1. Being a pornography performer can be bad for your emotional, mental, and physical health, and you will likely get sick at times as a result of your work.
?And so it began. I woke up at five every morning and got to the studio by seven for makeup. If I weren?t so young, my face would have looked like hell after all the sleep deprivation?. Suze, I soon realized is also a shark. Her specialty is na?ve young girls - much like myself? Once she sank her teeth into me, she didn?t let go. She shot me until I was half dead.? (Pg. 105)
?For the girls who get penetrated in every hole in their first film, it?s physical and mental overload.? (Pg. 146.)
?Though every performer is required to have comprehensive monthly testing for sexually transmitted diseases, STDs are still a valid concern?. You never know what kind of lifestyle people are leading off the set.? (Pg. 326-328.)
?And before you even get into it, realize that it?s not that easy to have sex with strangers in front of other people. When you?re having sex, you?re at your most vulnerable. Only a handful of women look good ****ing: everyone has a little cheese here and there. At the very least, most girls have to battle eating disorders at some point from seeing themselves jiggling naked on camera so much. And, speaking of exposure, every time you?re on set you?re swapping fluids with someone, so your body is constantly fighting colds and flus. You get sick. You get run down.? (Pg. 329)
?A week into shooting, I did a scene with Kylie Ireland, Felicia, and Vince Voyeur. That night, when I returned from work, I had a sore throat?. By the end of the movie, my throat was so swollen it hurt to swallow and I was so weak I could barely hold a conversation. When I returned home, I looked in the mirror and there were huge white lumps all over my throat?The doctor who finally saw me was a hack. ?Okay, you have strep throat.??.(Pgs. 360-361)
??he said a woman in the industry had contracted HIV? Before this announcement, no one in the industry to any of our knowledge had contracted the HIV virus before. And condoms were rarely used in films that that time. We canceled shooting that day because no one could work. The next day, Steve told us that it had been a false positive. Everyone was relieved, but at the same time, we had all changed: we were now aware that something like this could happen.? (Pg. 377)
?Joy had booked interviews and photo ops for me every ten minutes. And I was excited to do all that work. I was willing to do anything to be someone who everyone loved. Looking back on it, it was just a new type of insecurity replacing the old one, and I was giving myself away to the needs and expectations of the public instead of the needs and expectations of the men in my life. It was just a new form of dependence developing. And it was equally detrimental to any sort of emotional stability.? (Pg. 401)
?I had become the main attraction in this whole circus, and it was taking a much bigger toll on my life than I realized.? (Pg. 415)
?Travel is a major staple of my life. It seems it?s all I do. I?m not sure the effect it?s having on me. I guess I haven?t taken the time to reflect. Obviously that?s on of the major problems. Reflection. I close myself off. Not wanting to let what?s in the mirror of my life stare back at me. I never take the time to feel the effects of my choices. Maybe it?s because I would be ashamed, maybe afraid. I realize I have avoided my pain for as long as I can remember. It?s what I?ve been taught. Be strong little one? Things can only get better. As life goes racing by me, all the while my soul goes on with sickness. Yes, sickness. It feels like it?s ailing. Because the one that should be nursing it is too busy trying to succeed and be accepted. I?m certainly scared that if I try to fix what has broken in me, so long ago, I may not succeed. So I go on faking that I am whole, proud, and strong? I almost laughed aloud when I turned my head down to wipe my tears on my shirt and saw the pen I was pouring my pain through. It?s a Radisson Hotel pen. Point taken.? (Pg. 418)
?Sometimes everything seems so surreal. Nikki used to call me her ?Gypsy.? I always laughed when she said that, because I know it?s not only from all my travels. My heart is a gypsy ? continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wondering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. Loneliness is what it feels like. I don?t really know what the urgency is I feel: Loneliness or complete heartbreak? But I fight it, saying it can?t be broken. I still have hope that I will find peace within myself, and that must be what it?s about. - Confusion. - ? (Pg. 419)
?There are times when I wish the industry had a union, because the shooting schedules are inhumane. It generally takes a good three weeks to shoot even the crappiest independent film; we do it in one to six days.? (Pg. 454)
?By 2 A.M. on day three, I was exhausted. I had been in every scene, and still had two sex scenes left to film, which meant at least five hours of work to go.? (Pg. 453)
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Please click on ?Read More!? below to read the other twenty-four good reasons Jenna Jameson has written regarding why no one would ever want to become a porn star. :^) (Long and definitely not light reading - but truly fascinating and extremely informative!)
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2.In order to really succeed, you will likely have to get painful breast implants.
?One of the most frustrating things about the film work was that the producers never wanted to put me on box covers. They all said my breasts were too small. My boobs were certainly big enough for all the men who stared at them every time I left the house. But they weren?t big enough by porn standards. Just like at the Crazy Horse (strip club), the girls with the monster silicone got all the attention.? (Pg. 160)
?All those customers and box covers lost to girls with bigger, faker breasts had built a deep insecurity.? (Pg. 169)
?I had done so many photo sessions in the past year that I was literally being shot out of the business. I needed to do something to get more jobs, otherwise I?d lose the only source of income left to me. (Pg. 170)
?Mine (breast implants) didn?t turn out so well?. With an implant that big underneath my muscle, it felt like ****ing Barnum and Bailey?s Circus was sitting on my chest. I cried when I looked in the mirror afterward: they seemed way too big for my frame. I drank a little to kill the pain?? (Pg. 170)
?I didn?t realize until years later how stupid I was to get them. (Breast implants.) Drugs tend to impair your judgment?? (Pg. 171)
3. You will likely have to have sex with other people you find repellent.
?While I was waiting for my first sex scene, my co-star, a gentleman I had never met before named Arnold Biltmore, sat next to me. He had a soft, pasty body; a porous, greasy complexion; and a kindergarten haircut, parted in the middle and combed to either side. Nothing about Arnold Biltmore turned me on. And in ten minutes I was supposed to have sex with him. When our scene started, he tried to kiss me. I turned my head away from the camera, so that no one could see me grimace?. As my head kept bumping into his stomach while I gave him head, all I could think was, ?What the hell am I doing here? This is disgusting.? A bead of sweat on Arnold?s forehead?swelled and grew until it turned into a bubble, and then slowly pried itself free of his forehead?. When it smacked me between the eye, it flipped a switch in my head. ?I?m done,? I though. ?I can?t do this anymore.?? (pg. 161-162.)
