For: U. of South Carolina
Against: Clemson University
A South Carolina fan was giving a Clemson fan a lift to the annual USC-Clemson game in his pickup truck. The Clemson grad, of course, preferred riding in the open bed in back.
On one of those treacherous rural roads around Clemson, the driver of the pickup truck had to swerve to avoid either a cow or a Clemson cheerleader (they're hard to tell apart) and wound up driving off the road, down an embankment and into a river. The truck submerged completely, but the Carolina alumnus knew what to do; he rolled down the window, took a deep breath as the truck cab filled with water, then opened his door when the pressure was equalized and rose to the surface.
Sadly, the Clemson graduate was unable to get the pickup's tailgate open, so he drowned.
Gregg Wiggins
Arlington, Va.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Bowling Green
Against: Toledo
There was a tragic accident at the University of Toledo Student Union Hall yesterday, the electricity went out and 50 students were trapped on the escalator for three hours.
Thomas Moore
Toledo, Ohio
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Colorado
Against: Nebraska
A fellow walks into a bar, orders a drink and asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a good Nebraska joke.
"Listen, buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the Nebraska football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at Nebraska. That guy in the corner was Nebraska's all-time champion weightlifter. And I lettered in three sports at Nebraska. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"
"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Bill Byrne
Denver
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Ole Miss
Against: Mississippi State
How can you tell if a married couple roots for Mississippi State? There is tobacco juice running down both sides of the truck.
Mark Peterson
Clinton
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Gators
Against: Criminoles
What do you call a drug ring in Tallahassee?
A huddle.
Teresa
Gainesville, Fla.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Washington State
Against: Washington
What did the Husky say when he looked in a box of Cheerios?
Ooh! Donut seeds!
Jeff N. Peltier
Olympia, Wash.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Washington
Against: Washington State
A UW student and a WSU student have a head-on collision. Miraculously, neither is hurt.
They climb out of their respective vehicles and trade information. Upon hearing the other driver is a WSU student, the UW student says, "I believe this wreck is signifying that we need to put aside our differences and become friends."
The WSU student agrees, and the UW student looks into his car. "Well, what do ya know! Here's a full bottle of Jack Daniel's that isn't broken at all. I think we should each drink to our newfound friendship. In fact, I'll let you have the first drink."
The WSU student is surprised, but quickly agrees and swallows several large gulps.
He then offers the bottle to the UW student, who says, "No thanks. I'll just wait for the cops to arrive."
Ashley Marie
Sultan, Wash.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Montana State University Bobcats
Against: University of Montana Grizzlies
This year on November 23rd, is the 102nd annual "Brawl of the Wild" ... and this year it is for the Big Sky Conference title.
What is the only sign of intelligent life in Missoula?
Bozeman: 201 miles.
Shaun Shea
Montana City
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Alabama
Against: Auburn
A University of Auburn football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty coed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.
The Auburn student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"
Gary Wray
Birmingham, Ala.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Montana State University
Against: University of Montana
Two football players on the Univ. of Montana Grizzlies were out hunting. As they walked up a small hill, the downhill hunter tripped on his untied shoelace and his gun went off. The bullet struck his hunting companion in the head and he fell to the ground. The shooter was beside himself but remembered that he had his cell phone with him and called 911. The following was his conversation with the dispatcher.
Dispatcher: What is the problem?
Grizzly: (sobbing uncontrollably) I ... I think I just killed my friend!
Dispatcher: Just stay calm and don't jump to any quick conclusions. First, you need to make sure that your friend really is dead.
Grizzly: OK. Wait a minute.
Shortly thereafter the dispatcher hears a gunshot over the phone and then hunter is back on the line.
Grizzly: OK, now what?
Gregg Harris
Bozeman, Mont.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Wabash
Against: DePauw
It's true, neither the average graduate of Wabash nor the average graduate of DePauw can read their diplomas.
The difference being that Wabash's diplomas are written in Latin, whereas DePauw's are in English.
Brad Elmore
Marietta, Ga.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: South Carolina
Against: Clemson
Why is orange the predominant color of Clemson University?
