~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her
origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you,
Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues.
"Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling
me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No
wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his
brother and sister-in-law barged in holding their newborn
baby.
"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.
"And why not?" asked Stan.
"Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"
Stan said nothing.
His brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew.
Stan, make me an uncle."
Stan couldn't take it anymore and asked his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?"
"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor."
"Well congratulations, you're holding him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was
suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband
and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor
their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at
the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she
ever had before. All her friends and relatives just went on
and on about her youthful beauty.
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was
overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I
just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There
is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need when
I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a dumb hillbilly named Bubba comes home from work
early and finds his wife naked on the bed, panting for
breath. "Honey!" she says to her husband, "I think I'm
having a heart attack!"
Rushing to call 911, the hillbilly almost stumbles on his
four-year old son. The kid says, "Daddy, there's a naked man
in the closet." The hillbilly throws open the closet door
and sees his best friend standing there, naked as a jaybird.
The hillbilly says, "Damn it, Harry. My wife is having a
heart attack and all you can do is stand there and scare the
hell out of the kids!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blind man was standing with his dog in a corner when the
dog raised his leg and pissed on his trouser. The man took
out a biscuit from his pocket and was about to give the dog
the same. Suddenly, he heard a lady saying, "You should not
do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when
he does something like that."
The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just
trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass
for what he just did".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the
other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her
origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you,
Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues.
"Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling
me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No
wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his
brother and sister-in-law barged in holding their newborn
baby.
"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.
"And why not?" asked Stan.
"Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"
Stan said nothing.
His brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew.
Stan, make me an uncle."
Stan couldn't take it anymore and asked his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?"
"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor."
"Well congratulations, you're holding him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was
suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband
and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor
their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at
the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she
ever had before. All her friends and relatives just went on
and on about her youthful beauty.
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was
overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I
just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There
is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need when
I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a dumb hillbilly named Bubba comes home from work
early and finds his wife naked on the bed, panting for
breath. "Honey!" she says to her husband, "I think I'm
having a heart attack!"
Rushing to call 911, the hillbilly almost stumbles on his
four-year old son. The kid says, "Daddy, there's a naked man
in the closet." The hillbilly throws open the closet door
and sees his best friend standing there, naked as a jaybird.
The hillbilly says, "Damn it, Harry. My wife is having a
heart attack and all you can do is stand there and scare the
hell out of the kids!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blind man was standing with his dog in a corner when the
dog raised his leg and pissed on his trouser. The man took
out a biscuit from his pocket and was about to give the dog
the same. Suddenly, he heard a lady saying, "You should not
do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when
he does something like that."
The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just
trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass
for what he just did".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the
other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