?Other male actors were creepy, and looked at me as if they wanted me to be their wife afterwards; or they had erection problems and, even worse, hygiene problems.? (Pg. 376)
Jenna to ?one of porn?s leading men: ?So do guys in the industry become freaks?? Reply: ?That?s actually true in a way. Every guy in the industry has one fetish or passion that keeps him going. You have to realize these guys are working with a girl who?s beautiful one day, and then the next day they?re with a girl that they wouldn?t normally want to touch, let alone ****. So they have to go somewhere in their head to keep themselves interested and aroused.? (P. 387)
4. Being a pornography performer can often be physically painful.
?It was such a challenge to look sexy and relaxed while manipulating my body into the various uncomfortable contortions?Even for? the simplest pose, like looking over my shoulder with my back to the camera, I had to arch so hard that my lower back cramped. When I see those photos now, it seems obvious that the sexy pout I thought I was giving the camera was just a poorly disguised grimace of pain.? (Pg. 94)
? To keep all of my body in focus and in the light, I had to bend and contort into all sorts of unnatural positions that were supposed to look effortless? But this time I had to hold the positions much longer and wait for them to meter the light, take a Polaroid, and check the light again before they even started shooting. I was so out of shape from my unhealthy lifestyle that my knees would suddenly start knocking during a pose or my lower back would spasm when I arched it for too long?. I really wanted to please Suze, so I was willing to hold my knees over my head for twenty minutes straight, until my spine felt like it was going to snap.? (Pgs. 101-102)
?He (T.T. Boy) raced through the foreplay ? a little kissing a little oral sex ? then all hell broke loose. He slammed me so fast and hard that it took every ounce of control I had to stay focused and in the moment?. I could feel my thighs bruising against his. Then suddenly it all stopped. He pulled out and shot straight into my mouth. I wasn?t expecting him to pop so soon.
?Is that all?? I asked.
?No,? he said. He grabbed my hips and helped me just over his lap and started slamming me into his dick. I was in decent shape cardio-wise, but he moved with such force and speed that I was winded. It felt like my insides were going to fall out. And then, finally, he popped ? again.
?Is that all?? I asked.
?No', he grunted.
And he put it right back inside. The guy was a machine. There was no lull. His focus never dimmed. His intensity never wavered. He?d throw me into position after position, and would come in each one. I was in shock. I?d never been ****ed like this in my life.
I couldn?t wait for him to finish. I was starting to get sore. Finally, after four pop shots, he said, ?Hold on. I have to go eat something.?
?Are we done?? I dared to ask.
?Not by a long shot,? he said.
I didn?t think I could take anymore, but I kept my mouth shut. I was curious to see what he was up to now. He walked off, devoured three cans of tuna, and was back with a raging hard-on still pulsating in the air. Within minutes, he was pounding me over and over, in every position I?d ever imagine and some I hadn?t, until finally, with one last climactic pop, he was done. Time elapsed: 156 minutes. ?
I literally limped away from the set, licking my wounds?? (Pg. 374)
?When it came time for my first boy-girl scene, Rod, of course, cast himself as my partner. His very first thrust banged my cervix wrong. I doubled over in pain, rocking and moaning and clutching myself for fifteen minutes. It took another six hours before I was ready to have sex again. I?m still not sure why the pain was so sharp ? I may have been swollen from the workout I had already been through in the previous girl-girl scenes.? (Pg. 423)
5. The porn industry will objectify you and influence you to see yourself as an object.
?You are the product. (Pg. 333)
6. The porn industry and the people in it do not treat women with decency, fairness and respect.
?Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films - in which they?re taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive asshole who thinks her name is Bitch. And these girls, some of whom have the potential to become major stars in the industry, go home afterward and pledge never to do it again because it was such a terrible experience.? (Pg. 132)
?In a worst-case scenario, a gonzo director will take a girl to a hotel room and have their friends shoot a cheap scene in which she is humiliated in every orifice possible. She walks home with three thousand dollars, bowed legs, and a terrible impression of the industry. It?ll be her first and last movie, and she?ll regret it ? to her dying day.? (Pg. 325)
?In other scenarios, she?ll work for two weeks until she?s only getting paid seven hundred dollars a scene and then, finally, no one wants to use her anymore. So she?ll agree to do double penetration or drink the sperm of twelve guys just to stay working.? (Pg. 325)
?If you take the time to read it (a sample adult-film contract) carefully, you will notice many ways in which a female performer can get shafted ? both literally and metaphorically.? (Pg. 353)
?It was the most irritating shoot of my life. When I spread for him, he joked about there being an echo in the room. When I went into a doggie position, he commented on needing a fish-eye lens for my ass. All evening, he kept making comments that one shouldn?t make around a woman, especially if one wants her to feel sexy.? (Pgs. 359-360)
?For my first Wicked movies, I kept my mouth shut and absorbed everything that was going on. I looked at how the other girls were being treated (basically like Tinkertoys) and what type of people got to call the shots (the male directors). I was determined not to just be a **** toy but also retain as much power as possible off camera.? (Pg. 368)
?When they were finally ready to shoot, J.B. came into the makeup room and ordered: ?Get your whore ass on set and do what you do best.? He had just used the wrong word. I ran after him in a Tasmanian Devil frenzy. The crew had to pull us apart. It was late and my nerves were frayed, but nonetheless J.B. was out of line. And I was right: they were wasting time arguing about the lighting. When he left, I collapsed in my makeup chair and started crying.? (Pgs. 453-454)
7. The industry is full of strange and scary people, who are happy to take advantage of you ? like ?suitcase pimps?.
Suitcase pimps ?date industry girls, become their managers, take all their money, and often leave them broke, jobless, prematurely aged wrecks.? (Pg. 162)
Kylie?s suitcase pimp ?knelt in front of her and reached deep inside her. He had a very strange expression on his face, as if he actually enjoyed the responsibility. When he fished it (the sponge) out between his bloody fingers, he actually sniffed it. I had to get out of there. I never wanted to do another movie again.? (Pg. 163)
?There are a lot of scumbags in the industry. They?ll tell girls they need to ?test them out? first to see if they give a good blow job.? (Pg. 326)
?After the AVN Awards and all the mainstream exposure, everyone wanted to interview me, even people who had passed on the offer before. One of them was Al Goldstein, the publisher of Screw magazine, who was writing for Penthouse at the time. Joy set up something after the awards show, and Goldstein came by to introduce himself. He?s an obese, greasy, slovenly man, and was very touchy-feely with both of us. When he discussed the interview, he seemed to be dropping hints about going on a date or getting sexual favors from me in exchange for the article. He didn?t say it explicitly, but it?s the feeling Joy and I got?. Goldstein never forgave us for canceling the interview. And so I made my first enemy in the business. He published a screed against Joy and me on the front page of Screw, accusing us of practically every offense imaginable ? and a few that were unimaginable. He even attacked my family. That was a turning point because up until then, I could do no wrong. I was the golden girl of the industry. When I read that story, I was heartbroken. I wanted to give up and quit the business.? (Pg. 415)
?I was sick of the vampires in L.A. The only people I trusted were Steve and Joy.? (Pg. 458)
?We relaxed by the pool and ordered daiquiris. I was instantly drawn to him. (Jordan.) He was so different than any guy I had met before. And that?s probably because I?d been in a world of strip-club owners, porn directors, and suitcase pimps for most of my adult life. He wasn?t loud or obnoxious; he didn?t feel a need to brag or prove himself; and he was unaware of how good-looking he was. He had no game. And because of that, I felt comfortable, like I could let down my guard and be myself without worrying that he wanted anything from me.? (Pg. 460)
?Suitcase pimps aren?t made; they?re born. I returned home to a very different Jordan from the one I had left. My three-week absence had brought out a possessive, patriarchal, and jealous side of him. He insisted that the next time I go on the road, he come along, ostensibly to protect me and make sure I got paid. But the real reason was because he wanted to make sure I wasn?t sleeping with other guys ? which, technically, I wasn?t.? (Pg. 476. Note: Jenna was sleeping with a stripper named Melissa at the time.)
