Joke 4 8/22

[danmurphy jr]

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small
print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I
do not work in thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."
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Do not put thermometer under your tongue!

 

[Axle]

Here's one for you:


Amy, a blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy: "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the Cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets Here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn.
They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him: "This is the one..... Right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another Dizzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on......"