Mental Health Hospital Answering Machine
>Hello, and welcome to the mental health hospital.
>
>If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
>If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
>
>If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
>
>If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
>
>If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship.
>
>If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
>
>If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.
>
>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>
>If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the "#" key until a representative comes on the line.
>
>If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0-0-0.
>
>If you are bi-polar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>
>If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
>
>If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
>
>If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
:mj07:
>Hello, and welcome to the mental health hospital.
>
>If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
>If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
>
>If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
>
>If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
>
>If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship.
>
>If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
>
>If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.
>
>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>
>If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the "#" key until a representative comes on the line.
>
>If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0-0-0.
>
>If you are bi-polar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>
>If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
>
>If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
>
>If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
:mj07:
