Picked it out of an email I recently received
Picked it out of an email I recently received
almost went with the slinky one
........
Right up your ally, neighbor!
Today's Thoughts
Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground
easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted!
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
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If quitters never win and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the
Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
___________________________________
Some people are like Slinkies; not really good for anything, but you still
can't help but smile when you see one take a tumble down the stairs.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks
about
seeing UFO's like they used to?
___________________________________
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather; it pays no attention to
criticism.
___________________________________
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut
save you 30 cents?
___________________________________
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
___________________________________
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
___________________________________
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a
whole
box to start a campfire?
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AND THE #1 THOUGHT: You've read about all these terrorists.
Most of them came here legally, but hung around on expired visas, some for
as
long as 10-15 years. Now, compare this to Blockbuster -- if you are two
days
late with a video, those people are all over you. Let's put
Blockbuster in charge of Immigration.
