so I'll just post this in a new topic
Just like every fishing story I might embelish a little but as far as yall know this is all factual.
Let me start off by saying that my wife and I do not currently attend church but with the Thanksgiving holiday hastily approaching I might as well practice telling this story since it will be told again on Turkey day.
I had just moved in with my girlfriend (wife today) in the slums of Lubbock, Texas. This apartment building had to have the thinnest walls in the world. On one side, we had Ike and Tina who would fight every night right after dinner. One of them must have been a high school QB because the force at which they would throw things against the wall would shake the lamps in our living room. On the other side we had the nympho's. The guy was a spitting image of Bill Gates but not as buff. The girl who was a full 8 inches taller than him had a gothy air about her and the thing I most remember is that she would wear lip liner without lipstick. About 3-4 times a week they would engage in a mating ritual that made black widow love making seem like the natural choice for any male being. She could have run a church as her favorite scream was, "Oh God, Oh God!!!" To make it worse, HE was a screamer. His voice inflection can't be described acurately with words but imagine Little Richard trying to stop a run-away horse.
I wake up one day and on my way to the car see that my horsey emblem on my mustang is gone and now must be bling bling around some teenagers neck. ' "Sorry for your Lost" ' (TM), I say to myself. I head to class. As I arrived home from a long day of class and work I relaxed in the parking lot relishing the fine work of Outkasts 'Elevators' I, like many white teenagers in 1995, considered myself to be a connosieur of rap music. It was a Tuesday, if I hadn't said that before. On my walk to the apartment I see my two homeboys sitting on the steps. One of them says, "You dig that kind of music?" I say, "Yeah, do you?" He say, "Nah, I'm more into gospel." We visit a little while and talk about church and tupac until he invites me to their church wednesday. I can't, I need to get a hair cut. I'll cut your hair. Ok.
So I'm rocking my fade and tell the girlfriend that we have plans on wednesday. Here's the address. She say's, "It's downtown?" I look at the address and say, I guess so.
We show up downtown at 6:50 and this isnt a church it's an office building. They are bringing in the drums. There's my buddy. "What's the denomination?" His response, "It's non-denominational." Let's get a seat before it gets too crowded. We settle in as the lady running the sermon does a couple of mic checks and the young girl warms up on the drums. The announcement that we are letting out early tonight because the AA meeting was rescheduled to 8:30 tonight in this room is made. I look around and see a handful of people who can kill two birds with one stone tonight. But I digress.
Things are starting off well but the sermon keeps hitting on love and waiting until marriage. I look over at my hair dresser who had already locked eyes on me. I think I'm getting the shake down. I sat quietly holding Autumn's hand and she would show reassurance every once in a while by giving it quick squeeze. We were a diverse crowd with all colors and creeds represented. There is quite a bit of murmuring during these things and the one crazy white lady who yelled, "Praise Jesus" every 23 seconds. Break, time for a drum solo. That little girl jammed. My buddy walks over and it's time for first timers to go up and experience the holy ghost. There were 4 of us. I'm on the end. I guess 2 of the D Linemen from Tech come down on wednesday night and serve as the 'catchers' for the holy ghost drop. We are standing in line and I am slightly bent over watching but trying not to bring attention to myself. The lady walks up, gives a little speech, and the person falls backwards. The linemen catch the person, lie them down and cover them in a burlap sack. Dang. Next person, same thing. Now its Autumn's turn, boom bam, she's down. My palms are sweating a little and I didn't pay good enough attention to the go down indicator. I'm screwed. She stands in front of me and gives me the speech. For those that don't know, the indicator is, "In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost" go down. I missed. and she knew it. and now I'm standing there awkwardly while I should be lying on the ground under a sack. She takes her left palm and starts to push in right under my rib cage where I'm pretty sure my liver is. She leans in close and whispers, "You will feel the power of Jesus." As she pulls her hand away from my body I learned how magicians use slight of hand. I was so focused on her left hand that I never saw the right palm that connected with my forehead. Of note, this is the second indicator if you miss the first one. I go down. I was amazed with how strong the linemen were because I let my body go limp and was willing to bang the head to sell messing up the first missed indicator. They lay me down and drape the burlap over me. It's itchy as all get out but I'm not moving. Eyes closed tightly. Now I can hear Autumn gently crying to my left. The next 15 minutes were spent in recollection. I recalled all of the events that lead to my lying under this burlap sack and wondered, did Autumn feel something. Of note, the standard time for lying on the ground is 1-2 minutes. I overshot it by a good 10+ minutes. I returned to my seat and Autumn wouldn't make eye contact with me. We wrap up and B-line to the car. Not a single word was said on the ride home. We get inside and I finally man up and say, "Did you feel anything?" She tears up and let's out a somber no. I say me neither. And she says and I can't make this up, "Thank God, I thought you had because you laid on the ground for 15 minutes." We embraced in one of those hugs that oozed love and security and I can't recall completely but I do believe that a single tear rolled from my eye lid, down my cheek and to the floor. Then the lady next door threw something against the wall and we broke out in laughter.
Autumn and I broke our lease and bought our first house together at the end of that month and I'm not one to preach but when people say, "God works in mysterious ways." I say, "I know"
Remember this, lots of people practice their faith, I don't practice mine, I live it.
