Come on in, Mr. President, the water?s fine
Howie Carr By Howie Carr
Sunday, August 22, 2010 - Updated 2 days ago
+ Recent Articles
Boston Herald Columnist
Dear Barack:
Welcome to Massachusetts, or as you call it, Massa-TU-setts. Many of us think it?s one of the most beautiful of our 50 states - excuse me, 57 states.
First things first, Mr. President. Vacations are a time for family, and yours includes Auntie Zeituni. Do you know how neglected she feels up there in Southie in that sweltering Section 8 apartment?
She says, when the phone don?t ring, I know it?s Barry.
Here?s a suggestion: Call Sen. Kerry. You may have heard - his second wife?s first husband?s trust fund just bought the senator a new boat. Liveshot could sail The Botched Joke to Boston, pick up Auntie Zeituni at the Dorchester Yacht Club and bring her back to the islands. Maybe he and Mama T would even invite you over to Nantucket for dinner. From Brant Point, he could point out to you where Deval?s wind turbines will be going up to destroy the view.
For the sake of maintaining good will with the natives, Mr. President, I?d try to minimize the number of visits to the villages. Despite what your parrots on CNBC keep saying, the economy sucks, even in Beautiful People-land, and the local merchants don?t need those hourlong shutdowns of their assorted main drags here at the end of the tourist season.
Do you remember the old Randy Newman song, ?Mr. President (Have Pity on the Working Man)?? The lyrics start: ?We?ve taken all you?ve given/But it?s gettin? hard to make a livin?/Mr. President,have pity on the working man.?
You?d never know it from watching MSNBC, but this song really resonates right now: ?I know it may sound funny/But people ever?where are running out of money.?
As a woman from Vineyard Haven named Lee asked me Friday, ?Why, why, why, why does he have to come here??
Of course, her husband?s a livery driver and he was a half-hour late getting to his first call of the day. Not good for tips, but then, you should pay people like Lee no mind. Probably just another bitter clinger. Anyway, the SEIU and La Raza still think you?re aces. Remember, there?s no election so big that ACORN can?t steal it.
Too bad you didn?t get here last weekend. You could have enjoyed our very special election-year weekend sales-tax holiday. As it is, we still didn?t cut the tax on your favorite consumer product, Marlboro Lights.
There?s a lot more to see on Martha?s Vineyard than the usual tourist traps. Think Chappaquiddick. I shouldn?t have to explain its historical significance, even to someone like yourself, who thinks they speak ?Austrian? in Austria.
You know, even your network sycophants have grown tired of your overuse of the analogy about how the Republicans drove the economy into a ditch. Maybe, but now you?re in the driver?s seat and you?re taking it over a cliff. So when you get to Chappaquiddick, check out the rebuilt dike bridge. It?ll remind you that worse things can happen to a ?67 Oldsmobile Delmont than plunging into a ditch.
Swimming may be a problem this week. Tisbury Great Pond apparently looks a lot like your economy - contaminated with large amounts of excrement and other smelly floating things.
Yeah, you and the family may not have much of a vacation this year. And if you decide to leave early - well, none of us would think of trying to stop you. Except maybe Deval - he?s got a pal of his he wants to introduce you to. See, Deval owes this guy big-time. His name?s Tim Cahill, and he?ll be looking for work in January.
Howie Carr By Howie Carr
Sunday, August 22, 2010 - Updated 2 days ago
+ Recent Articles
Boston Herald Columnist
Dear Barack:
Welcome to Massachusetts, or as you call it, Massa-TU-setts. Many of us think it?s one of the most beautiful of our 50 states - excuse me, 57 states.
First things first, Mr. President. Vacations are a time for family, and yours includes Auntie Zeituni. Do you know how neglected she feels up there in Southie in that sweltering Section 8 apartment?
She says, when the phone don?t ring, I know it?s Barry.
Here?s a suggestion: Call Sen. Kerry. You may have heard - his second wife?s first husband?s trust fund just bought the senator a new boat. Liveshot could sail The Botched Joke to Boston, pick up Auntie Zeituni at the Dorchester Yacht Club and bring her back to the islands. Maybe he and Mama T would even invite you over to Nantucket for dinner. From Brant Point, he could point out to you where Deval?s wind turbines will be going up to destroy the view.
For the sake of maintaining good will with the natives, Mr. President, I?d try to minimize the number of visits to the villages. Despite what your parrots on CNBC keep saying, the economy sucks, even in Beautiful People-land, and the local merchants don?t need those hourlong shutdowns of their assorted main drags here at the end of the tourist season.
Do you remember the old Randy Newman song, ?Mr. President (Have Pity on the Working Man)?? The lyrics start: ?We?ve taken all you?ve given/But it?s gettin? hard to make a livin?/Mr. President,have pity on the working man.?
You?d never know it from watching MSNBC, but this song really resonates right now: ?I know it may sound funny/But people ever?where are running out of money.?
As a woman from Vineyard Haven named Lee asked me Friday, ?Why, why, why, why does he have to come here??
Of course, her husband?s a livery driver and he was a half-hour late getting to his first call of the day. Not good for tips, but then, you should pay people like Lee no mind. Probably just another bitter clinger. Anyway, the SEIU and La Raza still think you?re aces. Remember, there?s no election so big that ACORN can?t steal it.
Too bad you didn?t get here last weekend. You could have enjoyed our very special election-year weekend sales-tax holiday. As it is, we still didn?t cut the tax on your favorite consumer product, Marlboro Lights.
There?s a lot more to see on Martha?s Vineyard than the usual tourist traps. Think Chappaquiddick. I shouldn?t have to explain its historical significance, even to someone like yourself, who thinks they speak ?Austrian? in Austria.
You know, even your network sycophants have grown tired of your overuse of the analogy about how the Republicans drove the economy into a ditch. Maybe, but now you?re in the driver?s seat and you?re taking it over a cliff. So when you get to Chappaquiddick, check out the rebuilt dike bridge. It?ll remind you that worse things can happen to a ?67 Oldsmobile Delmont than plunging into a ditch.
Swimming may be a problem this week. Tisbury Great Pond apparently looks a lot like your economy - contaminated with large amounts of excrement and other smelly floating things.
Yeah, you and the family may not have much of a vacation this year. And if you decide to leave early - well, none of us would think of trying to stop you. Except maybe Deval - he?s got a pal of his he wants to introduce you to. See, Deval owes this guy big-time. His name?s Tim Cahill, and he?ll be looking for work in January.
