CANADIAN JOKE # 1
>
> After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided
> to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor,
I
> would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a
> bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
>
> The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me
> 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
>
> The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with RockyMountain
> spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
>
> The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is
> a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
> The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you
> drinking a Molson's?"
>
> The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking
> beer, neither would I."
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #2
>
> A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
> His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer
> for?"
>
> "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
>
> "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #3
>
> An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and
> asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a
> Newfie?"
>
> "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out
> 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
>
> He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the
> neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's
> brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.
>
> He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's
bed
> as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was
> conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was
> a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I
> accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
>
> The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #4
>
> Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
>
> The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the
> pins and throwing them back.
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #5
>
> In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of
> poor snowmobiling.
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #6
>
> One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
> together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they
> were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
> pints.
>
> The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American
> fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if
> nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started
> shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT! IT'S
MINE!!!"
>
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #7
>
> A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
> pepper.
>
> "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
>
> "Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #8
>
> An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
> were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
> before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
> American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
> nurses present asked him what happened.
>
> "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a
> beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at
> the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too
> young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to
> earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the
> next thing I knew I was back here."
>
> "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the
> other two?"
>
> "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the
> price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."
>
> After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided
> to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor,
I
> would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a
> bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
>
> The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me
> 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
>
> The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with RockyMountain
> spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
>
> The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is
> a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
> The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you
> drinking a Molson's?"
>
> The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking
> beer, neither would I."
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #2
>
> A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
> His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer
> for?"
>
> "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
>
> "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #3
>
> An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and
> asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a
> Newfie?"
>
> "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out
> 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
>
> He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the
> neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's
> brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.
>
> He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's
bed
> as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was
> conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was
> a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I
> accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
>
> The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #4
>
> Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
>
> The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the
> pins and throwing them back.
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #5
>
> In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of
> poor snowmobiling.
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #6
>
> One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
> together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they
> were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
> pints.
>
> The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American
> fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if
> nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started
> shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT! IT'S
MINE!!!"
>
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #7
>
> A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
> pepper.
>
> "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
>
> "Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
>
> CANADIAN JOKE #8
>
> An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
> were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
> before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
> American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
> nurses present asked him what happened.
>
> "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a
> beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at
> the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too
> young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to
> earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the
> next thing I knew I was back here."
>
> "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the
> other two?"
>
> "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the
> price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."
