To help those who have been crying about the NFL being rigged, I did some thinking. Specifically about tonights game
Look, My inside guy says the NFL needs the Jags to win so badly tonight because the league’s newest, top-secret marketing plan is “Operation Cat Pajamas”—an effort to make jaguar-print headbands and teal yoga pants the hottest fashion trend in America. Now don't be spreading this around on other boards, but If Jacksonville doesn’t win, thousands of warehouses are gunna be be stuck with unsellable jaguar merchandise, and Roger Goodell will apparently be forced to personally audition for that dumb ass “Dancing with the Stars” show wearing a Jags full mascot suit just to move inventory.
Secondly, the NFL is rumored to have made a deal with local Jacksonville seafood vendors: for every touchdown, crab cakes get 50% off—4TDs and they're FREE, but only if it’s Jags touchdowns. So, to protect the great American crab cake supply, there’s just no option but to back the JAGS tonight!
Lastly—Instagram and social media. I did the research and Trevor Lawrence has the league’s best hair. FACT. Npw here me out. This is where things get really scary. As far as I can tell the NFL’s Instagram engagement goes up 900% when the wind blows through those golden locks in slow-motion. There's supposed to be a light, sexy breeze tonight coming on off the Atlantic Ocean.
Tonight simply must be a Jags night, or the league’s shampoo endorsements are doomed!
Taking JAGS +3.5 10 units
That’s the real “rigging logic” behind tonight’s NFL game—pure marketing genius, crab cake economics, and a desperate need for better hair product commercials!
Look, My inside guy says the NFL needs the Jags to win so badly tonight because the league’s newest, top-secret marketing plan is “Operation Cat Pajamas”—an effort to make jaguar-print headbands and teal yoga pants the hottest fashion trend in America. Now don't be spreading this around on other boards, but If Jacksonville doesn’t win, thousands of warehouses are gunna be be stuck with unsellable jaguar merchandise, and Roger Goodell will apparently be forced to personally audition for that dumb ass “Dancing with the Stars” show wearing a Jags full mascot suit just to move inventory.
Secondly, the NFL is rumored to have made a deal with local Jacksonville seafood vendors: for every touchdown, crab cakes get 50% off—4TDs and they're FREE, but only if it’s Jags touchdowns. So, to protect the great American crab cake supply, there’s just no option but to back the JAGS tonight!
Lastly—Instagram and social media. I did the research and Trevor Lawrence has the league’s best hair. FACT. Npw here me out. This is where things get really scary. As far as I can tell the NFL’s Instagram engagement goes up 900% when the wind blows through those golden locks in slow-motion. There's supposed to be a light, sexy breeze tonight coming on off the Atlantic Ocean.
Tonight simply must be a Jags night, or the league’s shampoo endorsements are doomed!
Taking JAGS +3.5 10 units
That’s the real “rigging logic” behind tonight’s NFL game—pure marketing genius, crab cake economics, and a desperate need for better hair product commercials!
