When you heading across the pond DTB? Think I already sent
this link, but if not-
http://www.pattayaexpatsclub.com/
Best to you...
You know it's way past time for your next Land of
Smiles (LOS) trip when:
1. You start following every long black haired girl down the streets of London, Sydney, Omaha, (wherever)!
2. You begin to think all those soapies and game shows your TG , (Thai girl), made you watch weren't so terrible after all!
3. You start flipping over your bottle of shampoo to look for the Thai writing!
4. You say, "up to you", when your boss offers you a raise!
5. Your wife wakes you up asking you, "who is Jin, Pong and Dau?".
6. You buy 8 rolls of film, even though you have never taken a picture of Coventry, Des Moines, (or wherever you live)!
7. When at a bar with your pals, you ask if they have any Thai beers (even though you know your pals will question your sexuality for doing so)!
8. You make a face before walking into the toilet of the classiest restaurant in Manchester, Chicago (wherever)!
9. You look in the full-length mirror and swear the natural! length of your dick has increased since the last time you looked!
10. You log-in to the FLB member's board every night and sigh heavily at every mention of a TG!
11. You go to a disco in the next biggest city where TG are meeting.
12. You go to a Thai restaurant not because of the food but because of the waitress.
13. You search the sex pages only for "Asian"
14. When your wife is asking you for a favour you press your hand for a "wai"
15. Your bottle of Mekhong is empty.
16. At Valentines you tell your wife "I lubb u so mutt"
17. You meet a nice girl at a party and she is WILLING. You make the mistake and ask "Short Time or Long Time ?"
18. You told your colleages already three times how nice the temples in Thailand are.
19. You pay for your dinner $ 25 and think "1,000 Baht, just right for a long-time"
20. You do not go only to FLB board, you go to all Thai boards !!!
21. You adopt a new currency and start calculating everything in barfines.
22. Your Wife asks you about building a new Conservatory and you readily agree subject to her agreeing your 3rd unplanned holiday in Pattaya.
23. You start scanning the pages of your local paper looking for new Thai restaurants just so you can go and check out the staff.
24. You start telling dumb, blonde farang women who are clearly after your money exactly where to go and exactly what you think of them even though you previously found them extremely attractive.
25. You start missing trips down to your local pub just to catch up on what is happening in Thailand via the many Message Boards you are now a member of.
26. You find yourself getting too stressed out and spending too much time getting involved in flame wars on various Message Boards about issues which are far less important than first imagined.
On the positive side
27. By virtue of some of the above, you start finding out that you have friends all over the World with whom you share a common interest.
28. You start communicating and meeting people that are prepared to do you favour with no requirement or expectation of something in return, simply because you share that common interest.
29. After ?? years, you suddenly discover that you really are the "handsome man" you always dreamt of being (providing you remember to take your wallet with you).
30. You find a previously undiscovered means of wasting a few minutes until your next trip typing a post like this
31. Your mates in the pub go crazy for the new blonde 19 year old bar maid and you could not give much of a damn.
32. Your mates say that Ladies Night is always full and sometimes you can shag them You just smile knowingly, thinking should I tell them all about LOS, nah they would never believe you.
33. Any asian women you see in England are so much more interesting to you.
34. You start talking slower and repeating the last word ie: I feel same same!
35. You start dividing prices in dollars by 41.63 to see how much it would be in baht.
36. Many of the girls you would reject outright whilst in LOS you would now willingly pay triple the going rate if they could be magically transported to your place back home just for one night.
37. It's easier to get laid in the West because women can sense that you could careless about them. You still would rather be in Pattaya.
38. Every time a person shows you their new boat, car, woman, etc... you are unimpressed, thinking, I would rather spend the money and time in Pattaya.
39. You become more productive at work trying to justify more time off to go back to Pattaya ASAP.
40. You feel closer to guys you met on the internet or in Pattaya that have been there. Kinda of like war veterans. If they haven't been there, they don't understand.