8. The industry will sometimes lie about you and not respect your wishes.
?And slowly they (the pictures) began to appear: on the cover of Hustler; and then Cherry, and then High Society. All three were on the stands with me on the cover. I was the slut of the month. Of course none of them mentioned Jenna Jameson. They called me Shelly or Daisy or Missy. And, though the editors had never spoken a word to me, they featured interviews in which I discussed how inordinately horny I was, how much I like sex with anonymous strangers, and how I fantasized about inviting my girlfriends over for threesomes with my boyfriend.? (Pgs. 121-122.)
9. The other women that you will have to interact with in the sex industry usually won?t be very nice to you.
?They looked so jaded and hardened. I didn?t see a friendly face among them. There was no way I could survive here. These girls would eat me alive.? (Pg. 36)
?Strippers can be vicious.? (Pg. 48)
?My only real competition was a blond girl with a huge boob job? We never exchanged a single word, but there was an unspoken sense of rivalry ? even hatred.? (Pg. 50)
?As I sat in the makeup chair, I watched one hottie after the other arrive ? stuck-up, ****ed-up, worked-up, or hard-up.? (Pg. 105)
??When we broke for lunch, I made a beeline for the fruit table. As I was inspecting the bananas like a good monkey, a tall, think, beautiful brunette walked up to me. It was Shauna Ryan, a Penthouse Pet and clearly the alpha female of the tribe. She looked me up and down and then sneered, ?How old are you? Eleven?? (Pg. 134)
?I began to feel like Suze (Randall) was taking advantage of me. My pictures appeared in every sex ad and foreign nudie magazine imaginable. And since I?d signed away the rights, she was raking in all the money. Whenever I asked her for a few chromes for a promo shoot or to make a modeling book, she?d refuse. I?d ask her instead to shoot an extra roll for me at our next session instead, and she?d say she couldn?t. She made her living off of enthusiastic new girls like myself, and I understood that and was grateful to her for making me an international cover girl. But there was a bigger problem ? she (Suze Randall was stringing me along, telling me that each shoot we did just might be a centerfold in Penthouse. However, nothing we did ever appeared there?. So I added Suze to my mental shitlist of people I could not trust and decided to stop working with her.? (Pg. 172)
?The girls, most of whom had been in the industry longer than me, were extremely catty, probably because I was starring in the movie over them.? (Pg. 372)
?I only had to film one other sex scene in the movie, with Jeanna and another girl. Jeanna was smart, confident, and candid?She was everything I wanted to be. But the scene didn?t live up to my expectations. She just went through the motions, and seemed disconnected the whole time. I kept thinking, ?If we are going to do this, let?s do it right.? There was no passion, no connection, and no energy invested in the moment. The final insult came when we were done and she yelled, to no one in particular, ?Why do you guys put me with these little girls? You make me look like I?m on hundred years old.? I don?t think she realized how bad that made me feel.? (Pg. 376)
?I?d say, ?Oh my gosh, you aren?t supposed to get up and go to the bathroom right now while the ?fasten seatbelt sign? is illuminated,? and they?d look at me like I was the stupidest girl they?d ever seen.? (Pg. 400)
?Backstage, I overheard a couple of the other girls talking. ?Oh, isn?t it so funny??, one said. ?They pick her to host, and she wins all the awards.? ?I wonder how many guys she had to blow?, the other said.? (Pg. 4411-412)
?I walked over to her (Teri Weigel, Playboy Playmate and porn star) afterward and the first words out of her mouth were, ?Who in the hell are you?? That?s when it got ugly. ?I?m the girl whose show this is,? I said. ?What the **** are you doing here?? ?Making money,? she said. ?Same as you. If you can?t compete?? ?Compete?? I blew what was left of my cool. ?Whose name is that on the marquee? Mine. What could have possibly gone through your mind to make you do something like this? Put the shoe on the other foot: How would you feel if you were brand-new on the dance circuit and some legendary dancer chick came in and took your ****ing money??? (Pg. 467)
10. You sometimes have to lie on the job (or be quiet) in order to ?maintain the fantasy? for men or your image.
?Instantly the grilling started. He (Howard Stern) seemed determined to know what had a made a girl like me become a porn star. I told him I loved. Sex. I told him I loved the attention. But it wasn?t enough for him. He kept saying that something didn?t compute. He asked if I had a screwed-up childhood, and I said no. He asked if my parents had been strict, and I said no. He asked if my dad and I still talked, and I said we did. He asked if my mom minded what I was doing, and I said no. I had decided in advance that it was better not to discuss her death on the air. I didn?t think I could handle it.? (Pg. 391)
?But then Howard asked me if I?d ever been molested or abused. It was the one question I wasn?t prepared for.?
?No?, I told Howard, in answer to his question. I lied like a rug. I wasn?t ready to tell anybody about any of this, (being gang raped, beaten and left for dead), and I certainly wasn?t ready to deal with Howard?s reaction. I didn?t want anyone to think that I was in the business because I was a victim.? (Pgs. 391 and 395)
?Just when I thought life couldn?t get any more insane, a producer at the E! Channel called. She said that she wanted to fly me to Bangkok and Singapore to host two episodes of Wild On? ?We also want you to do the opening of Planet Hollywood in each city?, she said. ?What do mean exactly by ?do??? I asked. ?Just interview the stars as they walk in on the red carpet,? she replied. ?No problem,? I told her with my usual lie. Actually, there was a problem: I didn?t know how to interview anyone.? (Pg. 447)
