Kentucky Folk

Chanman

:-?PipeSmokin'
Forum Member
Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeke decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge--into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops."I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeke!"
 

Chanman

:-?PipeSmokin'
Forum Member
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Once upon a time there were three little pigs.
The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick Pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."

The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared. But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats.

These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Oh, Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs."
 

Chanman

:-?PipeSmokin'
Forum Member
Benefits of Aging:

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,

"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my
condition because this prescription is! marked 'NO REFILLS'."

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a
renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to
speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do
your best and just remember, if it doesn't go
well,if something happens to me ...your mother is
going to come and live with you and your wife...."


Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not
me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.

I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back
to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either
dries up or leaks.

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and
wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't
have anything to laugh at when you are old.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then
you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with
sticks, it was called witchcraft..Today, it's called golf

A WELL PLANNED LIFE????
Two women met for the first time since graduating
from high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized
in school, Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire;
my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher;
and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked,
"What do those marriages have to do with a well
planned life?"
"One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
and four to go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Finally a day for us....

Today is International Very Good Looking -- Damn Smart Woman's Day, so please send this message to someone you think fits this description.
 
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