now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges.'"

President Theodore Roosevelt won the award in 1906 and President Woodrow Wilson won in 1919.

The committee chairman said after awarding the 2002 prize to former Democratic President Jimmy Carter, for his mediation in international conflicts, that it should be seen as a "kick in the leg" to the Bush administration's hard line in the buildup to the Iraq war.

Five years later, the committee honored Bush's adversary in the 2000 presidential election, Al Gore, for his campaign to raise awareness about global warming.

The Nobel committee received a record 205 nominations for this year's prize though it was not immediately apparent who nominated Obama.

"The exciting and important thing about this prize is that it's given too someone ... who has the power to contribute to peace," Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg said.

Nominators include former laureates; current and former members of the committee and their staff; members of national governments and legislatures; university professors of law, theology, social sciences, history and philosophy; leaders of peace research and foreign affairs institutes; and members of international courts of law.

The Nelson Mandela Foundation welcomed the award on behalf of its founder Nelson Mandela, who shared the 1993 Peace Prize with then-South African President F.W. DeKlerk for their efforts at ending years of apartheid and laying the groundwork for a democratic country.

"We trust that this award will strengthen his commitment, as the leader of the most powerful nation in the world, to continue promoting peace and the eradication of poverty," the foundation said.

In his 1895 will, Alfred Nobel stipulated that the peace prize should go "to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations and the abolition or reduction of standing armies and the formation and spreading of peace congresses."

Unlike the other Nobel Prizes, which are awarded by Swedish institutions, he said the peace prize should be given out by a five-member committee elected by the Norwegian Parliament. Sweden and Norway were united under the same crown at the time of Nobel's death.

The committee has taken a wide interpretation of Nobel's guidelines, expanding the prize beyond peace mediation to include efforts to combat poverty, disease and climate change.
................................................................

Change we can believe in !

 

[RAYMOND]

President Barack Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize
By MATT MOORE

The Associated Press

OSLO ? President Barack Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," the Norwegian Nobel Committee said, citing his outreach to the Muslim world and attempts to curb nuclear proliferation.

Enlarge photo Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, left, shakes hands with Zimbabwe's Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai, before a meeting at the Moncloa palace in Madrid Thursday, Oct. 8, 2009. (AP Photo/Arturo Rodriguez)

Enlarge photo File - Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., speaks during a rally in this Feb. 16, 2008 file photo taken at Northcentral Technical College, in Wausau, Wis. President Barack Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. (AP Photo/Rick Bowmer, File)

Enlarge photo File - U.S. President Barack Obama addresses the 64th session of the United Nations General Assembly, in this Sept. 23, 2009 file photo. President Obama on Friday Oct. 9, 2009 won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," the Norwegian Nobel Committee said. (AP Photo/Richard Drew, File)

Enlarge photo File - President Barack Obama speaks in the East Room of the White House in Washington, in this Oct. 7, 2009 file photo before presenting 2008 medals of Science and medals of Technology. The Norwegian Nobel Committee says U.S. President Barack Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." (AP Photo/Alex Brandon, File)

The stunning choice made Obama the third sitting U.S. president to win the Nobel Peace Prize and shockedNobel observers because Obama took office less than two weeks before the Feb. 1 nomination deadline. Obama's name had been mentioned in speculation before the award but many Nobel watchers believed it was too early to award the president.

Speculation had focused on Zimbabwe's Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai, a Colombian senator and a Chinese dissident, along with an Afghan woman's rights activist.

The Nobel committee praised Obama's creation of "a new climate in international politics" and said he had returned multilateral diplomacy and institutions like the U.N. to the center of the world stage. The plaudit appeared to be a slap at President George W. Bush from a committee that harshly criticized Obama's predecessor for resorting to largely unilateral military action in the wake of the Sept. 11 terror attacks.

Rather than recognizing concrete achievement, the 2009 prize appeared intended to support initiatives that have yet to bear fruit: reducing the world stock of nuclear arms, easing American conflicts with Muslim nations and strengthening the U.S. role in combating climate change.

"Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future," Thorbjoern Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Committee said. "In the past year Obama has been a key person for important initiatives in the U.N. for nuclear disarmament and to set a completely new agenda for the Muslim world and East-West relations."

He added that the committee endorsed "Obama's appeal that 'Now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges.'"

President Theodore Roosevelt won the award in 1906 and President Woodrow Wilson won in 1919.

The committee chairman said after awarding the 2002 prize to former Democratic President Jimmy Carter, for his mediation in international conflicts, that it should be seen as a "kick in the leg" to the Bush administration's hard line in the buildup to the Iraq war.

Five years later, the committee honored Bush's adversary in the 2000 presidential election, Al Gore, for his campaign to raise awareness about global warming.

The Nobel committee received a record 205 nominations for this year's prize though it was not immediately apparent who nominated Obama.

"The exciting and important thing about this prize is that it's given too someone ... who has the power to contribute to peace," Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg said.

Nominators include former laureates; current and former members of the committee and their staff; members of national governments and legislatures; university professors of law, theology, social sciences, history and philosophy; leaders of peace research and foreign affairs institutes; and members of international courts of law.

The Nelson Mandela Foundation welcomed the award on behalf of its founder Nelson Mandela, who shared the 1993 Peace Prize with then-South African President F.W. DeKlerk for their efforts at ending years of apartheid and laying the groundwork for a democratic country.

"We trust that this award will strengthen his commitment, as the leader of the most powerful nation in the world, to continue promoting peace and the eradication of poverty," the foundation said.

In his 1895 will, Alfred Nobel stipulated that the peace prize should go "to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations and the abolition or reduction of standing armies and the formation and spreading of peace congresses."

Unlike the other Nobel Prizes, which are awarded by Swedish institutions, he said the peace prize should be given out by a five-member committee elected by the Norwegian Parliament. Sweden and Norway were united under the same crown at the time of Nobel's death.

The committee has taken a wide interpretation of Nobel's guidelines, expanding the prize beyond peace mediation to include efforts to combat poverty, disease and climate change.
................................................................

Change we can believe in !

:violin: :moon: :thefinger

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Gotta love the French, Norwegians, and the Atlantonians. Like their baseball team, the Philadelphians are goin down.

Eddie

 

[RAYMOND]

Gotta love the French, Norwegians, and the Atlantonians. Like their baseball team, the Philadelphians are goin down.

Eddie

agree with you, the phillies are goiong down!
and the yankees are going to win:00hour


RAYMOND DOES NOT LIKE THE PHILLIES TEAMS:142smilie I REALLY DO NOT

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Despite our political differences, I love you Raymond.

Eddie

 

[RAYMOND]

I LIKE YOU TOO EDDIE, JUST WANT THE BEST FOR OUR COUNTRY PLAIN AND SIMPLE:00hour

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Me too Raymond. I think we may define what's best for our country a little differently and how to get there but I'm sure peace, health, acceptance, prosperity, freedom and liberty are common values we both will agree on.

Eddie

 

[RAYMOND]

Me too Raymond. I think we may define what's best for our country a little differently and how to get there but I'm sure peace, health, acceptance, prosperity, freedom and liberty are common values we both will agree on.

Eddie

YES SIR INDEED

MAY GOD BLESS YOU