11. You will likely be around a lot of people drinking and taking drugs, with a lot of temptation to succumb yourself.
?When I was younger I followed the rules, went to school, and got good grades. On weekends, I?d drop acid for two days straight, but I never thought of it as a bad thing?. It was all part of growing up and finding yourself. In my mind, the so-called bad drugs were meth, coke, and heroin. Unlike acid and mushrooms, these were addictive drugs, and I thought I was too strong and too smart ever to fall in to that trap. But slowly and sure, it happened. When I left the Crazy Horse, I thought I was going to be a star. But now, at twenty, my career was already over.? (Pg. 172)
?Amazingly, even though the workload is small, some girls still don?t show up on set. And when they do they?re often late and hung over, with ratty hair and nails that haven?t been done in a year. They think that becoming a porn star means just ****ing and doing drugs, but it?s a job. You punch the clock and go to work.? (Pg. 329)
?The biggest challenges for girls doing movies regularly are drugs and dating. A boyfriend can be a nightmare for your career and your emotional health. Some girls come into the industry with creepy guys already attached, and they?ll be doing anal, gang bangs, and bukkake all in one film just to support his drug habit. By the time the girl cleans herself up, she?s twenty-six, done nine hundred movies, looks like Margaret Thatcher in the morning, and has nothing to show for it.? (Pg. 333)
?Though my reasons made sense logically, they were also convenient rationalizations for my drug habit. Traveling to Los Angeles meant flying high and risking getting caught with speed at the airport. So I started posing only for photographers in Las Vegas.? (Pg. 173)
?Throughout the photoshoot, they told me, ?Jenna, relax. Let the tension out of your face.? I was clenching my teeth so hard from the crystal. Even more embarrassing, in certain poses my bones were sticking out so badly that they had to artfully drape my clothes over them so that I wouldn?t repulse readers. There were no magazines for guys with fetishes for anorexic meth freaks at the time.? (Pg. 177)
??My life?, I said. ?It?s not where I want it to be?I?m just?stuck. I?m?addicted.? For the first time I had vocalized it. I was addicted?. I hadn?t done any work in a month. I looked down at my hand, and my fingertips were black from all the time spent holding hot cigarette lighters under meth pipes.? (Pg. 179)
??I don?t have any friends? I don?t know what I?m going to do. The only person I hang out with is a ****ing Mexican crack whore who calls me mija.?? (Pg. 179)
?There was a scale in the corner of the room. I stepped on it. The dial spun and wobbled under the red needle until it stopped on a number. And that number was eighty. I weighed eighty pounds.? (Pg. 179)
?Staring at me from the door of the medicine cabinet was the devil. It had strings of brittle blond hair that had snapped off at various lengths; eyes recessed deep into the sockets and surrounded by bruised black circles; cheekbones sharp enough to draw blood; and its complexion was sickly cyanotic. The devil was my own reflection. I had made my living with my looks, and now they were gone: the beautiful blond hair, the full smiling face, the big bedroom eyes. All the curves that men paid thousands of dollars just to look at had melted away to reveal a skeleton in rags.? (Pg.182)
?Amazingly, even though the workload is so small, some girls still don?t show up on set. And when they do, they?re often late and hung over, with ratty hair and nails that haven?t been done in a year. They think that becoming a porn star means just ****ing and doing drugs, but it?s a job. You punch the clock and you go to work.? (Pg. 329)
12. Celebrities and the press will often treat you badly, like an object, and/or assume you want to have sex with them.
?I was sure Howard (Stern) was going to rip me to shreds. For hours, I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head. I didn?t want to come off like all the other girls on his show. They either pretended to be voracious sex kittens or poor wounded birds?. I wanted to hold my own against the pressure and manipulation? Few girls left that studio without looking like bimbos. And, unlike movie making, I had to get it right or risk national humiliation?. Instantly, the grilling started.? (Pgs. 390, 391)
??I want to go out with you so bad,? he (Howard Stern) said, his eyes never leaving my body. ?Please date me. I?ll pay you to date me.? (Pg. 395)
??That?s the ugliest tattoo I ever saw,? he (Howard Stern) scolded. ?It is ugly. You really are a psycho.?? (Pg. 396)
?(Marilyn) Manson started calling me ? every day. When I wasn?t there, he would leave me half-humorous, half-insane messages about wanting to set me on fire or feed me to Corey Feldman. Since my marriage to Rod was loveless and sexless, I started seeing Manson on and off. But the more I got to know him, the weirder he became. He would talk about wanting to see girls **** prosthetic limbs or sucking Twiggy?s dick, and I?d never be able to tell to what degree he was joking and to what degree he was serious. And he wanted to **** me in the ass a little too often for my comfort. Every time we were naked, he?d be going for my butt like a rat to cheese.? (Pg. 447)
?I walked past a table full of beautiful girls, with Wesley Snipes sitting smack in the middle of them all. He waved me over. ?So you?re the reporter from the E! Channel.? He smiled. ?Why don?t you join us?? Hesitantly, I sat down next to him, and all the other girls at the table shot me dagger looks. He was trying to get in their pants; they were trying to get in his pants; and I was confused. ?So,? he leaned over and whispered in my ear, ?do you like it up the ass?? Being a porn star, I was used to such questions. But Wesley had no idea I was a porn star. Either way, I was offended. I looked at him blankly, stood up, and walked away. That was the first and last time I ever saw him.? (Pg. 450)
?I never made it to the bar. Bruce Willis walked in front of me. He looked fine. Instantly, I felt my chest flush and tingle. Even though he was wearing a creepy pair of shorts, I was still attracted. He didn?t say a word. He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. After thirty seconds of passionate tonguing, he just walked away without a word?. As we hit the fresh air, a bodyguard walked up to me and said, ?Mr. Willis is waiting for you in his limousine.? ? He?s going to be waiting a long time,? I responded. There?s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and he had crossed it.? (Pg. 450)
13. Your fans are often creepy and/or drunk, and none of them really care about your acting, talent or showmanship, they just want to see skin and sex.
?Here, finally, was a new challenge for me, (acting), something I had never done before. Of course, in the back of my mind, I imagined the audience with one hand on their dicks and the other on the fast forward button skipping over the acting scenes?? (Pg. 371-372.)
?These guys didn?t care about seeing a show. They just wanted to see some skin. So much for my delusion of actually being respected in the world at large.? (Pg. 467)
?If I was going to stand up there all night bending over for alcoholics, no one was going to take my money.? (Pg. 468)
?I also learned to keep a close eye on my G-strings and bras, because every time I removed one, it disappeared from the stage. I still wonder what guys do with them, and how stinky and crusty they get when they remain unwashed in their rooms for so long.? (Pg. 468)
?The other thing I learned that week was that guys don?t give a shit about thousand-dollar light shows and Feminator outfits. The best way to make money is not with a Broadway-caliber show, but by being enticing and engaging onstage ? by making them want to splooge in their pants. And so, by the time I arrived at my second engagement, Al?s Diamond Cabaret in Reading, Pennsylvania, I had shed all pretensions of performance art. I was back in stripper mode.? (Pg.468)
14. Working in porn will negatively affect your viewpoint of men and sex.
?After a girl works in the industry for a while, that?s the only thing guys seem good for ? taking care of stuff.? (Pg. 162.)
?Every man I?ve ever met loves the idea of dominating a woman by pushing his massive dick into her tight sphincter so that she loses control? (Pg. 323)
?On top of it, (drugs and user boyfriends), she?ll have no respect for money or sex anymore. Her pussy will have changed from a pleasure center to a cash machine.? (Pg. 333)
?That night at work, she (Melissa) sat inside the ring around the stage and studied every move I made. Wherever I went in the club, I could feel her watching me. It?s funny how if a man did that, it would be creepy; but with a woman, it was such a turn-on. Maybe it?s because worship is a submissive act, and men are supposed to be dominant.? (Pg. 471-472)
?In my mind?every guy just wanted to have sex with me.? (Pg. 360)
?And so it began. I woke up at five every morning and got to the studio by seven for makeup. If I weren?t so young, my face would have looked like hell after all the sleep deprivation?. Suze, I soon realized is also a shark. Her specialty is na?ve young girls - much like myself? Once she sank her teeth into me, she didn?t let go. She shot me until I was half dead.? (Pg. 105)
?For the girls who get penetrated in every hole in their first film, it?s physical and mental overload.? (Pg. 146.)
