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    Wouldn't want to be on this tour

    Illinois Sues Dave Matthews Band Aug 24, 9:49 PM EST The Associated Press CHICAGO -- The state of Illinois sued the Dave Matthews Band on Tuesday for allegedly dumping up to 800 pounds of liquid human waste from a bus into the Chicago River, dousing a tour boat filled with passengers. The...
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    Poker Player?

    Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife Sue, legs spread wide, wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his...
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    The Many uses for Vodka

    VODKA Who would have thought? 1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves the adhesive. 2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger- spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean...
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    A Bad Day at the Office

    Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You...
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    Sometimes you just can't win

    The Drunk: A good Ole Boy.... staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies. Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he...
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    A Few Thoughts...

    A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST: She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash...
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    New Alcohol Warning Labels

    Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to...
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    A Great Retirement Idea!

    With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old &feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for...
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    A Recipe Worth Trying...

    READ THE RECIPE INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE > > > >This is my very favorite recipe. > >A cookie recipe worth your time... > >1 cup of water >1 tsp baking soda >1 cup of sugar >1 tsp salt >1 cup of brown sugar >lemon juice >4 large eggs >1 cup nuts >2 cups of dried fruit >1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla >...
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    Just like a.......

    ...woman... A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's...
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    Trouble in Memphis Tiger Land

    Tigers win, but it costs dearly November 23, 2003 The celebration began in the closing minutes Saturday at Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium. More than 40,000 University of Memphis fans, enjoying the program's best season in 30 years, started counting down the final seconds of a 21-16 Conference...
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    Python Attacks, Swallows Woman

    Python Attacks, Swallows Woman RANGAMATI, Bangladesh (Reuters) - A python killed and half-swallowed a woman in southeastern Bangladesh, police said Friday. Basanti Tripura, 38, was collecting fruit with a friend in a forest when she was attacked Tuesday, a police official said. She...
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    Man Dies After Winning Vodka-Drinking Contest

    Man Dies After Winning Vodka-Drinking Contest MOSCOW (Reuters) - A vodka-drinking competition in a southern Russian town ended in tragedy with the winner dead and several runners-up in intensive care. "The competition lasted 30, perhaps 40 minutes and the winner downed three half-liter...
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    Memphis Tiger News

    ....According to the local Memphis paper (The Commercial Appeal) Tigers lose Avery to injury Receiver tears ligament, is likely out for season November 18, 2003 University of Memphis receiver Maurice Avery, who has emerged as one of Tiger quarterback Danny Wimprine's favorite targets, will...
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