If General George Patton was alive and president
of the USA, this would be his Fireside Speech:
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has
been completed.
Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this
war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all
American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within
30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
names of countries, which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Norway
and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first
list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to
those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.
The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat
on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an
epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes and
solve some local problems. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations:
Screw with us, and we will hunt you down and eliminate
you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a
gutsy country to terrorize? Try France and/or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority: You boys,
work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mon amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the
many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more
than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York!
A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on
List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them
by saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live
a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other peoples problems.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on list 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
of the USA, this would be his Fireside Speech:
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has
been completed.
Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this
war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all
American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within
30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
names of countries, which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Norway
and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first
list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to
those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.
The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat
on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an
epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes and
solve some local problems. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations:
Screw with us, and we will hunt you down and eliminate
you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a
gutsy country to terrorize? Try France and/or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority: You boys,
work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mon amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the
many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more
than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York!
A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on
List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them
by saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live
a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other peoples problems.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on list 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
