This man was so paranoid about the size of his penis that he could never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love with a nurse. One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of his problem. "Don't worry," she said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh." Blushing the man drops his trousers. "It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that."
"Really?" the relieved elf asked. She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."
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A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic but, the fourth and youngest is small and ugly. "Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..." The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money."
"Really?" the relieved elf asked. She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."
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A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic but, the fourth and youngest is small and ugly. "Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..." The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money."
I don't go for idiots.