Subject: Points to Ponder
If life gives you lemons, stick them down your shirt and make your boobs look bigger.
Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.
Drink varnish and you'll get a lovely finish.
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
If you receive something that says 'Send this to everyone you know,' pretend you don't know me.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never buy anything that has a handle, eats, needs painting, or has babies.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
Become who you are. - Nietzsche
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
Perseverance is not a long race. It is many short races one after
another.
It is better to give a rock out of love than a diamond out of duty.
Endeavour to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is looking.'
If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
"Take the time to be right. It's faster than being wrong." - my 8th
grade band teacher
Never say 'OOPS!' Always say 'Ah, Interesting!'
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Don't steal a police car unless you're prepared to floor it all the way to Mexico.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver.
Share your smile with everyone, but save your kiss for only one.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Take it easy, and if you get it easy take it twice.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. - Ambrose Bierce
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength. - Corrie TenBoom
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
If you think your wife's jewellery is an investment, try selling a few
pieces.
If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you.
It's better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
Patience comes to those who wait.
If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Don't argue with a fool. The spectators can't tell the difference. -
Charles j. Nalin
Never buy a car you can't push.
It is better to keep your mouth shut, and look like a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt.
When you're in up over your head, the first thing to do is close your mouth.
Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too
quickly and not saying no soon enough. - Josh Billings
At the end of your rope? Tie a knot and SWING! - Leo Buscaglia, the Hug Doctor
Never argue with an idiot; bystanders can't tell the difference.
If life gives you lemons, stick them down your shirt and make your boobs look bigger.
Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.
Drink varnish and you'll get a lovely finish.
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
If you receive something that says 'Send this to everyone you know,' pretend you don't know me.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never buy anything that has a handle, eats, needs painting, or has babies.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
Become who you are. - Nietzsche
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
Perseverance is not a long race. It is many short races one after
another.
It is better to give a rock out of love than a diamond out of duty.
Endeavour to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is looking.'
If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
"Take the time to be right. It's faster than being wrong." - my 8th
grade band teacher
Never say 'OOPS!' Always say 'Ah, Interesting!'
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Don't steal a police car unless you're prepared to floor it all the way to Mexico.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver.
Share your smile with everyone, but save your kiss for only one.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Take it easy, and if you get it easy take it twice.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. - Ambrose Bierce
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength. - Corrie TenBoom
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
If you think your wife's jewellery is an investment, try selling a few
pieces.
If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you.
It's better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
Patience comes to those who wait.
If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Don't argue with a fool. The spectators can't tell the difference. -
Charles j. Nalin
Never buy a car you can't push.
It is better to keep your mouth shut, and look like a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt.
When you're in up over your head, the first thing to do is close your mouth.
Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too
quickly and not saying no soon enough. - Josh Billings
At the end of your rope? Tie a knot and SWING! - Leo Buscaglia, the Hug Doctor
Never argue with an idiot; bystanders can't tell the difference.