?Though every performer is required to have comprehensive monthly testing for sexually transmitted diseases, STDs are still a valid concern?. You never know what kind of lifestyle people are leading off the set.? (Pg. 326-328.)
?And before you even get into it, realize that it?s not that easy to have sex with strangers in front of other people. When you?re having sex, you?re at your most vulnerable. Only a handful of women look good ****ing: everyone has a little cheese here and there. At the very least, most girls have to battle eating disorders at some point from seeing themselves jiggling naked on camera so much. And, speaking of exposure, every time you?re on set you?re swapping fluids with someone, so your body is constantly fighting colds and flus. You get sick. You get run down.? (Pg. 329)
?A week into shooting, I did a scene with Kylie Ireland, Felicia, and Vince Voyeur. That night, when I returned from work, I had a sore throat?. By the end of the movie, my throat was so swollen it hurt to swallow and I was so weak I could barely hold a conversation. When I returned home, I looked in the mirror and there were huge white lumps all over my throat?The doctor who finally saw me was a hack. ?Okay, you have strep throat.??.(Pgs. 360-361)
??he said a woman in the industry had contracted HIV? Before this announcement, no one in the industry to any of our knowledge had contracted the HIV virus before. And condoms were rarely used in films that that time. We canceled shooting that day because no one could work. The next day, Steve told us that it had been a false positive. Everyone was relieved, but at the same time, we had all changed: we were now aware that something like this could happen.? (Pg. 377)
?Joy had booked interviews and photo ops for me every ten minutes. And I was excited to do all that work. I was willing to do anything to be someone who everyone loved. Looking back on it, it was just a new type of insecurity replacing the old one, and I was giving myself away to the needs and expectations of the public instead of the needs and expectations of the men in my life. It was just a new form of dependence developing. And it was equally detrimental to any sort of emotional stability.? (Pg. 401)
?I had become the main attraction in this whole circus, and it was taking a much bigger toll on my life than I realized.? (Pg. 415)
?Travel is a major staple of my life. It seems it?s all I do. I?m not sure the effect it?s having on me. I guess I haven?t taken the time to reflect. Obviously that?s on of the major problems. Reflection. I close myself off. Not wanting to let what?s in the mirror of my life stare back at me. I never take the time to feel the effects of my choices. Maybe it?s because I would be ashamed, maybe afraid. I realize I have avoided my pain for as long as I can remember. It?s what I?ve been taught. Be strong little one? Things can only get better. As life goes racing by me, all the while my soul goes on with sickness. Yes, sickness. It feels like it?s ailing. Because the one that should be nursing it is too busy trying to succeed and be accepted. I?m certainly scared that if I try to fix what has broken in me, so long ago, I may not succeed. So I go on faking that I am whole, proud, and strong? I almost laughed aloud when I turned my head down to wipe my tears on my shirt and saw the pen I was pouring my pain through. It?s a Radisson Hotel pen. Point taken.? (Pg. 418)
?Sometimes everything seems so surreal. Nikki used to call me her ?Gypsy.? I always laughed when she said that, because I know it?s not only from all my travels. My heart is a gypsy ? continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wondering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. Loneliness is what it feels like. I don?t really know what the urgency is I feel: Loneliness or complete heartbreak? But I fight it, saying it can?t be broken. I still have hope that I will find peace within myself, and that must be what it?s about. - Confusion. - ? (Pg. 419)
?There are times when I wish the industry had a union, because the shooting schedules are inhumane. It generally takes a good three weeks to shoot even the crappiest independent film; we do it in one to six days.? (Pg. 454)
?By 2 A.M. on day three, I was exhausted. I had been in every scene, and still had two sex scenes left to film, which meant at least five hours of work to go.? (Pg. 453)
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Please click on ?Read More!? below to read the other twenty-four good reasons Jenna Jameson has written regarding why no one would ever want to become a porn star. :^) (Long and definitely not light reading - but truly fascinating and extremely informative!)
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2.In order to really succeed, you will likely have to get painful breast implants.
?One of the most frustrating things about the film work was that the producers never wanted to put me on box covers. They all said my breasts were too small. My boobs were certainly big enough for all the men who stared at them every time I left the house. But they weren?t big enough by porn standards. Just like at the Crazy Horse (strip club), the girls with the monster silicone got all the attention.? (Pg. 160)
?All those customers and box covers lost to girls with bigger, faker breasts had built a deep insecurity.? (Pg. 169)
?I had done so many photo sessions in the past year that I was literally being shot out of the business. I needed to do something to get more jobs, otherwise I?d lose the only source of income left to me. (Pg. 170)
?Mine (breast implants) didn?t turn out so well?. With an implant that big underneath my muscle, it felt like ****ing Barnum and Bailey?s Circus was sitting on my chest. I cried when I looked in the mirror afterward: they seemed way too big for my frame. I drank a little to kill the pain?? (Pg. 170)
?I didn?t realize until years later how stupid I was to get them. (Breast implants.) Drugs tend to impair your judgment?? (Pg. 171)
3. You will likely have to have sex with other people you find repellent.
?While I was waiting for my first sex scene, my co-star, a gentleman I had never met before named Arnold Biltmore, sat next to me. He had a soft, pasty body; a porous, greasy complexion; and a kindergarten haircut, parted in the middle and combed to either side. Nothing about Arnold Biltmore turned me on. And in ten minutes I was supposed to have sex with him. When our scene started, he tried to kiss me. I turned my head away from the camera, so that no one could see me grimace?. As my head kept bumping into his stomach while I gave him head, all I could think was, ?What the hell am I doing here? This is disgusting.? A bead of sweat on Arnold?s forehead?swelled and grew until it turned into a bubble, and then slowly pried itself free of his forehead?. When it smacked me between the eye, it flipped a switch in my head. ?I?m done,? I though. ?I can?t do this anymore.?? (pg. 161-162.)
