copypaste from another site, i wish i could make these up
A young boy comes home and asks his father to explain the difference between
"theoretically" and "realistically."
The father says "Well, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert
Redford for 1 million dollars."
The boy asks, and his mother says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would do it."
The boy, still confused, asks his father again. The father tells him, "Now
go ask your older sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars."
The boy asks and his sister says, "Of course I would!"
The boy comes back to his father and says "I think I understand."
So the father asks him to explain it. The boy says "Well... theoretically,
we're sitting on 2 million dollars, realistically, we're living with a
couple of whores."
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."
MOODS OF A WOMAN
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
MOODS OF A MAN
Horny.
A young boy comes home and asks his father to explain the difference between
"theoretically" and "realistically."
The father says "Well, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert
Redford for 1 million dollars."
The boy asks, and his mother says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would do it."
The boy, still confused, asks his father again. The father tells him, "Now
go ask your older sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars."
The boy asks and his sister says, "Of course I would!"
The boy comes back to his father and says "I think I understand."
So the father asks him to explain it. The boy says "Well... theoretically,
we're sitting on 2 million dollars, realistically, we're living with a
couple of whores."
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."
MOODS OF A WOMAN
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
MOODS OF A MAN
Horny.
