Brokeback Mountain Self Test:
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah
diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And justthink about how you call a dog. "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat. "Bun-bun, come
to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
barbeque ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or
tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a
faggo.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A
straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with
Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like.
If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league,
NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse
or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY
type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it - you're dying
to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
at a slow-ass river or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or
play with his honey in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere vous c'est
le Gay. The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a
woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films
by yourself or with another man is likely in SHC (spontaneous homosexual
combustions), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too.
None apply here.
jr11
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah
diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And justthink about how you call a dog. "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat. "Bun-bun, come
to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
barbeque ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or
tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a
faggo.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A
straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with
Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like.
If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league,
NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse
or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY
type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it - you're dying
to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
at a slow-ass river or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or
play with his honey in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere vous c'est
le Gay. The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a
woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films
by yourself or with another man is likely in SHC (spontaneous homosexual
combustions), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too.
None apply here.
jr11
