Dear Santa....

[taoist]

deer santa:
________________________________________

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drumkit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Carol

Dear Carol,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time gambling. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa




:mj07: :mj07: :mj07:

 

[ripken8]

santa,

banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. now that's funny. but how did you know my fat mom was always riding dads ass???
signed, teddy

 

[Blazer]

Dear Santa,

Can you please make the people at Madjacks like me. I am sooo lonely all I do is search porn and watch my old Sports Illustrated USC National Championship VHS that I got free with my subscription. I am very honest and I have alot of time on my hands, so it would be great if you made everybody like me so I can pretend to have a real friend.


signed, no one inparticular

 

[Nole]

Dear Santa,

Can you please make the people at Madjacks like me. I am sooo lonely all I do is search porn and watch my old Sports Illustrated USC National Championship VHS that I got free with my subscription. I am very honest and I have alot of time on my hands, so it would be great if you made everybody like me so I can pretend to have a real friend.


signed, no one inparticular

You know, for a minute, that sounded............................uh............................oh yeah,................ VOLFAN!!!!!!

:mj07:

nole

 

[Teddy KGB]

How did my xmas wish get posted :cursin:

Love,
Teddy

 

[Nole]

Just funnin' neighbor.



nole

 

[taoist]

Dear Santa,

Can you please make the people at Madjacks like me. I am sooo lonely all I do is search porn and watch my old Sports Illustrated USC National Championship VHS that I got free with my subscription. I am very honest and I have alot of time on my hands, so it would be great if you made everybody like me so I can pretend to have a real friend.


signed, no one inparticular

Dear Scott,

I know who you are. Stop whining and learn to get along with the other posters at MJ's and quit being such a little prick. The only thing I am bringing you for Christmas is an old fashioned can of whoop ass, Texas style.

Sincerely,
Santa

 

[Scott4USC]

Dear MJ posters,

I apologize for not being aware of the rule that states disagreeing with peoples opinions is considered not getting along. I always thought making personal attacks was considered not getting along. That is something Scott4USC doesn't do. Maybe Scott4USC should be a sheep and agree with the majority at MJ's on various opinions. Then maybe he can accomplish his long time goal of being everyones friend! #1) SEC is superior conf. #2) Pac 10 sucks #3) USC is over-rated every year #4) USC plays $hit defense #5) MJ AND MODERATORS ARE GOD AND NOBODY SHOULD SPEAK OUT AGAINST THEM! #6) Stop predicting USC to win the NC and then USC doing exactly what you post! STOP BEING RIGHT ABOUT YOUR TEAM! It sickens me! #7) Stop talking about USC so much even though you don't start USC threads. Just stop it though. :mj07: #8) This is a big one. When you disagree with someone, STOP using your intelligence and attacking the info inside a post. Much more fun to use personal attacks! #9) Shorten up your posts, I can't read that fast and I hate reading. #10) HOOKEM HORNS! BEAT SC!

Can I now be accepted?

:flush: :flush: :flush: :flush:

 

[bjfinste]

Good God Scott, now you're using the third-person??

 

[IntenseOperator]

Dear Santa,
can California please slip into the ocean already? It's going to happen anyway.