This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling
him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"
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Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A
small tree starts to grow between them.
The beech says to the birch, "Is that the son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is however the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in!"
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The Italian says,"When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees,she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy."
The Frenchman replies."Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making
ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The redneck says, "That aint nothing buddy. When I've finished
porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling."
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Hope these weren't too bad, I just got them and wanted to share with someone.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling
him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A
small tree starts to grow between them.
The beech says to the birch, "Is that the son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is however the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Italian says,"When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees,she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy."
The Frenchman replies."Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making
ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The redneck says, "That aint nothing buddy. When I've finished
porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling."
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Hope these weren't too bad, I just got them and wanted to share with someone.