Just like every fishing story I might embelish a little but as far as yall know this is all factual.
Let me start off by saying that my wife and I do not currently attend church but with the Thanksgiving holiday hastily approaching I might as well practice telling this story since it will be told again on Turkey day.
I had just moved in with my girlfriend (wife today) in the slums of Lubbock, Texas. This apartment building had to have the thinnest walls in the world. On one side, we had Ike and Tina who would fight every night right after dinner. One of them must have been a high school QB because the force at which they would throw things against the wall would shake the lamps in our living room. On the other side we had the nympho's. The guy was a spitting image of Bill Gates but not as buff. The girl who was a full 8 inches taller than him had a gothy air about her and the thing I most remember is that she would wear lip liner without lipstick. About 3-4 times a week they would engage in a mating ritual that made black widow love making seem like the natural choice for any male being. She could have run a church as her favorite scream was, "Oh God, Oh God!!!" To make it worse, HE was a screamer. His voice inflection can't be described acurately with words but imagine Little Richard trying to stop a run-away horse.
I wake up one day and on my way to the car see that my horsey emblem on my mustang is gone and now must be bling bling around some teenagers neck. ' "Sorry for your Lost" ' (TM), I say to myself. I head to class. As I arrived home from a long day of class and work I relaxed in the parking lot relishing the fine work of Outkasts 'Elevators' I, like many white teenagers in 1995, considered myself to be a connosieur of rap music. It was a Tuesday, if I hadn't said that before. On my walk to the apartment I see my two homeboys sitting on the steps. One of them says, "You dig that kind of music?" I say, "Yeah, do you?" He say, "Nah, I'm more into gospel." We visit a little while and talk about church and tupac until he invites me to their church wednesday. I can't, I need to get a hair cut. I'll cut your hair. Ok.
So I'm rocking my fade and tell the girlfriend that we have plans on wednesday. Here's the address. She say's, "It's downtown?" I look at the address and say, I guess so.
We show up downtown at 6:50 and this isnt a church it's an office building. They are bringing in the drums. There's my buddy. "What's the denomination?" His response, "It's non-denominational." Let's get a seat before it gets too crowded. We settle in as the lady running the sermon does a couple of mic checks and the young girl warms up on the drums. The announcement that we are letting out early tonight because the AA meeting was rescheduled to 8:30 tonight in this room is made. I look around and see a handful of people who can kill two birds with one stone tonight. But I digress.
Things are starting off well but the sermon keeps hitting on love and waiting until marriage. I look over at my hair dresser who had already locked eyes on me. I think I'm getting the shake down. I sat quietly holding Autumn's hand and she would show reassurance every once in a while by giving it quick squeeze. We were a diverse crowd with all colors and creeds represented. There is quite a bit of murmuring during these things and the one crazy white lady who yelled, "Praise Jesus" every 23 seconds. Break, time for a drum solo. That little girl jammed. My buddy walks over and it's time for first timers to go up and experience the holy ghost. There were 4 of us. I'm on the end. I guess 2 of the D Linemen from Tech come down on wednesday night and serve as the 'catchers' for the holy ghost drop. We are standing in line and I am slightly bent over watching but trying not to bring attention to myself. The lady walks up, gives a little speech, and the person falls backwards. The linemen catch the person, lie them down and cover them in a burlap sack. Dang. Next person, same thing. Now its Autumn's turn, boom bam, she's down. My palms are sweating a little and I didn't pay good enough attention to the go down indicator. I'm screwed. She stands in front of me and gives me the speech. For those that don't know, the indicator is, "In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost" go down. I missed. and she knew it. and now I'm standing there awkwardly while I should be lying on the ground under a sack. She takes her left palm and starts to push in right under my rib cage where I'm pretty sure my liver is. She leans in close and whispers, "You will feel the power of Jesus." As she pulls her hand away from my body I learned how magicians use slight of hand. I was so focused on her left hand that I never saw the right palm that connected with my forehead. Of note, this is the second indicator if you miss the first one. I go down. I was amazed with how strong the linemen were because I let my body go limp and was willing to bang the head to sell messing up the first missed indicator. They lay me down and drape the burlap over me. It's itchy as all get out but I'm not moving. Eyes closed tightly. Now I can hear Autumn gently crying to my left. The next 15 minutes were spent in recollection. I recalled all of the events that lead to my lying under this burlap sack and wondered, did Autumn feel something. Of note, the standard time for lying on the ground is 1-2 minutes. I overshot it by a good 10+ minutes. I returned to my seat and Autumn wouldn't make eye contact with me. We wrap up and B-line to the car. Not a single word was said on the ride home. We get inside and I finally man up and say, "Did you feel anything?" She tears up and let's out a somber no. I say me neither. And she says and I can't make this up, "Thank God, I thought you had because you laid on the ground for 15 minutes." We embraced in one of those hugs that oozed love and security and I can't recall completely but I do believe that a single tear rolled from my eye lid, down my cheek and to the floor. Then the lady next door threw something against the wall and we broke out in laughter.
Autumn and I broke our lease and bought our first house together at the end of that month and I'm not one to preach but when people say, "God works in mysterious ways." I say, "I know"
Remember this, lots of people practice their faith, I don't practice mine, I live it.
