Oh Well, (Sigh)- I'll probably end up attached to a vacuum cleaner anyway.
Chicken Tonight
In the province of Orense in Northwest Spain, a 39-year-old man was crushed to death by a rock while pleasuring himself with a chicken. Although no one is quite sure how it happened, it is thought that the vibrations caused by his lovemaking possibly dislodged the boulder. The chicken also perished and was still attached to the man when his body was found.
Fun on the Farm
A 62-year-old farmer was found dead in his barn by a neighbour, crushed beneath the hydraulic scoop of his tractor. He was wearing stockings and a pair of shoes with an eight-inch heel, and his ankles were tied to a four-foot length of pipe, which was itself chained to the scoop. By pulling on a pair of ropes, he could raise and lower the scoop and suspend himselfupside down.
Beside the dead body was a broken length of four-by-two, which was meant to act as a safety feature when the scoop was lowered, by stopping it from hitting the ground. Unfortunately, as the scoop came down, it had snapped the wood and continued downwards, trapping the man beneath it and crushing him.
Make mine a Stiff One
A 34-year-old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend, however, he couldn't get rid of his erection, and after three days he went to the doctor in search of help. Shortly afterwards, he developed blood clots in various parts of his body, gangrene set in, and he lost both legs, nine fingers and his penis.
Pipe Cleaner
A number of men, generally in the 55 to 65 age group, have ended up in hospital after attempting to make love to a vacuum cleaner, although their explanations are rarely so straightforward. One 60-year-old man was changing the plug of the Hoover when it mysteriously "switched itself on" and sucked him in. A 65-year-old signal man bent down to pick up his tools and caught his penis in a nearby vacuum, while another was merely bending over to turn the vacuum off when the accident happened. Bizarrely, all were in a state of almost total undress when their accidents happened.
Pool Side Fun
While enjoying an early morning swim, Brazilian Claudiomiro Marques decided to experiment with the sexual properties of swimming pool filters. Unfortunately, the structure of the filter, combined with the degree of suction, meant that his penis became jammed fast. Doctors were called who eventually managed to extricate him from his terrible predicament, although not before concerned bystanders had first contributed to the rescue procedure by attempting to demolish the wall of the pool.
Suckered
An Australian tourist woke one morning on his holiday in Thailand to discover his passport and money had vanished during the night. He cast his mind back, and the last thing he could remember was sucking on the nipples of a transvestite prostitute. After going to the police and making an embarrassing confession, the police were able to track down the perpetrator, who explained that he had used a tranquillizer on his nipples, a necessary subterfuge as many sex tourists didn't drink.
Come Again?
A Somalian trucker reported to his doctor wearing rubber incontinence pants, and claiming that over the previous month he had been experiencing up to 40 plus involuntary ejaculations daily. He believed his condition was brought on by chewing the drug khat. A week later, he suffered total erection failure, and even lengthy abstinence from the drug failed to restore his sexual ability. His doctor believed he had used up his lifetime's supply of orgasms.
A Lovely Bunch of Grapes
A patient in the USA went to see his doctor, and was checked for hemorrhoids. During the examination, the doctor asked if he was enjoying it, at which point the patient turned around and noticed that the doctor was masturbating. The doctor was given one year's probation.
Pets Win Prizes
When the guests at a wedding reception in Sussex sat down to watch a Video of the proceedings, they were surprised to see pictures of the man who owned the video camera enjoying himself, on a bed, with the neighbour's Staffordshire bull terrier. His defence in court was that he had made it to prove that pornographic films used trick photography, and that no sex had taken place. He received a six-month suspended sentence.
Chicken Tonight
In the province of Orense in Northwest Spain, a 39-year-old man was crushed to death by a rock while pleasuring himself with a chicken. Although no one is quite sure how it happened, it is thought that the vibrations caused by his lovemaking possibly dislodged the boulder. The chicken also perished and was still attached to the man when his body was found.
Fun on the Farm
A 62-year-old farmer was found dead in his barn by a neighbour, crushed beneath the hydraulic scoop of his tractor. He was wearing stockings and a pair of shoes with an eight-inch heel, and his ankles were tied to a four-foot length of pipe, which was itself chained to the scoop. By pulling on a pair of ropes, he could raise and lower the scoop and suspend himselfupside down.
Beside the dead body was a broken length of four-by-two, which was meant to act as a safety feature when the scoop was lowered, by stopping it from hitting the ground. Unfortunately, as the scoop came down, it had snapped the wood and continued downwards, trapping the man beneath it and crushing him.
Make mine a Stiff One
A 34-year-old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend, however, he couldn't get rid of his erection, and after three days he went to the doctor in search of help. Shortly afterwards, he developed blood clots in various parts of his body, gangrene set in, and he lost both legs, nine fingers and his penis.
Pipe Cleaner
A number of men, generally in the 55 to 65 age group, have ended up in hospital after attempting to make love to a vacuum cleaner, although their explanations are rarely so straightforward. One 60-year-old man was changing the plug of the Hoover when it mysteriously "switched itself on" and sucked him in. A 65-year-old signal man bent down to pick up his tools and caught his penis in a nearby vacuum, while another was merely bending over to turn the vacuum off when the accident happened. Bizarrely, all were in a state of almost total undress when their accidents happened.
Pool Side Fun
While enjoying an early morning swim, Brazilian Claudiomiro Marques decided to experiment with the sexual properties of swimming pool filters. Unfortunately, the structure of the filter, combined with the degree of suction, meant that his penis became jammed fast. Doctors were called who eventually managed to extricate him from his terrible predicament, although not before concerned bystanders had first contributed to the rescue procedure by attempting to demolish the wall of the pool.
Suckered
An Australian tourist woke one morning on his holiday in Thailand to discover his passport and money had vanished during the night. He cast his mind back, and the last thing he could remember was sucking on the nipples of a transvestite prostitute. After going to the police and making an embarrassing confession, the police were able to track down the perpetrator, who explained that he had used a tranquillizer on his nipples, a necessary subterfuge as many sex tourists didn't drink.
Come Again?
A Somalian trucker reported to his doctor wearing rubber incontinence pants, and claiming that over the previous month he had been experiencing up to 40 plus involuntary ejaculations daily. He believed his condition was brought on by chewing the drug khat. A week later, he suffered total erection failure, and even lengthy abstinence from the drug failed to restore his sexual ability. His doctor believed he had used up his lifetime's supply of orgasms.
A Lovely Bunch of Grapes
A patient in the USA went to see his doctor, and was checked for hemorrhoids. During the examination, the doctor asked if he was enjoying it, at which point the patient turned around and noticed that the doctor was masturbating. The doctor was given one year's probation.
Pets Win Prizes
When the guests at a wedding reception in Sussex sat down to watch a Video of the proceedings, they were surprised to see pictures of the man who owned the video camera enjoying himself, on a bed, with the neighbour's Staffordshire bull terrier. His defence in court was that he had made it to prove that pornographic films used trick photography, and that no sex had taken place. He received a six-month suspended sentence.
where have you been????
