Top 8 Morons of 2002
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He
received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's
lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California
spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too
small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me
all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I
said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is
her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven
Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but
unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!) Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter
how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft boat going.
It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power
was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to
a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition.
The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the propeller
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing
so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer!
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He
received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's
lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California
spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too
small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me
all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I
said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is
her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven
Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but
unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!) Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter
how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft boat going.
It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power
was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to
a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition.
The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the propeller
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing
so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer!