41. The guys want to go to a strip club and it just bores you to tears.
42. You actually begin to miss the smell of Pattaya.
43. You desperately drive to the coast looking for a city like Pattaya in vain.
44. Your wardobe is full of summer clothes even though you live in a wet and cold climate.
45. You become an expert on flight prices to Bangkok.
46. Your friends find you paralized while staring at a Thai Int'l Airlines Poster.
47. You want to buy new summer clothes for leisure time and think "wait until next Pattaya visit".
48. Instead of watching TV you?re busied with all the Thai boards.
49. Your collegues tell you that they do not like to travel to Asia and you explain why you go : beaches, food, culture ...
50. You tell your wife that the Thai government closed most bars and that most TG are ugly. The beautiful girls are katoeys.
51. You hope that she will believe it.
52. You bring your camera film to another shop than usually.
53. You try hanging on to the side of your local bus.
54. Your wife ask you to go shopping with her an you answer (up to you).
55. When you ask to have your beer put in the microwave before you taste it.
56. You find yourself walking around night lights looking for lady rice bugs.
57. You buy a digicam to avoid the photomart guy seeing your pics as he develops them.
58. You say chok dee instead of cheers.
59. You try to explain to people that any gold less than 22k is worthless.
60. You think any female not wearing a T-back panty has got to be geriatric.
61: when you say "stop your mouth", instead of "shut up"
62: when you say "mai bpen rai", instead of "I'm going to smack his face"
63: when you say "him say.....", instead of "he says"
64: when you eat rice with your hands, preferably sticky rice
65: shouting "Nong! Nong!" to the waiter
66: asking: "Check Bin" instead of "Check Please"
68. You set your computer clock on BKK as local city and Thailand as local time, so you can think like a local
69. You start work later and go home later so your bodyclock feels more alligned to Thailand
70. I have a taxi, and you have thaimusic in the CD stacker to play to thai yings going home.
71. You can't wait for Stickmans weekly column to be downloaded.
72. And you even think that Trink (I don't give a hoot) Is even funny even though its dry and boring
73. As soon as you get home, you are planning the next trip even though it might be one year before you can get back.
74. You go to Woolworths everyweek because you know they stock Chang Beer, even though you don't drink it in THAILAND.
75. You spend wasted hours on the net looking at thai messageboards, thai newpapers, travel sites, even down to looking at thai hotel websites and what each room looks like.
76:After I book my flight I go to the Airport and watch my flight take off weeks before I am due to fly. (went to watch 2 days ago and am due to go on the 4th March 2004).
78. you keep useing nasal inhalers when you don`t have a cold.
79.you don`t bat an eyelid in the pub when an elephant taps you on the shoulder.
80. You don't blink an eyelid when at the Pub for many hours and a pink elephant wraps his trunk around you.
81. You don't blink an eyelid when someone wraps a python around you and your ladyfriend. In fact, you rather enjoy it.
82. You can't walk past the local Flight Centre office without checking their advertised return fare to Bangkok in the window.
83. You lose interest in your share prices, and instead keep watching the $US dollar exchange rate on the nightly news, and mentally converting from $Aus to $US to Baht.
84. You start rereading your C. J. Moore books for the umpteenth time just for the nostalgia hit of reading about NEP, Thermae etc.
85. You visit your local massage place to chat with the Thai girls and bemoan the fact that 1 hour with them at local rates would still pay for an all nighter in LOS..
86. You greet the young waitress at your local Thai restaurant with "Sawasdee Khap" - she's a first generation Aussie and gives you a funny look.
87. You anxiously scan bulletin boards for latest news on the crackdown,and convince yourself that it will all still be there in a few weeks when you arrive!
88. You finally get around to joining FLB Board, only 12 months after assuring Pete you would on the return from your last trip, and because you want to see what's going down before you get back.
Sounds about right to me,
