~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pro golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and
was rushed to hospital. Just before he was put under,
the surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news," says the
surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your
right arm!"
"Oh, God, no!" cries the man. "My career is over!
Please, Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it
with, but it's a woman's arm! I'll need your permission
before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it, Doc" says the man. "As long as I can play
golf again."
The operation went well, and 6 months later the man was
out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the
best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch
and my putting has really improved."
"That's great." said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting
has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes
and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear
the transplant was such a success."
"Well, there is one problem," said the golfer, "every
time I try to jerk off I get a headache!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's all about attitude!!!!!
We have all been to those meetings
where someone wants over 100%
Well, Here's to achieving 103%!!...
Here's a little math that might prove
helpful in the future!
What makes life 100% ??
IF:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O
P Q R S T U V W X Y Z =
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
But -
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
However,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, Give it all you've got!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day while jogging a middle-aged man noticed two tennis
ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in
good condition, he picked the balls up, put them in his
pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross
street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful
blonde standing next to him smiling.
"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
"Tennis balls," the man said smiling back.
"Wow," said the blonde looking upset. "That must hurt. I
once had tennis *elbow* and the pain was unbearable!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pro golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and
was rushed to hospital. Just before he was put under,
the surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news," says the
surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your
right arm!"
"Oh, God, no!" cries the man. "My career is over!
Please, Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it
with, but it's a woman's arm! I'll need your permission
before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it, Doc" says the man. "As long as I can play
golf again."
The operation went well, and 6 months later the man was
out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the
best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch
and my putting has really improved."
"That's great." said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting
has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes
and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear
the transplant was such a success."
"Well, there is one problem," said the golfer, "every
time I try to jerk off I get a headache!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's all about attitude!!!!!
We have all been to those meetings
where someone wants over 100%
Well, Here's to achieving 103%!!...
Here's a little math that might prove
helpful in the future!
What makes life 100% ??
IF:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O
P Q R S T U V W X Y Z =
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
But -
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
However,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, Give it all you've got!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day while jogging a middle-aged man noticed two tennis
ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in
good condition, he picked the balls up, put them in his
pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross
street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful
blonde standing next to him smiling.
"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
"Tennis balls," the man said smiling back.
"Wow," said the blonde looking upset. "That must hurt. I
once had tennis *elbow* and the pain was unbearable!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
