Some Advice

[TBONEZ0295]

Its Friday and my 15 & 16 year old have yet another semi formal dance "spring fling" this will be #6 between the 2 of them going with people from other schools and of course there own dances through out the year. I am the type of parent that is VERY involed and usually on the weekends end up with half of the neighborhood + some at my house........
I drove back and forth to the last 6 my kids claim they want me to drive because I have room in my car for everyone FORD EXPIDITION and they claim I'm the "COOL MOM" I say I'm the SUCKER MOM who always says yes "Where are all the other parents?"
Getting to the point the last dance my son asked me if everyone could sleep over???? Of course I said yes I wasn't worried about the boys but I called the girls moms, I reached 2 of the moms who said it was OK The one mom I could not reach was my sons girlfriend. She claimed that everything was ok and then told me that she told her mom. Did I believe her HELL NO she most likely told her mom she was sleeping at her girlfriends house I honestly let it go.............I'm probly wrong for that but whatever there good kids..........
My son this morning TOLD ME " mom your driving tonight right?? and then let me know that its cool if I just want to take them over to Chickies after so I'm not sitting at some restaruant by myself then he says everyones coming here tonight and sleeping over......................8 of them 4 girls 4 boys.............What do I do I really value the fact that my kids are close to me and want me in there lives and are cool with being home here with everyone but don't you think that this is a little much???? I know what I was doing at that age:shrug: I'd rather them be here but after I fall asleep anything goes I'm sure..........

I hope I can get some opinions. I must say they are all good kids no drugs or drinking that I'm aware of so far but who knows like I said what were we all doing at 16??:nono:

 

[THE KOD]

TBONE


There is always one mom in the crowd where everyone likes to go to because she is the cool mom or dad. Its a honor really because it means your no prude.

They won't be around that many more years at 15 and 16. My advice is roll with the punchs and enjoy it while you can.

If there good kids I wouldnt worry about hanky panky going on. They can always do that in the car or anywhere if they really want to. Have your sex talks and cross your fingers.

Just don't be taken advantage of where you are the only one taking any responsibility for the other kids fun and driving around etc.

good luck you sound like a terrific mom.


KinG OF DoGs

 

[buddy]

Scott,

Imo, good advice.

 

[TORONTO-VIGILANTE]

being a now "locked out" teacher, and having dealt with a plethora of teenager experiences, always remember this:

1) you are a parent first, and friend second.

2) you are responsible for these kids, and their parents expect you to keep a close eye on them.

i'm not saying anything bad will happen, but just make sure you cover your ass.

if anything bad happens, they'll be coming after your head.

i've seen stuff like this happen, sleepovers and then once the cat's away the mice play...and then parents are wondering who's responsible and they look for a scapegoat.

hope this helps.

 

[buddy]

tv,

Imo, more good advice.

 

[Bluemound Freak]

Been there and done that.............and then did it again in a different position on my friends mom's new couch!

Trust me, when the lights go out in Georgia there will be some panty pillfering going on! It is up to you and if you don't mind then I would just do the right thing and then go to bed! I know that when I was doing this kind of thing that my parents were knowledgeable enough to know that it was gonna happen........might as well happen somewhere safe.:shrug:

 

[Valuist]

I have an 11 YO daughter and she hasn't hit the co-ed sleepover stage. I've been hearing about these but I couldn't imagine this being allowed when I was a 14 YO back in the late 70s. For one thing, my parents wouldn't have allowed it. Secondly, lets face it; when a guy is that age those hormones are really running wild. Like Toronto Vigilante said, "when the cats away the mice will play." Why do they feel the need to sleep over if they don't have ulterior motives?? I'm sure I sound either prudish or paranoid to some, but I'd be wary.

 

[TBONEZ0295]

Thanks for all of the great advice, I have to agree with you Valuist when I was that age I wasn't sleeping at any boys house thats why I guess I feel a little reserved, but these co-ed sleep overs are common today! Plus I have to be honest 1 out of the 5 dances so far my son came to me and asked me if he could sleep over Amandas house thats where everyone is going after I said OK........but then suddenly I heard a little voice (my daughter) SAY "i HOPE AT MY NEXT DANCE YOU REMEMBER THIS ONE MOM SO i CAN SLEEP AT A BOYS HOUSE" So I do believe that my safest move here is to just have them here................

Blue-

 

[dr. freeze]

no way I would ever allow this

 

[dogface]

No way...

No way...

IMHO, this is a line that shouldn't be crossed/ I was a teacher for 4 years, only high school students and all of my students were seniors.

I was the "cool" teacher in school, but you would not believe the stories I have heard, the parent's I have talked to, and the counseling I ended up giving because of such events, as well as a few others.