Its versatility -- Clemson folks can wear it to the game on Saturdays, hunting on Sundays, and while picking up trash along the highways Monday through Friday.
John Hayes
Columbia
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Clemson University
Against: University of South Carolina
The following is a letter from a Gamecock mother to her Gamecock son at school:
Dear Son,
I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your Daddy read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your house, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Carolina family that lived here took the numbers off the house when they moved out so they wouldn't have to change their address.
It rained twice last week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
You know the coat you wanted me to send you? Well, Aunt Sue said it would be too heavy to mail it with them heavy buttons on it, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Your uncle fell into a whiskey vat last week while touring the Jack Daniels plant. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off, so he drowned.
Your sister is expecting. They haven't had an ultrasound yet to determine whether it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're going to be an uncle or an aunt.
Other than that, not much has happened since I last saw you.
Love,
Mom
Steve Cusaac
Olanta, S.C
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: South Carolina
Against: Clemson
Do you know what the "O" and the "N" stand for at the end of CLEMSON?
Honer and Knowledge ... (Onher and Nawledge)
David Gant
Phillipsburg, N.J.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Anyone playing against Michigan
Against: Michigan
Q: What does one idiot say?
A: Dah.
Q: What do two idiots say?
A: Dah, Dah.
Q: What do 100,000 idiots say?
A: Dah, Dah Dah Dah Dah ... (Michigan's Fight Song)
Jake
Mt.Clemens
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: UCLA
Against: USC
How many Trojans does it take to change a flat tire?
Four ... Three to sit in the car and one to call daddy on the cell phone.
Greg Miller
Columbus
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Wyoming
Against: CSU
On the back of our "Beat the Sheep shirts" ...
What do Cowboys eat for breakfast?
Green eggs and Ram!
Louis
Laramie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Alabama
Against: Auburn
A dipolma from Auburn has a lot more benefits than a dipolma from Alabama.
With your dipolma from Auburn you can get discounts at stock car events, hog calling contests, and most of all if you put your Auburn dipolma on your dash of your car, you can park in "Handicap Parking Slots"
Virgil Nix
Alabama
Against: Clemson University
A South Carolina fan was giving a Clemson fan a lift to the annual USC-Clemson game in his pickup truck. The Clemson grad, of course, preferred riding in the open bed in back.
On one of those treacherous rural roads around Clemson, the driver of the pickup truck had to swerve to avoid either a cow or a Clemson cheerleader (they're hard to tell apart) and wound up driving off the road, down an embankment and into a river. The truck submerged completely, but the Carolina alumnus knew what to do; he rolled down the window, took a deep breath as the truck cab filled with water, then opened his door when the pressure was equalized and rose to the surface.
Sadly, the Clemson graduate was unable to get the pickup's tailgate open, so he drowned.
Gregg Wiggins
Arlington, Va.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Bowling Green
Against: Toledo
There was a tragic accident at the University of Toledo Student Union Hall yesterday, the electricity went out and 50 students were trapped on the escalator for three hours.
Thomas Moore
Toledo, Ohio
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Colorado
Against: Nebraska
A fellow walks into a bar, orders a drink and asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a good Nebraska joke.
"Listen, buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the Nebraska football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at Nebraska. That guy in the corner was Nebraska's all-time champion weightlifter. And I lettered in three sports at Nebraska. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"
"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Bill Byrne
Denver
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Ole Miss
Against: Mississippi State
How can you tell if a married couple roots for Mississippi State? There is tobacco juice running down both sides of the truck.
Mark Peterson
Clinton
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Gators
Against: Criminoles
What do you call a drug ring in Tallahassee?
A huddle.
Teresa
Gainesville, Fla.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Washington State
Against: Washington
What did the Husky say when he looked in a box of Cheerios?
Ooh! Donut seeds!
Jeff N. Peltier
Olympia, Wash.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Washington
Against: Washington State
A UW student and a WSU student have a head-on collision. Miraculously, neither is hurt.
They climb out of their respective vehicles and trade information. Upon hearing the other driver is a WSU student, the UW student says, "I believe this wreck is signifying that we need to put aside our differences and become friends."
