Late Show with David Letterman:
It was a wet rainy day in New York City today ? also today, John McCain admitted he doesn?t know how many umbrellas he owns.
They?re saying that Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. But don?t worry. He has a plan. He?s going to go back to campaigning in Europe.
Matt Damon says Sarah Palin would be a disaster in the White House. I think I?ll wait until I hear what Ben Affleck has to say.
I like Sarah Palin; she looks like the dip sample lady at Safeway.
Late Night with Conan O?Brien:
Sarah Palin has been getting briefed on what she needs to know to be John McCain?s vice president. The first thing they taught her was CPR.
Experts say that since Sarah Palin became the vice presidential nominee, there?s been a spike in the sale of her style eyeglasses. With Palin?s glasses you can see everything ? except what the hell your teenage daughter?s up to.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:
Good news for John McCain ? his poll numbers are up 4 percent, liver spots down 3 percent.
Boy George has come out with a song inspired by Barack Obama, called ?Yes We Can.? You want to reach Ohio? That?s the way to do it!
The government is spending $200 billion to bail out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac; unemployment is at a five-year high; foreclosures are at a 19-year high . . . you know, this means the Democrats are going to have to work extra hard to blow this election.
The New York Times had an article on problems with elderly people. They said one of the worst things that could happen to an old person is breaking a hip. The second worse thing? Losing Ohio.
Sarah Palin took a break. She went back to Alaska. Now people can go back to ignoring John McCain.
On her first day back, she shot two campaign commercials, a moose, and a caribou.
picture of Palin with dead animals, then pic of her parents watching her on TV amid assortment of dead animals