?Other male actors were creepy, and looked at me as if they wanted me to be their wife afterwards; or they had erection problems and, even worse, hygiene problems.? (Pg. 376)
Jenna to ?one of porn?s leading men: ?So do guys in the industry become freaks?? Reply: ?That?s actually true in a way. Every guy in the industry has one fetish or passion that keeps him going. You have to realize these guys are working with a girl who?s beautiful one day, and then the next day they?re with a girl that they wouldn?t normally want to touch, let alone ****. So they have to go somewhere in their head to keep themselves interested and aroused.? (P. 387)
4. Being a pornography performer can often be physically painful.
?It was such a challenge to look sexy and relaxed while manipulating my body into the various uncomfortable contortions?Even for? the simplest pose, like looking over my shoulder with my back to the camera, I had to arch so hard that my lower back cramped. When I see those photos now, it seems obvious that the sexy pout I thought I was giving the camera was just a poorly disguised grimace of pain.? (Pg. 94)
? To keep all of my body in focus and in the light, I had to bend and contort into all sorts of unnatural positions that were supposed to look effortless? But this time I had to hold the positions much longer and wait for them to meter the light, take a Polaroid, and check the light again before they even started shooting. I was so out of shape from my unhealthy lifestyle that my knees would suddenly start knocking during a pose or my lower back would spasm when I arched it for too long?. I really wanted to please Suze, so I was willing to hold my knees over my head for twenty minutes straight, until my spine felt like it was going to snap.? (Pgs. 101-102)
?He (T.T. Boy) raced through the foreplay ? a little kissing a little oral sex ? then all hell broke loose. He slammed me so fast and hard that it took every ounce of control I had to stay focused and in the moment?. I could feel my thighs bruising against his. Then suddenly it all stopped. He pulled out and shot straight into my mouth. I wasn?t expecting him to pop so soon.
?Is that all?? I asked.
?No,? he said. He grabbed my hips and helped me just over his lap and started slamming me into his dick. I was in decent shape cardio-wise, but he moved with such force and speed that I was winded. It felt like my insides were going to fall out. And then, finally, he popped ? again.
?Is that all?? I asked.
?No', he grunted.
And he put it right back inside. The guy was a machine. There was no lull. His focus never dimmed. His intensity never wavered. He?d throw me into position after position, and would come in each one. I was in shock. I?d never been ****ed like this in my life.
I couldn?t wait for him to finish. I was starting to get sore. Finally, after four pop shots, he said, ?Hold on. I have to go eat something.?
?Are we done?? I dared to ask.
?Not by a long shot,? he said.
I didn?t think I could take anymore, but I kept my mouth shut. I was curious to see what he was up to now. He walked off, devoured three cans of tuna, and was back with a raging hard-on still pulsating in the air. Within minutes, he was pounding me over and over, in every position I?d ever imagine and some I hadn?t, until finally, with one last climactic pop, he was done. Time elapsed: 156 minutes. ?
I literally limped away from the set, licking my wounds?? (Pg. 374)
?When it came time for my first boy-girl scene, Rod, of course, cast himself as my partner. His very first thrust banged my cervix wrong. I doubled over in pain, rocking and moaning and clutching myself for fifteen minutes. It took another six hours before I was ready to have sex again. I?m still not sure why the pain was so sharp ? I may have been swollen from the workout I had already been through in the previous girl-girl scenes.? (Pg. 423)
5. The porn industry will objectify you and influence you to see yourself as an object.
?You are the product. (Pg. 333)
6. The porn industry and the people in it do not treat women with decency, fairness and respect.
?Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films - in which they?re taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive asshole who thinks her name is Bitch. And these girls, some of whom have the potential to become major stars in the industry, go home afterward and pledge never to do it again because it was such a terrible experience.? (Pg. 132)
?In a worst-case scenario, a gonzo director will take a girl to a hotel room and have their friends shoot a cheap scene in which she is humiliated in every orifice possible. She walks home with three thousand dollars, bowed legs, and a terrible impression of the industry. It?ll be her first and last movie, and she?ll regret it ? to her dying day.? (Pg. 325)
?In other scenarios, she?ll work for two weeks until she?s only getting paid seven hundred dollars a scene and then, finally, no one wants to use her anymore. So she?ll agree to do double penetration or drink the sperm of twelve guys just to stay working.? (Pg. 325)
?If you take the time to read it (a sample adult-film contract) carefully, you will notice many ways in which a female performer can get shafted ? both literally and metaphorically.? (Pg. 353)
?It was the most irritating shoot of my life. When I spread for him, he joked about there being an echo in the room. When I went into a doggie position, he commented on needing a fish-eye lens for my ass. All evening, he kept making comments that one shouldn?t make around a woman, especially if one wants her to feel sexy.? (Pgs. 359-360)
?For my first Wicked movies, I kept my mouth shut and absorbed everything that was going on. I looked at how the other girls were being treated (basically like Tinkertoys) and what type of people got to call the shots (the male directors). I was determined not to just be a **** toy but also retain as much power as possible off camera.? (Pg. 368)
?When they were finally ready to shoot, J.B. came into the makeup room and ordered: ?Get your whore ass on set and do what you do best.? He had just used the wrong word. I ran after him in a Tasmanian Devil frenzy. The crew had to pull us apart. It was late and my nerves were frayed, but nonetheless J.B. was out of line. And I was right: they were wasting time arguing about the lighting. When he left, I collapsed in my makeup chair and started crying.? (Pgs. 453-454)
7. The industry is full of strange and scary people, who are happy to take advantage of you ? like ?suitcase pimps?.
Suitcase pimps ?date industry girls, become their managers, take all their money, and often leave them broke, jobless, prematurely aged wrecks.? (Pg. 162)
Kylie?s suitcase pimp ?knelt in front of her and reached deep inside her. He had a very strange expression on his face, as if he actually enjoyed the responsibility. When he fished it (the sponge) out between his bloody fingers, he actually sniffed it. I had to get out of there. I never wanted to do another movie again.? (Pg. 163)
?There are a lot of scumbags in the industry. They?ll tell girls they need to ?test them out? first to see if they give a good blow job.? (Pg. 326)
?After the AVN Awards and all the mainstream exposure, everyone wanted to interview me, even people who had passed on the offer before. One of them was Al Goldstein, the publisher of Screw magazine, who was writing for Penthouse at the time. Joy set up something after the awards show, and Goldstein came by to introduce himself. He?s an obese, greasy, slovenly man, and was very touchy-feely with both of us. When he discussed the interview, he seemed to be dropping hints about going on a date or getting sexual favors from me in exchange for the article. He didn?t say it explicitly, but it?s the feeling Joy and I got?. Goldstein never forgave us for canceling the interview. And so I made my first enemy in the business. He published a screed against Joy and me on the front page of Screw, accusing us of practically every offense imaginable ? and a few that were unimaginable. He even attacked my family. That was a turning point because up until then, I could do no wrong. I was the golden girl of the industry. When I read that story, I was heartbroken. I wanted to give up and quit the business.? (Pg. 415)
?I was sick of the vampires in L.A. The only people I trusted were Steve and Joy.? (Pg. 458)
?We relaxed by the pool and ordered daiquiris. I was instantly drawn to him. (Jordan.) He was so different than any guy I had met before. And that?s probably because I?d been in a world of strip-club owners, porn directors, and suitcase pimps for most of my adult life. He wasn?t loud or obnoxious; he didn?t feel a need to brag or prove himself; and he was unaware of how good-looking he was. He had no game. And because of that, I felt comfortable, like I could let down my guard and be myself without worrying that he wanted anything from me.? (Pg. 460)
?Suitcase pimps aren?t made; they?re born. I returned home to a very different Jordan from the one I had left. My three-week absence had brought out a possessive, patriarchal, and jealous side of him. He insisted that the next time I go on the road, he come along, ostensibly to protect me and make sure I got paid. But the real reason was because he wanted to make sure I wasn?t sleeping with other guys ? which, technically, I wasn?t.? (Pg. 476. Note: Jenna was sleeping with a stripper named Melissa at the time.)
