A Little Humor

[Blitz]

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?' 'About 35,' was the reply. 'I'm actually 47,' the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, 'Oh, you look about 29.' 'I am actually 47!' she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, 'I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age. 'There was no one around, so the woman said, 'What the hell?' and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, 'OK, You are 47.'Stunned, the woman said, 'That was brilliant! How did you do that?' The old man replied, 'I was behind you in line at McDonalds.'

 

[Blitz]

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. I'm having a heart attack,"
> >cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle
Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the
phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally
> >naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard," says the
husband,
> >"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring
> >the kids!"
> >

 

[Blitz]

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I canna button me pants."

"Oh Angus ... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."

About 5 minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.

Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.

The little lady looks at him and says, "My god, what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"

"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did. Everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in..."

 

[TBONEZ0295]

good ones blitz