More Politically incorrect Stuff

[Blitz]

Illegal Immigrants Poem



I cross ocean,

poor and broke,

Take bus,

see employment folk.



Nice man treat me

good in there,

Say I need to

see welfare.



Welfare say,

"You come no more,

We send cash

right to your door."



Welfare checks,

they make you wealthy,

Medicaid it keep

you healthy!



By and by,

I got plenty money,

Thanks to you,

American dummy.



Write to friends

in motherland,

Tell them 'come

fast as you can.'



They come in turbans

and Ford trucks,

I buy big house

with welfare bucks



They come here,

we live together,

More welfare checks,

it gets better!



Fourteen families,

they moving in,

But neighbor's patience wearing thin.



Finally, white guy

moves away,

Now I buy his house,

and then I say,



"Find more aliens

for house to rent."

And in the yard

I put a tent.



Send for family

they just trash,

But they, too,

draw the welfare cash!



Everything is

very good,

And soon we

own the neighborhood.



We have hobby --

it's called breeding,

Welfare pay

for baby feeding.



Kids need dentist?

Wife need pills?

We get free!

We got no bills!



American crazy!

He pay all year,

To keep welfare

running here.



We think America

darn good place!

Too darn good for

the white man race.



If they no like us,

they can scram,

Got lots of room in

Pakistan.

 

[BobbyBlueChip]

Instead of "Politically Incorrect," maybe your threads should just say "Rascist jokes" or "Hillbilly bigots, C'mon in!!"

 

[IntenseOperator]

POLITICALLY CORRECT SEXES (new 2003 version)

POLITICALLY CORRECT SEXES (new 2003 version)

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.



2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.



3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.



4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.



5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is has PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANIONS.



6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.



7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.



8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.



9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.



10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.



11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.



12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE

FACILITY



2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.



3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE

DESTINATIONS.



4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.



5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL

RELATIONSHIPS.



6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY

HORIZONTAL.



7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of

RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION



8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.



9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED



10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

 

[Blitz]

Instead of "Politically Incorrect," maybe your threads should just say "Rascist jokes" or "Hillbilly bigots, C'mon in!!"

Just posting an email I received BBC, by the way, I think Hillbillies might be offended by your comment, so get off that high horse of yours...

 

[Bluemound Freak]

Instead of "Politically Incorrect," maybe your threads should just say "Rascist jokes" or "Hillbilly bigots, C'mon in!!"

Just posting an email I received BBC, by the way, I think Hillbillies might be offended by your comment, so get off that high horse of yours...

Yeah Bobbo........who died and made you Jesse Jackson?

 

[Chanman]

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thank you" and hangs up.
_______________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
_______________________________________
The investigation of Martha Stewart continues.
Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient.
First you boil the chicken in water.
And then you dump the stock.
_______________________________________
New Sex Study...
It has been determined the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
_______________________________________
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
______________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS!"
_______________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
_______________________________________
Grandpa was driving with his 9-year-old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say 'assh*le!' afterwards."

 

[Blitz]

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?" "We Jack and Jill she replied.

The man says, " You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!" So they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring the door bell and once again the man opens the door.

"Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?"
"We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy. "Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!"

Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again.

This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED. "Oh My! And just who are you supposed to be now?!" he asks.

"Chocolate M & M's," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got, nuts."

 

[IntenseOperator]

LOL

 

[IntenseOperator]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRAILER PARK TRASH WHEN...

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in
front
of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different
night.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch
this."

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your junior prom had a daycare.

You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen
start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off
its wheels.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the
House of Tattoos.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against
it.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
on
the side....

If your working T. V. sits on top of your non-working T. V...

If you thought the Uni-bomber was a wrestler...

If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table...

If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher

If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph...

If somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you
take them out to see what it is...

If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said
concentrate...

If you don't understand why the first 24 are not funny.

:thefinger :thefinger :thefinger

 

[BobbyBlueChip]

YOU'RE A REDNECK IF..

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin'.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

 

[Chanman]

BWAHAHAHAHA! those are pretty good. I remember when I was a tyke staying @ my grandparents farm during the summers. They had an Outhouse, (including Crescent Moon above the Doorway). Don't know which was worse- dodging the hornets that made nests in the ceiling or using a Sears Catalog, (look out for the staples).

 

[IntenseOperator]

I had nothing to do with the names in this one

I had nothing to do with the names in this one

49 Ugly Southerners and a Yankee...
were on a bus trip. The bus crashed and all 50 passengers died and went to Heaven.

God felt terrible about the accident and decided to grant each passenger one wish.

"Please God, make me beautiful", wished the first passenger.

A chorus of similar requests cried out through Heaven.

One passenger named Taoist said, "Lord, look at me! I have a neck
like an ostrich and a head like Johnny Neutron. Make me look like
a fashion model!" Poof! In the blink of an eye, Taoist was good looking, suave and debonaire.

As God proceeded down the line, one by one he made each bus passenger beautiful.

The Yankee remained at the end of the line, holding his hand over
his mouth, snickering and giggling.

God said to the Yankee, "What's your problem? Why are you giggling?

The Yankee said, "God, I wish they were all ugly again."

 

[DOGS THAT BARK]

Good ones Still finding it hard to beat Chanmans blonde with broken finger few weeks back. That was a classic. :142smilie

 

[djv]

Chanman Ah the old outhouse on my uncles farm. With old newspaper on the walls to help keep some of the wind out. And the flies as big as the one in the movie.

 

[cisco]

I liked them all. Keep 'em coming!

 

[Chopsticks]

Racial remarks and jokes are taken for what they are; remarks and jokes. Take chit like this with a grain of salt. LMFAO!!!!!

 

[bullet]

AMERICAN by birth...SOUTHERN by the grace of GOD!!