8. The industry will sometimes lie about you and not respect your wishes.
?And slowly they (the pictures) began to appear: on the cover of Hustler; and then Cherry, and then High Society. All three were on the stands with me on the cover. I was the slut of the month. Of course none of them mentioned Jenna Jameson. They called me Shelly or Daisy or Missy. And, though the editors had never spoken a word to me, they featured interviews in which I discussed how inordinately horny I was, how much I like sex with anonymous strangers, and how I fantasized about inviting my girlfriends over for threesomes with my boyfriend.? (Pgs. 121-122.)
9. The other women that you will have to interact with in the sex industry usually won?t be very nice to you.
?They looked so jaded and hardened. I didn?t see a friendly face among them. There was no way I could survive here. These girls would eat me alive.? (Pg. 36)
?Strippers can be vicious.? (Pg. 48)
?My only real competition was a blond girl with a huge boob job? We never exchanged a single word, but there was an unspoken sense of rivalry ? even hatred.? (Pg. 50)
?As I sat in the makeup chair, I watched one hottie after the other arrive ? stuck-up, ****ed-up, worked-up, or hard-up.? (Pg. 105)
??When we broke for lunch, I made a beeline for the fruit table. As I was inspecting the bananas like a good monkey, a tall, think, beautiful brunette walked up to me. It was Shauna Ryan, a Penthouse Pet and clearly the alpha female of the tribe. She looked me up and down and then sneered, ?How old are you? Eleven?? (Pg. 134)
?I began to feel like Suze (Randall) was taking advantage of me. My pictures appeared in every sex ad and foreign nudie magazine imaginable. And since I?d signed away the rights, she was raking in all the money. Whenever I asked her for a few chromes for a promo shoot or to make a modeling book, she?d refuse. I?d ask her instead to shoot an extra roll for me at our next session instead, and she?d say she couldn?t. She made her living off of enthusiastic new girls like myself, and I understood that and was grateful to her for making me an international cover girl. But there was a bigger problem ? she (Suze Randall was stringing me along, telling me that each shoot we did just might be a centerfold in Penthouse. However, nothing we did ever appeared there?. So I added Suze to my mental shitlist of people I could not trust and decided to stop working with her.? (Pg. 172)
?The girls, most of whom had been in the industry longer than me, were extremely catty, probably because I was starring in the movie over them.? (Pg. 372)
?I only had to film one other sex scene in the movie, with Jeanna and another girl. Jeanna was smart, confident, and candid?She was everything I wanted to be. But the scene didn?t live up to my expectations. She just went through the motions, and seemed disconnected the whole time. I kept thinking, ?If we are going to do this, let?s do it right.? There was no passion, no connection, and no energy invested in the moment. The final insult came when we were done and she yelled, to no one in particular, ?Why do you guys put me with these little girls? You make me look like I?m on hundred years old.? I don?t think she realized how bad that made me feel.? (Pg. 376)
?I?d say, ?Oh my gosh, you aren?t supposed to get up and go to the bathroom right now while the ?fasten seatbelt sign? is illuminated,? and they?d look at me like I was the stupidest girl they?d ever seen.? (Pg. 400)
?Backstage, I overheard a couple of the other girls talking. ?Oh, isn?t it so funny??, one said. ?They pick her to host, and she wins all the awards.? ?I wonder how many guys she had to blow?, the other said.? (Pg. 4411-412)
?I walked over to her (Teri Weigel, Playboy Playmate and porn star) afterward and the first words out of her mouth were, ?Who in the hell are you?? That?s when it got ugly. ?I?m the girl whose show this is,? I said. ?What the **** are you doing here?? ?Making money,? she said. ?Same as you. If you can?t compete?? ?Compete?? I blew what was left of my cool. ?Whose name is that on the marquee? Mine. What could have possibly gone through your mind to make you do something like this? Put the shoe on the other foot: How would you feel if you were brand-new on the dance circuit and some legendary dancer chick came in and took your ****ing money??? (Pg. 467)
10. You sometimes have to lie on the job (or be quiet) in order to ?maintain the fantasy? for men or your image.
?Instantly the grilling started. He (Howard Stern) seemed determined to know what had a made a girl like me become a porn star. I told him I loved. Sex. I told him I loved the attention. But it wasn?t enough for him. He kept saying that something didn?t compute. He asked if I had a screwed-up childhood, and I said no. He asked if my parents had been strict, and I said no. He asked if my dad and I still talked, and I said we did. He asked if my mom minded what I was doing, and I said no. I had decided in advance that it was better not to discuss her death on the air. I didn?t think I could handle it.? (Pg. 391)
?But then Howard asked me if I?d ever been molested or abused. It was the one question I wasn?t prepared for.?
?No?, I told Howard, in answer to his question. I lied like a rug. I wasn?t ready to tell anybody about any of this, (being gang raped, beaten and left for dead), and I certainly wasn?t ready to deal with Howard?s reaction. I didn?t want anyone to think that I was in the business because I was a victim.? (Pgs. 391 and 395)
?Just when I thought life couldn?t get any more insane, a producer at the E! Channel called. She said that she wanted to fly me to Bangkok and Singapore to host two episodes of Wild On? ?We also want you to do the opening of Planet Hollywood in each city?, she said. ?What do mean exactly by ?do??? I asked. ?Just interview the stars as they walk in on the red carpet,? she replied. ?No problem,? I told her with my usual lie. Actually, there was a problem: I didn?t know how to interview anyone.? (Pg. 447)
11. You will likely be around a lot of people drinking and taking drugs, with a lot of temptation to succumb yourself.
?When I was younger I followed the rules, went to school, and got good grades. On weekends, I?d drop acid for two days straight, but I never thought of it as a bad thing?. It was all part of growing up and finding yourself. In my mind, the so-called bad drugs were meth, coke, and heroin. Unlike acid and mushrooms, these were addictive drugs, and I thought I was too strong and too smart ever to fall in to that trap. But slowly and sure, it happened. When I left the Crazy Horse, I thought I was going to be a star. But now, at twenty, my career was already over.? (Pg. 172)
?Amazingly, even though the workload is small, some girls still don?t show up on set. And when they do they?re often late and hung over, with ratty hair and nails that haven?t been done in a year. They think that becoming a porn star means just ****ing and doing drugs, but it?s a job. You punch the clock and go to work.? (Pg. 329)
?The biggest challenges for girls doing movies regularly are drugs and dating. A boyfriend can be a nightmare for your career and your emotional health. Some girls come into the industry with creepy guys already attached, and they?ll be doing anal, gang bangs, and bukkake all in one film just to support his drug habit. By the time the girl cleans herself up, she?s twenty-six, done nine hundred movies, looks like Margaret Thatcher in the morning, and has nothing to show for it.? (Pg. 333)
?Though my reasons made sense logically, they were also convenient rationalizations for my drug habit. Traveling to Los Angeles meant flying high and risking getting caught with speed at the airport. So I started posing only for photographers in Las Vegas.? (Pg. 173)
?Throughout the photoshoot, they told me, ?Jenna, relax. Let the tension out of your face.? I was clenching my teeth so hard from the crystal. Even more embarrassing, in certain poses my bones were sticking out so badly that they had to artfully drape my clothes over them so that I wouldn?t repulse readers. There were no magazines for guys with fetishes for anorexic meth freaks at the time.? (Pg. 177)
??My life?, I said. ?It?s not where I want it to be?I?m just?stuck. I?m?addicted.? For the first time I had vocalized it. I was addicted?. I hadn?t done any work in a month. I looked down at my hand, and my fingertips were black from all the time spent holding hot cigarette lighters under meth pipes.? (Pg. 179)
??I don?t have any friends? I don?t know what I?m going to do. The only person I hang out with is a ****ing Mexican crack whore who calls me mija.?? (Pg. 179)
?There was a scale in the corner of the room. I stepped on it. The dial spun and wobbled under the red needle until it stopped on a number. And that number was eighty. I weighed eighty pounds.? (Pg. 179)
?Staring at me from the door of the medicine cabinet was the devil. It had strings of brittle blond hair that had snapped off at various lengths; eyes recessed deep into the sockets and surrounded by bruised black circles; cheekbones sharp enough to draw blood; and its complexion was sickly cyanotic. The devil was my own reflection. I had made my living with my looks, and now they were gone: the beautiful blond hair, the full smiling face, the big bedroom eyes. All the curves that men paid thousands of dollars just to look at had melted away to reveal a skeleton in rags.? (Pg.182)
?Amazingly, even though the workload is so small, some girls still don?t show up on set. And when they do, they?re often late and hung over, with ratty hair and nails that haven?t been done in a year. They think that becoming a porn star means just ****ing and doing drugs, but it?s a job. You punch the clock and you go to work.? (Pg. 329)
12. Celebrities and the press will often treat you badly, like an object, and/or assume you want to have sex with them.
?I was sure Howard (Stern) was going to rip me to shreds. For hours, I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head. I didn?t want to come off like all the other girls on his show. They either pretended to be voracious sex kittens or poor wounded birds?. I wanted to hold my own against the pressure and manipulation? Few girls left that studio without looking like bimbos. And, unlike movie making, I had to get it right or risk national humiliation?. Instantly, the grilling started.? (Pgs. 390, 391)
??I want to go out with you so bad,? he (Howard Stern) said, his eyes never leaving my body. ?Please date me. I?ll pay you to date me.? (Pg. 395)
??That?s the ugliest tattoo I ever saw,? he (Howard Stern) scolded. ?It is ugly. You really are a psycho.?? (Pg. 396)
?(Marilyn) Manson started calling me ? every day. When I wasn?t there, he would leave me half-humorous, half-insane messages about wanting to set me on fire or feed me to Corey Feldman. Since my marriage to Rod was loveless and sexless, I started seeing Manson on and off. But the more I got to know him, the weirder he became. He would talk about wanting to see girls **** prosthetic limbs or sucking Twiggy?s dick, and I?d never be able to tell to what degree he was joking and to what degree he was serious. And he wanted to **** me in the ass a little too often for my comfort. Every time we were naked, he?d be going for my butt like a rat to cheese.? (Pg. 447)
?I walked past a table full of beautiful girls, with Wesley Snipes sitting smack in the middle of them all. He waved me over. ?So you?re the reporter from the E! Channel.? He smiled. ?Why don?t you join us?? Hesitantly, I sat down next to him, and all the other girls at the table shot me dagger looks. He was trying to get in their pants; they were trying to get in his pants; and I was confused. ?So,? he leaned over and whispered in my ear, ?do you like it up the ass?? Being a porn star, I was used to such questions. But Wesley had no idea I was a porn star. Either way, I was offended. I looked at him blankly, stood up, and walked away. That was the first and last time I ever saw him.? (Pg. 450)
?I never made it to the bar. Bruce Willis walked in front of me. He looked fine. Instantly, I felt my chest flush and tingle. Even though he was wearing a creepy pair of shorts, I was still attracted. He didn?t say a word. He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. After thirty seconds of passionate tonguing, he just walked away without a word?. As we hit the fresh air, a bodyguard walked up to me and said, ?Mr. Willis is waiting for you in his limousine.? ? He?s going to be waiting a long time,? I responded. There?s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and he had crossed it.? (Pg. 450)
13. Your fans are often creepy and/or drunk, and none of them really care about your acting, talent or showmanship, they just want to see skin and sex.
?Here, finally, was a new challenge for me, (acting), something I had never done before. Of course, in the back of my mind, I imagined the audience with one hand on their dicks and the other on the fast forward button skipping over the acting scenes?? (Pg. 371-372.)
?These guys didn?t care about seeing a show. They just wanted to see some skin. So much for my delusion of actually being respected in the world at large.? (Pg. 467)
?If I was going to stand up there all night bending over for alcoholics, no one was going to take my money.? (Pg. 468)
?I also learned to keep a close eye on my G-strings and bras, because every time I removed one, it disappeared from the stage. I still wonder what guys do with them, and how stinky and crusty they get when they remain unwashed in their rooms for so long.? (Pg. 468)
?The other thing I learned that week was that guys don?t give a shit about thousand-dollar light shows and Feminator outfits. The best way to make money is not with a Broadway-caliber show, but by being enticing and engaging onstage ? by making them want to splooge in their pants. And so, by the time I arrived at my second engagement, Al?s Diamond Cabaret in Reading, Pennsylvania, I had shed all pretensions of performance art. I was back in stripper mode.? (Pg.468)
14. Working in porn will negatively affect your viewpoint of men and sex.
?After a girl works in the industry for a while, that?s the only thing guys seem good for ? taking care of stuff.? (Pg. 162.)
?Every man I?ve ever met loves the idea of dominating a woman by pushing his massive dick into her tight sphincter so that she loses control? (Pg. 323)
?On top of it, (drugs and user boyfriends), she?ll have no respect for money or sex anymore. Her pussy will have changed from a pleasure center to a cash machine.? (Pg. 333)
?That night at work, she (Melissa) sat inside the ring around the stage and studied every move I made. Wherever I went in the club, I could feel her watching me. It?s funny how if a man did that, it would be creepy; but with a woman, it was such a turn-on. Maybe it?s because worship is a submissive act, and men are supposed to be dominant.? (Pg. 471-472)
?In my mind?every guy just wanted to have sex with me.? (Pg. 360)