As a teacher I can honestly say, that I can pick out positive and great parenting fromt eh actions and attitudes of their kids, along those same lines I can also see where problems develop when the parent's become their friends. High schooler's even seniors whether they tell it to you or not, want someone to stand up to them, and provide a direction as well as role model...although those attitudes and demonstrations may clash every so often, the thing I heard most from the students was that they wanted to respect their parents more than anything, and that they test their parents all the time. With that being said, and not going to far as to cross any lines...

Do what you think in your heart of hearts is moral, ethical and right. You are only producing the next generation of leaders, how do you want them to act and or treat your grandchildren?

Just some thoughts, but I know, and my former students I dare to bet would agree...that the correct response would to not let it happen.

Happy parenting!!

PS: I do have a M.Ed in Teaching and Learning with an emphasis on Developing emotional attachment for higher achievement. (Component of active learning) So I do have some knowledge in the behaviors and the psychology of youngsters... LOL!! At least that's what my paper says!!!

 

[boilermaker]

I think you are being played. I would stop this or you may end up the cool grandma before your ready. Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[TBONEZ0295]

9:00 am- well things went a little different than I expected, I didn't drive to the dance last night I was the pick up! I pulled up and 7 girls + my son get in the car,I take them over 2 chickies so they can eat and ask my daughter quietly wheres everybodies dates??? she claims that they all just went with each other.... 1 of the girls is my daughters friend the rest were with my son 5 of them one being his girlfriend...........As it turns out I have to take 1 of the girls to here house so they all can get there PJ'S a mom comes out and tells me that 4 of the mothers know that they will be staying at my house that they all talked to each other about it and thanked me. The one who I didn't have a talk to any parent was my sons girlfriend so I made her go home................I did feel a little bad but I will not lie to anyones parent EVER and my kids know that so as of now they never slept a wink I just popped in on them they are watching a movie.When its over they all get the boot
I started this topic because I seen on 20/20 where 2 parents like me had ALOT of kids at her house for a party she felt the same way as I do! (would rather have her kids at her house) unfortunately the kids were drinking and 2 girls out of the 20 kids she had there decicded to go home (walking) without informing the mother or asking for a ride, 1 of the girls walking down a dark street towards her house was hit by a car and yup killed......................
For me this is just such a catch 22 I really like my kids here with me I am a mother who some of my girlfriends call SGT. as a joke because I don't take any sh*t my daughter was just recently grounded for a month no phone no computer no dances no nothing cut off from the outside world other than work and school. That for being a half an hour late coming home 1 night her curfue 11 she came in at 11:30
I agree dogface you are a parent befor a friend but you can remain both. I am a young mother for teenagers I'm only 34 which keeps me pretty hip I do have generally good kids and if the parents approve I starting to lean towards feeling comfortable with all of this...........but like i said the story on 20/20 the parents of the victim were trying to blame the mother for the child that died, but they gave there consent for there daughter to stay there:shrug: who would be legally responsible????

boilermaker- as for being a grand mom geeeezzzz that would really blow me away...........I've instilled in all of my kids that if there going to do it they just better protect themselfs not only from pregnancy but deseases another topic I suppose because you don't want to condone this but they need to know that they can trust you enough to come to you. because if there going to do it they'll do it weather its in my home,in a car,in the woods where ever the little horney toads can find I suppose................

dogface-Happy Parenting!!!! UGHHHH!

 

[STEEL CITY SELECTIONS]

tbonez....im pretty much in the same boat.....im 39 with 3-daughters.....18, 14 and 9.....it is tough to handle how different these kids are from my high school days. these bys/girls get togother now a days in groups and go to movies/parties etc....there is just so much more boy/girl interaction that when i was in hi-school.
seems to me, times were much simpler when we grew up....majority of my time was spent playing ball and drinking with my buddies.....i wasnt going to movies with 5 of my buddies and 5 girls....like is so common now.
this is what they do now and i guess we have to accept it and try and keep on top of our kids. i havent had any boy/girl sleep overs yet ....ive been lucky, my 2 teens are gorgeous and have many boys sniffing around, but neither has had the dreaded steady boy friend....imo thats when trouble starts...

i really think ure doing fine....you seem to be very involved in your kids lives and that is most important....i think being a parent and friend is a tough one to figure out, but both are necassary. if you can communicate with your kids openly/honestly and they confide in you about important things like school, sex, drinking etc...that is tremendous asset.

gluck tbonez...its tough handling all the issues that come up now a days...stay involved and keep the lines of communication open.

 

[dogface]

Tbonez....

Tbonez....

I have no doubt you can have a little of both friends and parent...just as long as the focus is on parent. I am young too, 33 that's probably one of the reasons I was considered the "cool" teacher. Because I underestood what they were going through, never acted surprised etc., but it's just interesting on what they confided to my in terms of relationships, and their own personal expecatations for their parents. Just an urge to caution on the side being a parent, and not the friend side. (If you know what I mean.)

Otherwise, I wish you the best of parenting, and handle the challenges with joy, conviction, and the willingness to ask questions for both yourself and your kids.

dogface