The WSU student agrees, and the UW student looks into his car. "Well, what do ya know! Here's a full bottle of Jack Daniel's that isn't broken at all. I think we should each drink to our newfound friendship. In fact, I'll let you have the first drink."
The WSU student is surprised, but quickly agrees and swallows several large gulps.
He then offers the bottle to the UW student, who says, "No thanks. I'll just wait for the cops to arrive."
Ashley Marie
Sultan, Wash.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Montana State University Bobcats
Against: University of Montana Grizzlies
This year on November 23rd, is the 102nd annual "Brawl of the Wild" ... and this year it is for the Big Sky Conference title.
What is the only sign of intelligent life in Missoula?
Bozeman: 201 miles.
Shaun Shea
Montana City
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Alabama
Against: Auburn
A University of Auburn football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty coed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.
The Auburn student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"
Gary Wray
Birmingham, Ala.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Montana State University
Against: University of Montana
Two football players on the Univ. of Montana Grizzlies were out hunting. As they walked up a small hill, the downhill hunter tripped on his untied shoelace and his gun went off. The bullet struck his hunting companion in the head and he fell to the ground. The shooter was beside himself but remembered that he had his cell phone with him and called 911. The following was his conversation with the dispatcher.
Dispatcher: What is the problem?
Grizzly: (sobbing uncontrollably) I ... I think I just killed my friend!
Dispatcher: Just stay calm and don't jump to any quick conclusions. First, you need to make sure that your friend really is dead.
Grizzly: OK. Wait a minute.
Shortly thereafter the dispatcher hears a gunshot over the phone and then hunter is back on the line.
Grizzly: OK, now what?
Gregg Harris
Bozeman, Mont.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Wabash
Against: DePauw
It's true, neither the average graduate of Wabash nor the average graduate of DePauw can read their diplomas.
The difference being that Wabash's diplomas are written in Latin, whereas DePauw's are in English.
Brad Elmore
Marietta, Ga.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: South Carolina
Against: Clemson
Why is orange the predominant color of Clemson University?
Its versatility -- Clemson folks can wear it to the game on Saturdays, hunting on Sundays, and while picking up trash along the highways Monday through Friday.
John Hayes
Columbia
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Clemson University
Against: University of South Carolina
The following is a letter from a Gamecock mother to her Gamecock son at school:
Dear Son,
I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your Daddy read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your house, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Carolina family that lived here took the numbers off the house when they moved out so they wouldn't have to change their address.
It rained twice last week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
You know the coat you wanted me to send you? Well, Aunt Sue said it would be too heavy to mail it with them heavy buttons on it, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Your uncle fell into a whiskey vat last week while touring the Jack Daniels plant. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off, so he drowned.
Your sister is expecting. They haven't had an ultrasound yet to determine whether it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're going to be an uncle or an aunt.
Other than that, not much has happened since I last saw you.
Love,
Mom
Steve Cusaac
Olanta, S.C
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: South Carolina
Against: Clemson
Do you know what the "O" and the "N" stand for at the end of CLEMSON?
Honer and Knowledge ... (Onher and Nawledge)
David Gant
Phillipsburg, N.J.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Anyone playing against Michigan
Against: Michigan
Q: What does one idiot say?
A: Dah.
Q: What do two idiots say?
A: Dah, Dah.
Q: What do 100,000 idiots say?
A: Dah, Dah Dah Dah Dah ... (Michigan's Fight Song)
Jake
Mt.Clemens
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: UCLA
Against: USC
How many Trojans does it take to change a flat tire?
Four ... Three to sit in the car and one to call daddy on the cell phone.
Greg Miller
Columbus
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Wyoming
Against: CSU
On the back of our "Beat the Sheep shirts" ...
What do Cowboys eat for breakfast?
Green eggs and Ram!
Louis
Laramie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For: Alabama
Against: Auburn
A dipolma from Auburn has a lot more benefits than a dipolma from Alabama.
With your dipolma from Auburn you can get discounts at stock car events, hog calling contests, and most of all if you put your Auburn dipolma on your dash of your car, you can park in "Handicap Parking Slots"
Virgil Nix
Alabama
